Author Topic: 13 month old - consistant Night Wakings turned worst after starting Daycare  (Read 3666 times)

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Offline snail2006

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I've posted before when my son was 9 months old, regarding his night wakings.  He wakes up throughout the night and stands up in his crib and waits for someone to come to him.  If we do not go to him, he cries and cries until someone goes to him and put him back down. 

I have not been able to try sitting in the chair and have him put himself to sleep, as he started daycare was very clingy.  He's also had colds, ear/throat infections constantly since starting the daycare.  And I think he's has separation anxiety to the highest degree.  He's been very clingy when at home since starting the daycare and its increased in the past few weeks ( he has had a cold for the past 2 weeks). 

I'm lost at what to do.  I'm back at work and have to wake up several times a night to put  him back to sleep.  I'm also very sure that his caregivers at the daycare, rock his crib or hold him before he falls asleep ( and they are not truthful with me when I ask), because he now expects the same from us.  He wants us to hold him to fall asleep and then put him in his crib after he does.    I've tried getting into his crib some nights because its the only way to get him to go back to sleep quickly, so that I can get some sleep and not be a basket case at work.

some say that after 18 months he should figure it out, some say they never figure it out.  Help....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

Snail2006

Offline mari

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Sorry this has taken so long to get a reply.  Could you post your routine and I can take a look

Offline linfran

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My ds is 10mo and has been in daycare since he was 6mo.  Unfortunately at the start, colds and tummy bugs are the norm until they get the whole immunity thing sorted out...ds even ended up with the german measles!

He has also just started the separation anxiety thing and although he adores the nusery and the girls on the staff we now have a few tears each morning but he settles really quickly after I go.  The cold could also be making him a bit clingy (ds, who doesn't normally like being nursed, is like a limpet when he's poorly).

One thing our nursery does is give each child a notebook and a diary is kept each day and given to the parent whe they pick their child up.  It lists when he ate (and what), when he slept and woke up, times and contents of nappy change(!) and if any teething gel or Calpol was given.  It might be worth suggesting this to the staff - it is a good way of keeping track of routine.

Also, what are the sleeping arrangements in the nursery?  Does the room have blackout blinds, soft music, each child has their own cot? I also just wonder why you say the staff are untruthful - are there any other daycare options available to you eg childminder or smaller nursery that might suit better?

I hope you get this sorted - so you can get a bit of sleep!

Big hugs

Offline snail2006

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Hello,

Wakes anywhere between 5:00 a.m. and 6:30 a.m.
Breakfast - 6:45 a.m.
Snack (Daycare) - 8:00 a.m.
Walk (Daycare) - 9:00 to 10:00 a.m.
Lunch (Daycare) - 11:00 a.m.
Nap ( Daycare) - 12:30 to 1:30 sometimes 2:00 ( not consistant)
Snack (DC) - 2:00 p.m.
Pickup (dad) - 3:00 p.m.
Dinner (Home) 4:30 p.m.
Bath - 7:00 p.m. 
Bed - between 7:00 and 8:30 p.m.

The reason I say that the daycare staff is not clear is that when I ask how he's put to sleep and what is done when he wakes in the middle of a nap.  The person in charge of the room is not consistant with her answer, she starts off saying that she doesn't rock him and then ends the conversation saying that they rock his crib.  I'm going to have to dig for more info tomorrow.  Because this may be the reason he wakes up throughout the night wanting to be held or rocked.    I do get a report from this daycare regarding his eating and sleep times and also how he was that day.  However they do not provide me with how he's put to sleep.  And I keep asking, however its like pulling teeth. 

I think I'm just having trouble communicating with the leader of the infant room.   I can view my son via VOI throughout the day  (excluding the sleep room of course) and see that he is spends a great deal of time walking around the infant room and playing by himself.  This is the reason I don't understand why he is so clingy when he is at home.
Thanks

Snail2006

Offline snail2006

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Forgot to mention, the sleeping arrangement at the daycare.  Each child has his/her own crib.  The room is dark but not completely dark.  There is no music however my son has his fisher price aquarium in his crib and I'm told that he plays with it until he goes to sleep (hmmm). He has the same toy here at home and I've tired leaving it in his crib and he plays with it for one second and then stands up in his cribs and cries until I take him out and hold him.

I'm absolutely confused...

Thanks again for your advise...
Thanks

Snail2006

binxyboo

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Hi there,
I don't have a lot of time right now, but from reading your post, it looks as though your lo has a very long day.Riley at 17 months would not be able to handle that little sleep. I would definitely aim for a much earlier bedtime, esp as the nap is not that long. When you are on one nap, you definitely want it to be at least two hours long, and at least 11-11.5 hours at night.

If he is spending a lot of time alone most of the day, walking around and playing by himself, instead of being engaged by the teachers and engaging in activities with his peers, it stands to reason that he needs that attention when he gets home.

Gotta run, Riley's bedtime!

Allright, he's asleep...

As I worked in a daycare before, I know that naptimes are stressful for everyone. At that age in the US, the teacher can have up to 4 children to tend to at naptime, there are often more children in the room than that. Not always the same person did naptime at the place where I worked, it often varied depending on breaks. This makes it hard all round. As regards communication with the teacher, I can say sometimes it is difficult to have an in depth discussion with a parent at pick-up or drop-off. You are on duty, need to watch the children, keep an eye on who is coming and going, help the children through transition. It may be best to make an appointment to discuss your concerns and ask any questions you have. As a parent, you definitely have the right to know what kind of routine you lo has and what practises they follow.

