New Mommie here...HELP!

[We Three]

  Hello all!
    Have a beautiful 3 week old daughter, and I am concerned. Breastfeeding didn't really work out for us...my milk didn't arrive until day 12, and my baby was born with a weak suck, so the bottle proved to be far easier for her, as she was losing too much weight. Anyway...she eats every 2 hours, sometimes 3 (rarely). My question is...her need to suck is excessive, and it is becoming difficult to manage. She will suck your face, your chin, your neck, her own sleeve, just anything. She is CONSTANTLY turning her head and rooting around for anything. Evereything I have read says that this means she is hungry, but she just isn't.  If she can find nothing to suck, she goes nuts, so I give her a binky, which works for about 1 minute, at which time she either gags on it or spits it out, then goes crazy until you give it back. Then we repeat this about 200 times. I cannot get anything done, because she needs me to put the pacifier back in her mouth evrey minute. Why can't she keep it in her mouth when she wants to so badly? Why does she root so much? We can't even really play with her or read to her because she just turns her head and looks for things to suck on. I'm worried. Any advice?

[Eloisa's Mum]

Hi there!  Congratulations on your dd and welcome to BW!

Firstly, don't worry!  I'm sure there will be someone with the perfect advice for you around these boards and the sucking reflex is totally natural and some babies are definitely 'sucky' babies! 

The only thing I can think of at the moment is that I have read that to teach a baby to hold it's paci in you pop it in their mouth and then gently keep pulling on it, to make them suck it back it.  Every time you put it into her mouth do that about 10 times.  It will make her suck it harder and teach her to hold it in.  It worked for my dd.

HTH!

Love from Michelle xxx

[momofclaire]

Amelia-My dd was very sucky she sucked and sucked and then sucked some more.  PP had good advice about teaching them to hold onto it.  Mine learned to hold onto it around 4 weeks and then a month later traded it in for her thumb.  It will get easier.  Maybe show her her thumb.  I know many will disagree but it may help her self soothe.  Mine gave hers up at 4 months with no help from me. 

[We Three]

Thank you both...I have tried to give her her thumb, but she has no idea that those arms are hers...she is still flailing them around wildly (we call her the mad conductor!) and she doesn't "get" the thumb thing!  This whole thing just has us so upset...we feel like we cannot fully enjoy her, because if she is awake, we are playing this insane binkie game, or she is just rooting around so much we can't even connect with her. The binkie game is exhausting...and it makes her sleep so fitful..I wonder if she ever gets any real rest.
  I thnak you for your comments...I have already been doing the "pull-out" thing for a few hours...my fingers are crossed! I just wonder if this has anything to do with her sucking problem that has been since birth...seems like it would have to be related.

[Eloisa's Mum]

Please don't worry, you will be enjoying her before you know it, everything will settle down. 

Some more thoughts, have you tried swaddling her?  Maybe if she can't thrash about so much she will chill out?  Lots of babies find it really comforting to be swaddled. 

My mum told me she used to swaddle my brother with his hand to his mouth because he was so sucky, maybe that would help?

What happens if you give her your little finger to suck?  Esp get her daddy to try this because daddy's pinkies are very popular pacis with babies (think it's the size and short nails!).  Maybe she would like that?

And if you're worried then just take her to the doctor.  What was the sucking problem, was it diagnosed?

Lovefrom Michelle xxx

[momofclaire]

Amelia- How is it going this evening?

