i can't take it anymore, 14 month won't settle to sleep and CIO doesn't work

[Lovejoy]

hi ladies

well we are still doing GW, sitting on chair and sometimes it takes her 5 mins to sleep and sometimes 45 mins!  but at least she's happier.  However, yes there had to be one!  Her night wakings have increased and we rush in and settle her, sometimes she goes back to sleep within seconds, sometimes upto 2 hours.  So when do we stop GW?  Why have her night wakings increased?  Will we ever get it right???!!

thanks.  Double thanks for your wonderful advice and support

[andibig]

LOVEJOY
glad shes settling better .the NWs may be a sign of needing to drop down to one nap.
also its worth sometimes not rushing in at the first whimper (not CIO!!).we do this with sasha sometimes.she'll cry out (its not really a proper cry more of a whine) and occasionally settle herself otherwise we go in "lie down go back to sleep" and she goes back to sleep.
Andrea

[Katet]

I agree from my experience the NW are something that means the routine needs some adjustment. Have you limited one of the naps to 20-30mins, that might help... otherwise might be time to work in 1 nap.
Also if she is settling better but needing you more in the night, I'd start trying to leave the room... once she is settled pick an amount of time (I count to 300) & if all is calm, I attempt to leave... if ds gets upset (ignoring a protest cry) I go back to a point at which he is calm & then try to get one step further along the "chain" to me leaving the room before he goes to sleep

[Lovejoy]

i think we have accidental parenting - she will not sleep unless she sees me or hubby in the room with her.

[andibig]

Love joy.
i would start working on getting further out of the room.do you need to be in her room all night or just to get her to sleep?

[Lovejoy]

we need to be there until she sleeps and then with the NW we have to run in, we leave her incase she is just babbling/noisey, but she then gets up and cries and we crawl in and shh her until she sleeps.

[Katet]

It is an easy habit to fall into.
By now you are probably past the effects of CIO, so try to remove yourself earlier & "learn" the crys for "I need you" v "I don't like you going" v "I'm letting off steam"
I found with my ds#1 a verbal phrase that I could use from outside the room helped with me getting out of the room.

[mari]

Does she wake because you are not in the room?  How long does it take to resettle during the nightwakings?

[Lovejoy]

Mari - i'm not sure why she wakes up, but her NW sometimes she sleeps within 5 mins of shhing and sometimes it can take 1/2 hour (but she's not crying then, she is resleeping and then waking to see if we are still in the room)

going to try to get her to sleep at bedtime without either of us in the room tonight = feel nervous....

[mari]

So will you try Walk in Walk out, or Gradual withdrawl?

[Katet]

I've been in that situation a few times & honestly it is something that makes me nervous... I do a combination of Gradual withdrawral & wi/wo. But the key I find is to actually talk my children through what is going to happen & to use verbal messages so I can actually calm from outside the door.
My almost 20mo is now in a bed & I can hear him come to the door when he hops out & I can say before he opens it "mummy is here it's sleep time, hop back in bed" & generally he either goes to sleep on the floor or in bed without coming out" so I know it is about "testing"

[Lovejoy]

hi all

well we are sitting outside the room, and she sleeps within 10 mins.  We put her down and walk out and she gets upset and gets up to see if we are there, when she sees us sitting there she then lies down and sleeps. 
Should i bite the bullet and just leave her and then run in if she gets upset?

[andibig]

what about doing the above and when she cries just open the door ,let her see you then walk out again and close door??

[Lovejoy]

well we're pathetic parents   we are still sitting outside her bedroom, and even then there are tears.  We tried the leaving her, but she immediately gets upset when she doesn't see us sitting outside.  Even when i'm outside the room, she gets upset for about 10-20 mins and eventually goes to sleep after me walking in and shhing her.

EASY ROUTINE:

Wake 7am/milk
brekkie 8am
lunch 11
nap  12.00
Wake 2pm
Snack 2.pm
Dinner 5pm
Wind -down and milk 6pm
Bedtime 7.30
Night waking 1 hour after and has to be shhd
and then in middle of night.  Sometimes she sleeps through mostly she doesn't.

[mari]

I don't think that you are pathetic parents, I think that you are doing a great job.    When she wakes during the night, how long is she awake for?