Help !! To breast feed or not to breastfeed that is the question???

[mrslala]

I have a 15 WO DD who i have breastfed exclusively - i have used nipple shields from day 1 due to inadequacy of nipples

OVer the last few weeks i have found the feeding much harder.  she then dropped her night time feed and had 6 during the day and i felt i could cope.  She has now gone back to waking in the night and having seven feeds.

Unfortunately I am someone who beats myself about lots of things and I am going through the should I/shouldn’t I give up breast feeding thing.  I am finding it more and more draining both physically and mentally.  When I am not feeding (which takes on average an hour)/expressing/playing with/changing her then I am constantly worrying about lack of milk, routine, sleep  etc. She has now gone back to waking in the night which probably means that she isn’t getting enough now and she has been on a bottle strike for weeks!!!!!!!!!  She also wants to feed at 7pm and then 9pm which means I can’t go out for an evening.  I feel over weight and frumpy and just want to be able to go out for an evening knowing she will take a feed from someone else.  I feel absolutely exhausted and that I am not fully enjoying this precious time with her.
 
Fortunately she has just started taking a bit of bottle at the beginning of her evening feeds with ebm.

I think I am just having a crisis of conscience that I have every 3 or 4 weeks – it wouldn’t surprise me if it is hormonal – if breastfeeding can stop your periods then there must be some serious hormonal fluctuations going on.  What with the tiredness and my stupid pride I am my own worst enemy!!

I feel so guilty and selfish considering giving up BF'ing.

HAs anyone been there??  Any advice???

[Samuel's mum]

First off - HUG.
Second - worrying is part of the mummy terrority - if you weren't worrying about feeding I'm sure something else would pop into view. Hopefully that's one of the benefits of a board like this - we can recognise that in each other.
Third - a night waking at 15 weeks is so so so normal. It doesn't mean that something is 'wrong' or you have supply issues or she's not getting 'enough' - it's very very common. Have a look at this link about sleeping: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=55035.0

What else is making you feel that feeding is hard? Is there anything else we can help you with in a practical sense. A feed lasting an hour is a long time at 15 weeks - have you met with someone like an lactation consultant to talk about latch? A long feed can be an indication of a latching problem. It may even be possible to wean off the nipple shields with the right support - you'd be amazed what a fantastic range of nipples can manage the job. What led you to feel yours couldn't? If feeds are lasting an hour and you're doing 6 a day - one at night - I'm amazed you have time to do anything at all. Does that mean she's feeding again only an hour after having finished a feed? If you can't afford a lactation consultant there are free resources like the La Leche League - their 'leaders' are very well trained.

Tell us also what methods you've tried with the bottle and crucially has someone else given it to her without you being around? Some babies will feed successfully from a cup (an open cup not even a sippy cup) or even a dropper/syringe.

Anyway - more hugs. Stay a while and we'll see how we can help.

[maggie2]

Awwww - hugs to you!  I read your post and it reminded me so much of what I went through with ds

here's my two cents - definately think about some of the things that Samuel's mum suggested.  It may just be that you're experiencing some typical mommy stuff, not really related to BF'ing.  I had such a hard time BF'ing ds - tried every possible contraption out there, saw several lactation consultants, took prescriptions to increase milk supply, etc.  I ended up finally giving up after about a month and a half.  I TOTALLY regretted it and decided to try again and "relactate", which didn't end up working.  To this day, I still really mourn the fact that I wasn't able to share such a natural and loving activity with ds.

That said, I'm not sure that there was much more that I could have done, and it was beginning to affect my parenting abilities (I was obsessing, not getting sleep, and getting very frustrated - I felt like if I didn't have that to worry about then I could concentrate on just loving ds).  Anyway, it's a tough one.

I do think that, having the ability to look back on everything, if maybe I had just stuck with it for a little while longer...  maybe he would have gotten the hang of it.  I've realized that babies go through so many "stages" and I would tend to think that your lo will get through whatever difficulities your struggling with, and if you really want to BF, then I would try to stick with it.  It sounds like you may regret your decision if you choose to stop...  Maybe you could just get a really good breast pump and bottle feed if that's what you're concerned about???

Anyway, stay strong and good luck with everything!  Keep us posted!