[We Three]

  Thank you...you're so sweet. Well, at the hospital they noticed when we tried to breastfeed that she didn't have the proper suck technique...they said she was lazy in the way that she used her tounge. When she lost too much weight and they told me to give her a bottle I knew I was doomed, because of course the bottle would be easier for her, and she'd never want the breast. But we fed her tiny amounts from the bottle and kept trying to nurse. They told me that she wasn't sucking properly, and to give her a binky to excercise her mouth. Also when we did bottle feed her, the formula would run out of her mouth while she sucked, and it was quite a mess. They said that was further evidence that she was not sucking properly, and didn't have a good latch.
  Right now she's screaming her head off, my husband gets to be the binky king right now.
  We swaddle her at night when it's time to go to bed in the bedroom, because she had her days and nights mixed up, we thought that would be a good way of letting her know it was nightime, and only swaddle her at night. (we are making this up as we go!) Even then, she gets those arms free no matter what. She's a tenacious little girl!!
  And yes, we've offered her daddy's pinky, but I felt she was sucking SO much air doing that...
  UGH!!!
  She has a Dr. appt. this week, but to tell you the truth I hate Dr.'s....they poo-poo everyhting I say...I just think it's scary that my daughters waking hours are spent in what appears to be a frantic search for something to suck on. And when she finds it, she squeezes her little hands into such a tight fist that her knuckles turn white, and she sucks as if her life depends on it...frantic. It scares me.
  Very tired first-time Mommy here...she just seems so unhappy all the time and I'm just sad and scared.
  Thank you for your help and kind words.  

[Gippie]

HAve you tried a ot of the different shaped binkies?    We did that hse DD loved one of those that did not have he "slant" to the tip and the one DD loved looked more like a bulb.   They make a latex and a silicone (Gerber) and I noticed the silicone was a little smaller  - might work.  Try a lot of binkies - we did that with bottle nipples as well.  Good luck.   We also used our pinkies for a while (flipped over)   I was terrified about using a binky since I was nursing and I feared it would ruin the nursing......not even close - it was all good!

You posted as I did....dont be sad..we ALL feel and still feel this way.    You worry about everything and just when it passes a new fear will take over....this is practce for forever.      Could you use a REALLY slow flow nipple to let her suck hard on the bottle?     

We swaddles - it was a godsend.  How is her feeding now?  Is hse gaining weight?

[momofclaire]

Amelia-I agree with stacey try different paci's. My dd's fav was the soothie.  It doesn't have a slant to the end either.  Don't panic about the sucking....think of it this way:  your little girl has spent 9 mo in a comfortable, warm, quiet and watery environment she has only been on dry land a few weeks.  The sucking helps her to feel safe, it's very natural.  She is not starving! If she has wet diapers and is gaining weight she's doing well. It's you and DH that are struggling and that is a part of being a parent.  I promise you will look back on these days lovingly...once you get through them

Are you trying to get her to sleep for the night?  What night time routine do you have? 

[We Three]

Oh my Gosh...you're all so nice. Yes, we've tried different binkies...we found that she likes the latex more than the silicone for whatever reason. And her nipples are slow-flow. I'm out of my mind. All she does is scream until something is in her mouth. Which would be fine, except she just won't leave anything in there!
  Her weight is good...she was born 7/10 and went home at 6/5 ( 3 days later).  At her last visit 12 days ago when she was 2 weeks old she was 8/7.  I was happy about that. She seems to be feeding well, but it takes about a dozen tries to get the bottle into her mouth...she has her tounge at the roof of her mouth...so I have to wait for her to cry at which time she lowers her tounge and then I can get it in there. I fear she has some oral motor issue, but I'm probably just being insane. There is just a great sense of sadness that there seems to be no peace for her, or us either. Just didn't think it'd be this way. I'm sure hormones might be playing a role her with my sadness...but it does suck...no pun intended.  

[We Three]

 Nightime routine....a story (futile usually because she just roots, but I read anyway) last bottle, then cuddle with us for a few minutes, then swaddle, then bed. She goes right down like an angel...but wakes every 2 hours on the button! I don't mind that, because she does go right back to sleep usually during the night. At her night feedings I don't even think she's awake, because we don't have the binky issue at overnites that much.

[momofclaire]

Amelia-Your just so cute!  No pun intended, ha ha.  At least you have your sense of humor right....You are going to want to hold onto that cause being a parent demands it. 