All the best,
Michelle
« Last Edit: December 27, 2006, 04:37:58 am by Binxyboo »

Offline mari

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I agree with Michelle about the Daycarers will have many children to deal with and I run a daycare from home and know that no mattter how much I try, soemtimes the LO's disturb each other and they don't get as much sleep as I'd like them to, also, I would find it very difficult to rock any child to sleep, but the LO I care for is put in his cot and he falls to sleep on his own, something that he won't do for his mum.  What I mean is, they adapt to different routines in different places that they will fight against at home.
How does he go to sleep for you at home, either for his nap or bedtime?  Do you just lay him down and he falls asleep alone?  Also, I think that his day looks quite long considering that his nap is so short, so you could try for an earlier bedtime.
I would have an indepth chat with the daycare and voice your concerns, I am sure that they would be eager to encourage a longer nap and would work with you on this if you asked them to.  Also, I give Alex and Nathan their dinner at 4.30pm also, but they also have cereal or toast (something light) with their bedtime milk, just a thought that 4 hours without food could make him a little hungry at bedtime.

Offline Katet

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Firstly I wouldn't put blame on Daycare as it has been shown that most children can learn by as young as 4mo to adjust to the different routines that take place in different places.

Secondly adding up the total sleep he gets in 24 hours he looks like he is getting somewhere between 10 & 12 hours, for a 13mo 13.75 is the average. I know when my ds was in day care he had to have a hugely early bedtime... if he is up at 5am & has 1-1.5hour nap, I'd say his bedtime needs to be 6/6.30pm at the latest or if awake later you may get to 7pm, but I'd work on 6.30pm most of the time... most 13mo still do better on 2 naps & really need 2.5-3hours if they only take one nap.
Thirdly, it seems nearly everyone I know (including myself) have problems in the early weeks at daycare due to illness & SA... to be honest both are reasonable, they have heaps of exposure to illness & the second... well they have to find some way to get their "Mummy time quota", so he has every reason to be clingy & needy of you when he misses out of so much time with you during the day. It is actually well documented that children "appear" to cope well in childcare, but actually the ones that seem the most settled are often the ones the parents have the hardest time with outside childcare, as they bottle up their emotions as they haven't found someone they trust enough to be relaxed enough to release emotions in that environment.
In all honesty the best way you can help him is not to try & get him to re-settle by leaving him for a minute or so, but to be right there the moment he is upset, or even better, put a bed in his room & spent part of the night there with him... once he knows you are there for him & he starts to get more of his "mummy quota" things will slowly improve... but he truely does need to have trust you are there for him to sleep well & at the moment he probably isn't feeling that way to wake & be upset.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline snail2006

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Hi,

Thanks for your advise. I'm sorry I sound as if I'm blaming the entire daycare system I'm not, think its just that particular person. I can ask a question to any of the other teachers in the infant room and get a clear answer and they're usually surrounded with crying kids at drop off time. 

I've tried earlier bed times with my son, however he stays awake until he's ready to sleep, usually hours if we start at 6:00 or 6:30.  His first 2 weeks of daycare he went to bed very early (6:00 a.m.) without a fuss, he was exhausted from crying the entire day.  However, he still woke up several times throughout the night.  For the past month, if I try giving him his bath and story, bottle etc at 6:00 or 6:30 he doesn't want to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00.  I also try getting him back to sleep when he wakes around 5:00 a.m. but he will not go back to sleep.  I'm thinking of giving  him some formula when he wakes at 5:00 to see whether this will help.  When he wakes up at night, if I offer him water or formula he refuses, he just want to lay in my arms and go back to sleep.

In the past Alec had his bath, 6 oz of formula and story and I would put him in his crib, he would walk around his crib and come to me ( I sit in a chair next to his crib), to put him on his pillow. He sometimes treated this like a game and I would have to put him down several times.   I never got to the stage that I left the room, as when I moved the chair further he would start crying until I went to him.  I was to start sitting in the chair and ignoring his attempts to get my attention, but then he started daycare and I thought that it should wait.  Alec has never been left alone in his crib to put himself to sleep, because when I did try he would cry until I went back into his room.

I know he's not getting enough sleep, but I don't know how to get him to stay asleep.  I see that recently he has been sleep longer at the daycare.  And on Christmas Day he took a 2 hour nap from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m.  I'm hoping that eventually if his daytime sleep improves his night time sleep will as well.

Thanks...
Thanks

Snail2006

Offline Katet

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Honestly from my own experience, I'd be putting him to bed early anyway as he would be chronically overtired, it may be a pain to have to sit with him for an hour or more, but he needs the more sleep & the time with you if things are going to improve.
I'd also try to give him low key activity from 5-6am - in his room, in his cot if possible.
If it was me I'd aim to have him in his cot for 11 hours even if he isn't sleeping. he needs the rest even if he doesn't get the sleep.
BTW unfortunately from what I have read, children who tend to walk around on their own, minimal interaction with other children (my ds did too) at chidcare are actually the ones that find it emotionally hard to handle  & possibly part of why he doesn't sleep well there or at home, he is finding it really stressful... has be bonded well with a carer... if so ask that that person can really spend lots of time with him, as it really sounds like his emotional attachment is an issue here... I know until my ds formed a bond with one of the carers he really did have major SA issues.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05