Maggie

[libg]

Even though I had no trouble with breast feeding I understand that it is really demanding!!! It is hard work and no one else can do it if they don't want a bottle! I used to tell myself just make it through to four months, then at four months i thought, just make it through to five months, then it was so much easier once we were on 4 feeds a day, it was bliss and really enjoyable, it is really hard having to feed so many times a day for so long, especially when you are tired and baby is grumpy. It does get so so so much easier when the number of feeding is dropped. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mum and there is nothing like experience, I know for sure I will be so much more relaxed next time knowing I managed to rear a baby through infancy without any major disasters!
The best indicator of how your supply is going is how bubs is growing, if bubs is growing well then all is ok!
I totally understand that you would like some time to yourself, it is really important to get some me time so you can feel like you again rather than just the mother side of you. Don't feel guilty about that.
It does get easier and very few babies actually starve themselves!!! Good luck and whether you choose to continue BF or not, you baby will turn out just fine and love you just as much!

[mommy2two]

I can totally relate right now. I have a 7 week old and a 2 year old. bf'ing dd#1 was great b/c I had no other responsibilities but now trying to manage a 2 yr old and nurse dd#2 is so crazy!  Every day, I have the should I or shouldn't I conversation in my head and what makes it easier for me is to break it down into small steps. For example, if I am going to nurse for 6 months (which is my goal) I tell myself that I am 1/6 of the way done and almost 2/6 of the way done (since she is almost 8 wks old). This helps me to feel like there is an end in sight. 

As for feeling frumpy...I'm right there with you. I have been wearing the same few jog suits since dd was born and just today went shopping and found a few new things to wear. I hate the looks of my Bravado nursing bra as I think my boobs look saggy in it and it feels too much like a sports bra.

Having done this once before, I know the time will fly by and it won't be long until I am sad that nursing is ending.

Hang in there!

[First Time Mom]

Oh, I feel for you! I've been there, I think many of us have!

My dd has a milk protein allergy, I had to kick out ALL milk products out of my diet for 12 months. She has always been slow to gain weight, I even had pressure from my doctor to stop bfing. There wasn't a week that went by that I didn't cry over the "do I stop, do I go on" question! Well, I stuck with it, it got so much easier over time, the feeds decrease over time especially once they are fully into solids, you worry less and less over time. I am surprisingly still bfing my dd at almost 14 months and I am so glad that I continued and didn't listen to others! Your lo could be going through a growth spurt which could be causing the nws and extra feeds, this will happen from time to time. My dd slept through at 16 weeks, then didn't for weeks, then did, etc.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you feel with your frustration and worry. Ultimately, you have to decide what's right for you, but if you're going to stop, don't stop until you are 150% decided you want to, because you can't go back once that decision is made. If you continue, take one day/week at a time, I never put timelines on how long I was going to continue for, to this day people ask me how long I will bf for and I still tell them I don't know!

[*Kimberly*]

I know I am in the minority here but I wanted to add my two cents.  I had a terrible time breastfeeding.  My son had a hard and fast suck and I was miserable.  It got to the point where I was pumping and then feeding him with a bottle because it hurt less that way.  I finally decided that as much as I wanted to continue to pump or breastfeed that it was best for us to stop.  Thankfully I had a great support group that never once put me down for my decision, including my hubby.  Allowing myself to stop and to not feel guilty about my decision was hard.  Afterwards though, life was much better.  I love giving my son a bottle and I don't feel like I am missing anything by not breastfeeding.  In the end the important thing is that you do what is best for you and your child.

Kimberly

[mrslala]

Thank you all for your kind words - DD  took bottle last night at beginning of last feed which is agaIn progress.  DH and I are going out for a meal tonight - there will be a bottle there for her and if she doesn't want it then she'll just have to wait!!!

I think the fact that i am now in the new year and i am going back to work on 2nd april isn't helping - i feel nothing is working - she naps only 45 mins for most of the day although she is a great sleeper at night and doesn't need comforting when i put her back after 4am feed. I just feel a little out of control which for a busy professional is hard to accept.
SHe is feeding every 3 hours during the day. BUt as i said after playing winding down etc she only sleeps 45 mins so that's all i get between feeds.

It's v helpful to read that i am not alone in my experiences.  I have decided to bf until next week and then reconsider. In the meantime i am continuing with giving her a daily bottle of EBM at bedtime so i can go out to aerobics etc.

[Samuel's mum]

Have a lovely time tonight. I recognize what you say about the busy professional thing - it's very hard 'losing' that control.

April is a long time away. Life will be so different by then - I promise.

[Duckie]

Just don't make the decision while you are upset.

That's all I'm going to say.