Is the main problem that she has to have something in her mouth at all times? 
Does she sleep fairly well?

[We Three]

  Thanks...if I don't laugh I'm for sure gonna just sit in a corner and cry!!! The main problem is not that she needs to have something in her mouth...( I could care less if she has a binkie til she's in college, as long as she's happy) but that she refuses to KEEP anything in her mouth, even though she has an insatiable need to keep it there, she will not or can not. It's just hard when I want to just look at her and interact with her and she just turns her head (in the direction of nothing) with her mouth open wide, always looking, always searching. So I give her something, but it only works for a minute...then she spits it out and the screaming starts...then it will be an hour long game of suck for a minute, spit out, scream, give back binkie, shake it around in her mouth until she knows it's there and latches properly, then a minute of peace, then repeat this process indefinitely. It is really sucking the joy out of our house. And I worry so that she is stressed or anxious in some way...I cannot explain how frantic the sucking is, and how her eyes get big and her breathing chanmges, like she's afraid that she is not ok. I can't explain it, it's just distressing to us.

[momofclaire]

Remember that (I can't believe I am going to say this) everything is a bit more distressing right now.  The two of you have never done this before and it's a frightening and humbling experience.   Do you believe she is eating enough at meals?  Have you tried to "teach" her to hold onto the paci?  Is there anything that calms her other than the sucking? 

I know you are having a very hard time right now.  When Claire was 3 weeks old I thought the world was coming to an end and boy did she confirm that thought by all the crying.  Weeks 3-5 were HORRIBLE.  It was as if she was coming out of the "shock' of being born and m hormones were WAY out of control.  It will get better.  Try to est an EASY sch.  Try to teach her to sleep independently.  Are you familiar with the BW books. Talk to your doc about the sucking. If she is gaining weight then you will just have to work through it.  It will get better.  I have to go DH is wanting to spend time with me. I will check in on you in the morning.  Take care

[Eloisa's Mum]

Hi Amelia I hope your night went well. I agree with pp's, feeling overwhelmed and worried about your baby is SO normal.  At that stage Ellie would only sleep on me and had to be carried the whole time or she screamed her lungs out!  And Ellie would suck like CRAZY on her paci too, and do the funny face, we just used to giggle about that because she seemed to loved to suck so much, maybe if we hadn't had the constant pacing and screaming to deal with we would have focussed more on that!  I don't think I've heard of anyone that really enjoys their first weeks with their firstborn - it's too new, too frightening and feels like more responsibility than we're cut out for - but you will survive it!  We actually planned a Babymoon, banning visitors for 2 weeks so we could relax, watch DVDs, eat good food and gaze admiringly at our baby who we just KNEW would be sleeping peacefully in her bassinet the whole time.  LOL the reality was quite a shock!!!

I agree with pps, try the different dummies.  We found that a newborn dummy was too small, Ellie needed something she could get a better grip on.  Also, have you tried offering her your breast?  If she's now got such a strong urge to suck, and such a strong suck, you could actually get your milk supply back too.  (I got mine back after a week, but there are many stories of women getting it back after MONTHS!)  You never know, maybe that's what she's rooting around for.  Maybe she didn't have such a strong sucking reflex when she was born and now it's just kicked in with a vengeance.  Does she feed from the bottle without dribbling now? 

Maybe if you think the swaddle is what calms her at night and you think it might help during the day, forget about using it to show day/night and just get her swaddled!  You can show day and night by making sure the room where she sleeps is dark, singing certain songs etc. 

Oh and I totally understand what you mean about doctors, have you already had to take her?  We once rushed Ellie to A&E (ER) with a rash in a great panic, they had consultants, senior consultants, the works all rushing down to see her... it was heat rash .  Don't worry about it, they totally expect new mothers to be neurotic but it IS their job to put our minds at ease so if you have to be pushy to get the answers you want, just do it.  Will it be a paediatrician? 

I'll come back later see how you're doing
love from Michelle xxx