Soooo tired of feeling like a failure with 6.5 month old

[Ali's mum]

There are so many layers to so many issues that i honestly don't know where to post let alone explain.  It's realy mostly about the same frustrations that many of you are posting already, but is it possible to be cursed with having it too good for the last couple of months?  My textbook 6.5 month old boy is so wonderful, when the schedule is maintained, there is little to no guesswork - which is what I had from 3.5 months to 6 months.  The result of this is things running tickyboo and very little crying - mostly just smiley happy baby with only a couple hiccups along the way.

Now we are entering this new era of changes:  major growth spurt, serious mobility advancement, solid foods (which he is ravenous about and can't get enough of), night wakings, belly aches, possible teething, and for the first time: serious inconsolable screaming and crying.  So this is the main issue, I'm finding it impossible to determine what needs need meeting (did you catch that? lol), in other words I cannot interpret his cries/screams or body language as I've had a few months of vacation from this stuff.  He's changed so much since the early days that what i used to be able to read doesn't seem to apply any more. 

Example:  he keeps waking at either 2:30 or 4:30 in the am when he rolls over.  Starts off ooing and cooing and escalates into a "come in here and get me sorted out!!!".  I definitely do not attend to him too early, if anything i might be leaving it too late... but the second he sees me is when he starts screaming and when i try PU/PD he loses it even more (man i wish there was a video to watch of this being done for each of the age ranges).  He will get to the hysterical point eventually if i leave it too long, so it's the same result (he does not have any abandonment issues and loves his crib).  Now i have a screaming baby which is NOT AT ALL what i'm used to having and can't interpret his cries.  it seems that because of the same time it would be out of habit for him.  It's taking 1.5 - 2 hours from the point of him first rolling over to him finally dropping off.  Breast feeding him definitely works for quieting down and putting him back to sleep, but i don't do this because i feel resentful and like a cheated failure when he only takes about 3-5 minutes worth and then will go down, I know that means he isn't hungry and it's day 3 of this and now it's a habit i have to try and break... i feel like i fell for the trick and now have to pay the price.  sighhhhhhhhh... amongst this we have weaned him off his paci - i learned that it was the parents who needed the weaning, not the baby as he's really been very good about not having it.

Another issue: his day naps are fabulous, in fact the whole day is marvelous.  It's like a page straight out of BW, awake at 7, BF then solids, playtime, nap at 9-10:30, BF at 11 then solids, nap at 1... then we get to catnap at 4:30ish.  This is trouble.  He needs it, he goes down for it no problem, but he doesn't wake up from it, i have to wake him after 45 minutes at 5 or 5:30 to start night ritual of bathtime, dinner, then bedtime for 7:30.  He yawns through the whole ordeal, then when it's bedtime he's wired and can't go down.  It took me until 8:30 to finally get him down tonight, and i started working on it at 7!  I crawled into his crib tonight and that seemed to shock him out of his fit and simmer down to sleep finally.  He will wake tonight at either 2:30 or 4:30 and i will once again not know what on earth i should be doing.  another hour and a half of screaming hysterical PU/PD?  He's never cried like this and i feel like i am torturing him... his voice has actually changed from this!

This has been happening since turning 6 months old... just like i'm sure a textbook is supposed to, lol.  It seems that there's a few things in the "when PU/PD won't work" that applies to my situation (see highlighted above), but what on earth are you supposed to do from THERE?!?  I spend every spare second scouring my bw books and this site, but when the actual time comes around i just can't think straight.  His cries sound like dirty nappy, hungry, frustrated, cuddle me, stay away from me all at the same time and i am truly exhausted after 2 weeks of this slowly escalating up until now.  I'M GONNA FREAK OUT FROM HERE!!!

[jmosery]

my son uses a blanket. i know i know, new mom didn't know better. but sometimes he wakes when the blanket comes off or he puts it somewhere he doesn't like. i go in, quickly move him back to the center of his crib, fix the blanket and walk out. i dont look at him or anything.

maybe when he hear that he's flipped over, go in, flip him back over, in teh dark and walk out. i think seeing you after getting frustrated and then doing PU/PD is getting him awake again and he's mad. which is why he's having a hard time getting back down

i would just flip him over and walk out. if he can't settle. i would lightly and quietly do shh/pat but i'm thinking that the PU/PD is just too much stimulation. just a thought. i know it would be for my son.

as for the getting him down at night. my son is the same way after his cat nap. he too still needs it but is soo tired when i wake him from it. i have to really do quiet things in that hour before bath and bottle and bed. if I overstimulate him, thats it, he's done. sometimes the bath gets him more awake too so i've moved bath a little earlier so we have some quiet play afterwards to tire him out. you can try that. or maybe start the whole routine earlier since he's tired.  just some thoughts

jaime

[Ali's mum]

those are fantastic suggestions Jaime, thank you... i'm going to try the quick readjust and leave manoever this am and see how that goes.  You may be right about the bath thing too, it's always been something that has contributed to tuckering him out for the night, but as we all know everything changes on us.  it's entirely possible that it's just too stimulating now, especially with a couple new christmas toys in there. 

