Dinnertime has become a warzone- help!

[KathrynK]

hi there
Alreayd posted this in solids but no replies yet and am desperate so hope someone here can help!
DD has become REALLY difficult to feed at dinnertime these last couple of weeks. She is ok at breakfast and lunch most of the time but dinner has become a real struggle. She won't take anything from me at all, wants to do it herself but can't do it with a spoon yet. She is great with finger foods, has been for ages so I have always made sure that we have some bits of veggies, pasta, etc for her to feed herself while I shovel in spoonfuls. This has worked fine until now. Now she won't let me feed her AT ALL. It's not the food that's the problem, as I make all her food & freeze loads so she's having stuff I know she likes. I have tried giving her a spoon, a spoon and fork, a spoon and bowl and she still won't have anything from me. I wondered if dinner was a problem due to having a snack on waking at 3.30 (we have dinner at 5) so yesterday I gave her the snack before her nap at 2, and dinner was still a real struggle. She just flings her spoon & fork on the floor in a temper and then sits there with her arms up for get me out mummy. Yesterday I resorted to shoveling in a mouthful whenever she opened her mouth to yell at me but it feels like I'm forcefeeding her which is awful. Today I took her out of the highchair and into the lounge, waited 5-10 minutes and then tried again, this time putting the food straight on her tray rather then the plate, hoping she would eat bits of carrot, courgette, etc. She had a couple of bits of meatball and pasta and then just yelled and yelled and yelled. She's eaten virtually nothing and I just don't know what to do. She happily let me feed her weetabix this morning, and baked beans at lunchtime while she fed herself toast, so why this at dinner? Should I try a different plate? Maybe I am giving her too much and the sight of it is putting her off? But we've been using the plate for months and I've not increased her portion size.
Please help. I am at my wits end 

[lisi's mum]

As someone who's just got over a hunger strike by my dd I can sympathize - food is such an emotive issue, and one point where LOs can assert their power over their parents.

I'm not really sure if I can offer much help. One idea may be to add some disolving porridge oats (ready brek or so) to her milk before bed if you're not bf-ing on those nights she won't eat dinner - at least she gets some carbs in that way.

It could be that she really just isn't hungry yet. Have you thought of cutting out her afternoon snack all together as an experiment? Or moving dinner a half hour later? Does she have her own spoon as well as the one you feed her with? Mine eats a bit more if she can play feeding herself with her own cutlery.

Then the next questions are is she teething? Very tired? Even light teething combined with the end of the day makes things harder here. Could you have your main meal at lunch time and then just a finger food snack for dinner?

I think I've asked more questions than given answers, but hope something's useful. Sometimes the only thing you can do is be reassured that no child has starved infront of a full plate, and sooner or later she'll eat.

Sorry you have to go through this!
Katie

[KathrynK]

hi guys
thanks for your quick replies!
our routine looks something like this:
6.30am wake & bottle 6oz
9.30am nap 30 mins
10.30am snack
12.30pm lunch
2pm nap 90 mins
3.30pm snack
5pm dinner
7pm bottle 6oz & bed

we have been on 2 bottles for a couple of months now as she wasn't interested in the afternoon one, that's why I introduced a snack after nap. I was wondering if I should try no snack at all tomorrow and see what happens. She has had her own spoon at all mealtimes for a while now- she typically won't eat unless she has some cutlery to hold. Until now that has worked just fine.
She has been teething on and off since New Year but I am reluctant to blame that as breakfast and lunch are fine- it's just dinner that's the problem. I will try no snack tomorrow & see what happens- any more bright ideas???

[lisi's mum]

I bet she's not hungry, I'd do either no snack or later dinner (5.30 or even 6) and see what happens.

[Mom to M&M]

Same here - very small snack is 2:30-3 (today it was 2) and dinner is usually 6:15-6:30 (today likely 5:30).

[yaya]

hugs sweetie, its tough! I dont know if this is a good idea (as it creates an annoying hbit which is hard to break) but we have a box of distraction toys (things he cant have other than at mealtime) for T when we feed him and this helps. Could she be a bit tired at dinner time?
T also lost his apetie when teething. I would just keep giving things she lieks and u kno she'll eat. My ped suggested not panicking or insisting with food as they suss out that this works u up and it becomes a game/habit

[Wilsmon]

She may just not be hungry.  With ds breakfast and especially lunch are usually the big meals.  I learned with #1 that forcing just causes more frustration.  If she won't eat, don't force it and offer a good snack with lots of energy in it before bed.

How old is she?  Could it be that during the day when dh is not there the highchair is o.k. but at night she is ready and wants to sit at the table?  I know that sounds funny but my sister was having a similar problem with her ds.  He ate at daycare fine but not at home. After talking to the caregiver, it turns out he just wanted "big" people silverware - he was done with the smaller stuff!  After they switched he has been fine.  Sometimes it is a guessing game and sometimes its the little things.

[KathrynK]

well you are all geniuses (is that a word?) and I love you all!
Today we had lunch at 12.30 as normal and no snack this afternoon, dinner at 5pm as normal, and.......
it was a success! She ate everything quite happily, fed herself peas and pasta and sat there with her mouth open like a little birdie waiting for mummy to shovel in the bolognaise.
I can't believe it was something as simple as that- how stupid do I feel? (very)
I know they usually have a drop in appetite after turning 1, but wasn't expecting it quite so suddenly!
thanks again, I have of course shown appreciation to every one of you........
            

[lisi's mum]

Hooray

[yaya]

Happy to hear that!