15 Month Now Crys at Bedtime

[Janice8]

Our 15 Month old has been on EASY since he was born.  We normally just gave him a 2 to 5 minute cuddle after his bath routine, and put him in his crib where he would soothe himself to sleep - life was great!!!  Now he cries really hard when we put him in the crib at night.  We are now in and out of his room for an hour plus these days, trying to get him to settle.  We don't what him to cry himself to sleep.  We don't think its a teething issue, because he is not bothered during the day and falls asleep for his nap no problem.  Please Help?

[Katet]

Do you leave when he is crying? If so that could be prolonging it... 15mo is a big time for Separation anxiety, so he may just need more reassurance from you.

What is your day routine like...without that there is no way of knowing if it is a sleep or SA problem

[Janice8]

His day usually goes as follows,

8am-wakeup, breakfast
10:30am-occasional am nap (45min-1hr)
12pm-lunch
1:30pm-naptime if no am nap
2:30pm-naptime if am nap
4pm-snack
6pm-dinner
7pm-bath,bottle,bed

As you can see, we seem to be in a transition phase of going from two naps to one-which has been a little difficult/confusing.
Thanks for responding, we hope that someone has an idea of what we could do. I'm dreading bedtime tonight.
To answer your question, he does cry as we're leaving the room.

[Pimento]

We had this problem with our LO a couple of months ago and I put it down to separation anxiety.  I tried PU/PD with no success, in fact it made her worse.  Then I would sit in the room with her not making eye contact but just sitting trying not to make a sound to reassure her she wasn't alone but to make clear that it was DEFO bedtime.  I'm sorry to say that the problem just got worse and worse and she began waking lots during the night which she hasn't done since 10wks old (now 15 months)!  SHe'd settle with me there and seemed totally sparko but the second I so much as thought about leaving she'd be back to histerics.

In the end, despite being very wary of it, I let her cry it out as the whole situation was out of control... we were all exhausted, I was very sure there was no teething or illness to blame.  I think it started out as mild separation anxiety and then she thought, 'hey, it's quite good having Mum in here all the time so I'll cry'.  But the good news in all of this is that she only had to cry it out three times (15mins, 5mins, 1min ish) and the problem was solved!  So whilst I have never advocated crying it out as a solution, I think she got to an age of being able to figure out that her crying equalled me in the room and she started manipulating the situation.

Now to contradict myself (!) only last thought is that maybe your LO is ready for one nap and the two is taking the edge off sleep enough at night to stop him being tired enough.  My LO is still transitioning and I've noticed that too much daytime sleep now equals problems at bedtime.  Not sure if it helps but if she sleeps later than 3.15pm or for longer than 2hr15 in total through the day (based on 7/7.30am wake-up and 7pm bedtime) then it scuppers bed time.  Even though during the morning she sometimes struggles without the nap... I've tried putting her down in her cot for 20mins quiet time in the morning at about 9.15am and that seems to be just enough to get her through till bedtime at 12.30.

Enough waffling... really hope that helps and good luck, I really feel for you.

xxx

[Katet]

Firstly Pimento, while I know you suggested CIO in good faith, this site doesn't recommend CIO as it does break the trust with a baby & it can have long term implications. The thing is working out how to "read the cry" & using gradual withdrawral from the room distinguishing "need" crys & "protest" crys

Janice8 - First thing I would do would be work on the 1 nap... she also does seem to having too much sleep... 13hours o/n &  naps... at his age 13.75 hours in 24 is average. I think he needs a later bedtime or earlier start to the day... also about 5 hours from the end of his nap. Since he has been such a good sleeper I'd say it is a routine problem I'd suggest a routine more like
Awake 7.30
nap 12.30-2.30
bed 7.30/8pm
HTH

5- 5.25 hours awake time is a good time for a young toddler

[binxyboo]

Haven't read pp, but here is my opinion...

Your lo is probably at the stage where they are transitioning from 2-1 naps. It can be very tough. If your lo does not take the first nap, I would make sure he is down for the first nap by 12 at the latest, some days we only made it to 11:30. We had to do a temporarily early bedtime on those days too, otherwise he would resist bedtime, have a ton of nightwakings or wake early the next day.

[mari]

Just to echo Kates comments about CIO.  This site does not condone this method and I would like to draw your attention to the following thread which outlines the reasons why this method will not help you or your child.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=77626.0

Janice, when Alex has her nap, I do notice that she is more reluctant to sleep if her nap is later than usual, regardless of how long it was for, so perhaps her afternoon nap could be a little late.  How long are her naps?  If she is taking just one nap, you should be trying to get her to take about 2-3 hours, then bedtime no later than 5 hours after wake up.

[Janice8]

Thanks for all of your replies.  My husband and I appreciate the advice.  This is our first posting. CIO has definitely crossed our minds in desperation, but I'm very reluctant because we've never had to resort to that and I'm afraid of the implications.  We've worked so hard at reassuring Julian and encouraging good sleeping behaviours.  I will definitely try harder on getting down to 1 nap and ensuring the nap isn't too late in the day.   

Thanks again

[Janice8]

Yesterday I made sure that he only had 1 nap.  He had 5 1/2 hrs of awake time before bed, and bedtime was the same.  It took 1 1/2 hrs to get him down and then he also got up in the night for 2 hrs!  My husband and I are arguing over what exactly we should be doing with him when he cries.  Can anyone advise?

[mari]

I think that the routine looks ok to me.  If you are sure that there is no illness ie cold, teething, then I would suggest trying a technique such as WIWO to encourage independent sleep again.  It shouldn't take too long as he was independantly sleeping before. Transition between naps can unsettle them so hang in there.  With WIWO, you are letting hime know that you are there if he needs you but now it's time for sleep.  Have a look at the thread on FAQ's but be consistent, don't sit with him one night, then wiwo the next it will only confuse him (I know, I made that mistake)

[Janice8]

Thanks for all your advice.   Consistency of bedtime and routine, combined with down to 1 nap has given us 3 nights in a row of good bedtimes!  Fingers crossed it contiues!

[binxyboo]

Woo Hoo!!

[mari]

Fantastic, I am so pleased.