Last night was another red letter night for the household.  it may have been the worst one yet.  he rolled over at 4 on the nose (i can tell from the oo's and goo's), i let him hash it out for half an hour as things escalated - ie: him getting  more worked up rather than settling down, when i went to him he actually started working on putting himself down immediately and spent the next two hours doing the same action!  he rolls onto his side, clutches his lovie, closes his eyes, then instead of falling asleep like usual he starts wailing instead.  2 solid hours of it.  i felt so incredibly lost and frustrated, i didn't know what to do.  it was clear that he wanted to go to sleep but he just couldn't no matter what i did.  no PU/PD was required because he was attempting this whole time to soothe himself to sleep, he just couldn't get there.  Now he's been off keel for the entire day today.  I can only imagine what tonight will bring me!  Hope this spell moves along, that's for sure...

Thank you for your suggestions, i'll let you know how they go

[sue]

Sorry, no great advice but I wanted to send you some {{{HUGS}}} and remind you of one of my favourite "Tracyisms".  Somewhere in one of her books I remember reading "This too, shall pass" referring to the tough times and how quickly our little ones grow and change.  I remind myself of that whenever things are really rough and it helps me keep things in perspective.  I also wanted to tell you that I love your Baby in a Cloud avatar.  It is such a beautiful calming picture.  I especially love his little knee up like that and his little hands are so sweet.  Good luck and keep us posted.

[jmosery]

ALI- if you hear him, i would go in and chekc to see if he's actually rolled over and if he has, turn him over again. maybe if you catch him before he wakes up from it fully, he can then put himself back to sleep. it will definetly pass. either he'll stop rolling over or he'll learn to roll back or he'll learn to sleep on his stomach. but thankflly this is a milestone they pass fairly quickly from what i've read. even though it seems like forever

[Ali's mum]

Thanks guys, i really hope this does pass soon.  I'm feeling extremely emotional right now, i just feel like this task (of bringing peace back into the household) is more than i can bear right now.  Unfortunately dad is gone for 2 weeks of every month and i'm on my own right now - the troubles with Ali definitely coincide with suddenly only having one parent and the impatient one at that.

He used to eat every four hours, sleep for 1.2 - 2 of that, and give me no troubles during the night.  Now i seem to be feeding him every two hours, once in the night, and reverting back to paci use out of complete desperation.  My son has never screamed like this in all his 6 months of life, and now he's doing it so hard that it's breaking my heart and making me wonder where have i gone wrong?  it seems like too many places to count 

Thanks for the kind words, i really appreciate them and they are very helpful...

[sue]

It could be a few different issues going on that you will have to work on step by step and there are a ton of wonderful people here who undoubtedly will give you specific help and guidance as you work through this.  I apologize if you have already done this and I missed it, but you might want to try breaking things down into specific trouble spots and then posting details about those in the specific forums.  The moderators are great and will definately help you to think clearly and proceed with a plan that will get you both sorted out.  One thing I know they will suggest is to rule out any medical/physiological causes first (ie teething, reflux, allergies, ear infections etc) that are common reasons for seemingly drastic behaviour/temperment changes.  I'm sorry you feel so alone right now with Ali's dad away.  That can be really hard.  Hopefully you will find the cyber support here can help you through this tough time.  {{{HUGS}}} again.

[Ali's mum]

Alright, here's a progress report... I'm feeling quite a bit better today, as Ali did not wake last night (however, i did as i am now accustomed to it!)

Yesterday was a disaster, after my last post i just lost it and cried and cried and cried which i think i probably really needed to do.  I just couldn't stand that i had a screaming baby for his first nap which has NEVER happened before, he loves his first nap, and the only thing he wanted was a BF and i had to cave in... turns out it was a boob-paci that he wanted and it sent me over the edge.  i'm sure he's looking for a paci replacement? 

So we started the day late (at 8am) and the routine was pushed to an hour later than usual for everything.  Here's how yesterday went:

8 - wake up and BF
9 - solids
10 - nap for 1.5 hours
12 - BF
1:30 - solids
2:30 - nap for 1.5 hours
4 - BF
4:45 - solids (this would normally be his catnap time which i have to wake him from)
5:30 - bathtime
6 - BF
6:30 - bedtime (skipped the catnap and put him to bed earlier)
8:30 - he woke up wanting more food ?!!! decided to go with the flow and give it to him
10:30 - still gave him a dreamfeed

woke up this morning at 7am on the nose, no night wakings!  i sure did need that break let me tell you.  so things i did differently:  started the day an hour later which cut out the catnap and put him to bed an hour earlier.  Also gave major clusterfeeding and put him in the grobag for the first time instead of the MB swaddle and blankie.  So today i will see how starting at 7 works with increasing the A time and still try to cut out that possibly disruptive catnap and go to bed earlier than the usual 7:30.

You've all been so helpful, Sue i will hit those other boards once i see how today and tonight goes and thank for the suggestions...!

[sue]

I'm so glad you got some sleep (I assume you got a bit even though you woke up anyway?  I know that feeling when they don't wake and then you're laying there wondering whether or not you should go in and poke them or something to make sure they're ok. .  The sleep will help you think more clearly.  Hope you have a good day and another great night!