« previous next »
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: 21 Month old will not play independantly  (Read 1447 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Colesmom

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 62
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2178
  • Toronto, Ontario
    • Location: Toronto, Ontario
21 Month old will not play independantly
« on: January 05, 2007, 14:31:38 pm »
hi there,

I apologize if there is a similar thread recently, but I haven't had a chance to take a look.

My DS will rarely play independantly, and when he does, it's only for a minute or two.  I have tried quite a few things.  I always say, Cole, mommy is going to the kitchen, I'll be right back.  But he won't let me leave.  I have never left him to cry (as anyone on Toddler sleep or my EASY thread can attest to LOL!), so I'm not sure why he is so clingy.  I never sneak away, I always say good bye when dropping him at daycare or leaving the house, so he has no reason not to trust me.

When I'm making dinner, I will try to set him up at his table with markers and paper for example, just around the corner, but he is only happy if i'm in sight.  (maybe i need a new open concept house LOL) I've cooked plenty a meal with him in my arms *sigh*.  He's getting better at occupying himself (will make macaroni with oven mitts on, a bowl and a wooden spoon :D ) but again, has to be under my feet.

I started thinking last night that possibly his inability to go to sleep independantly and play independantly are related.  He is very very attached to me.  He has a few stuffed animals that he likes, but none that he turns to as a lovey or comfort item.  I have tried and tried and tried.

anyway, without rambling too long...does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him to be more independant.  sort of a pu/pd of activity time.  I'm with him at bedtime, during the night and most evenings.  UGH, I need a break!  :P

Thanks for any input.
Logged
<img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/OzRLm5.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0"  />
<img src="http://b2.lilypie.com/GvsEm5.png" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker" border="0"  />

Offline Caroline-Charlies Mummy

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 315
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 7056
  • Charles Arthur 23rd March 2005
    • Location: Newbury, Berkshire
    • Twitter
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2007, 14:44:01 pm »
Not a great deal of advice (and a toddler under my feet, so not much time ;)), but I wanted to say that ds is very like this - will not play unless I am in his direct field of vision. He's never been an independent player (Ha! made him sound like a gangster :D) particularly, he always needs my input, even if I'm not directly playing with him.

To cook dinner, I often have him standing on a chair next to the sink with lots of plastic containers and things - he loves doing that :). (Of course you have to plan ahead, b/c you can't use the sink ;)).

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} don't worry it's not something we're doing wrong, I think it's just their little personalities.

Oh ds has never taken to a lovie either, wonder if that is related? :-\
Logged
Caroline :)





"Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at de sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground." -- Zora Neale Hurston

Offline Carys' mom

  • BW Devotee
  • ****
  • Showing Appreciation 11
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 344
    • Location:
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2007, 16:25:47 pm »
I'm having similar problems with my 22 mo dd. She is VERY clingy with me right now - freaks out if I leave the room, and is not good at playing on her own. All she wants to do is watch videos. ::) I try to distract her with playing blocks, reading books, other things, but she is relentless and persistent about watching the videos. Plus, when she plays, I of course have to play with her. She does have a lovey, but that doesn't seem to make a difference. Hopefully someone will have some good advice...
Logged
Melanie
Mom to Carys Elizabeth (2/15/05) and Joshua August (8/16/07)



Offline Lindy Loo

  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 72
  • DS Jun 2005, DD Dec 2008
    • Location: Guernsey, Channel Islands
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2007, 09:34:50 am »
Hi there

I am so relieved now !!
Was logging on to ask the very same thing.  My DS is now 18mnths.  Always used to be very independant but now just grabs my hand and insists I sit next to him when he plays.  He won't even accept me being the other side of the room on the sofa.  Its driving me bonkers !!!

He's just started talking and I thought that this would lessen his frustrations but it seems to have made him a total woos ... he gives up if something doesn't work first time and whines all the time. 
He has a temper on him too and has taken to actiing up if things don't go his way and if he does something wilful and gets moved away he headbangs and pulls his hair.

I'm sure this is all normal and developmental but wonder if anyone has any clues on how I can make things better

thanks all and hugs to those haiving the same issues

Linda

Logged

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 521
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16463
    • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2007, 01:51:23 am »
Hi Traci--
Been looking through old threads as I remember a few like this -- here are a few suggestions for things that he can do (also check the Toddler Activity sticky at the top of the forum, great ideas there):

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=78632.0

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=77630.0

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=74891.0  (copied some stuff on SA into this one)

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=68771.0 (this one has a link to a modified pu/pd approach a member used with a younger baby - maybe you could modify to work with Cole)

Honestly, I don't think what Cole is doing is all that unusual.  Katie tends to be a bit of a mess around dinner time, especially if she's tired (and we know with Cole there's a good chance that he is tired with all the sleep issues he's thrown at you) so she often wants to be held as well.  I've got one of my bottom drawers in the kitchen set up with tupperware she can play with....hmm, that reminds me of another post actually, let me go find that one...

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=68771.0

Is he hungry?  Maybe if you gave him some veggies to munch on that would help as well?  Can he help you?  Bring things across the room and back?  (Katie often clears our table, dh hands her (nonbreakable) things at the table to bring to me at the fridge/sink/etc.) 

If all else fails, Baby Einstein generally works for us.

Hope some of this is helpful.
Logged

Offline Colesmom

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 62
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2178
  • Toronto, Ontario
    • Location: Toronto, Ontario
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2007, 14:19:22 pm »
Hey Everyone-Thanks so much for the replies.

Erin-I agree that he is likely tired.  And yes, I often give him something to nibble on while I make dinner.  I try to give him veggies, but lately it's "oh's mamma, oh's"!  oh well, not quite as healthy but at least it's not candy!

I like the ideas of emptying out a cupboard.  We have a small house though...so that will take some planning to find somewhere to put the stuff I need to take out!  And gathering stuff from around the house and putting it in a box...he does like putting stuff in and out.  Oh, and the calculator idea is great too!

LOL about the pu/pd for activity time.  I was actually joking...i can't believe Stacy described it in the same way.  i guess I just have to be more gradual about leaving...and likely more upbeat.  I just realized i'm likely using a stern voice quite often because i'm so exhausted and frustrated!

On a side note, I am going to try to get him to sleep by 7:30 for the next few nights.  I honestly don't think he'll go down...but I'll never know unless I try...

Thanks again!
« Last Edit: January 08, 2007, 14:21:08 pm by Colesmom »
Logged
<img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/OzRLm5.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0"  />
<img src="http://b2.lilypie.com/GvsEm5.png" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker" border="0"  />

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 521
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16463
    • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: 21 Month old will not play independantly
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2007, 15:25:08 pm »
Traci, I often feel exhausted and frustrated at the end of the day -- can't imagine how it must be for you with working all day and Cole not sleeping well.  Almost everyone I know with small children hates that time of day.  Hang in there :)
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« previous next »