Need a plan for 4 mo nightwakings

[Paulsmama]

DS#2 is 4 mos and has started waking and crying/struggling 3-4 times at night at random times.  He previously would wake twice to bf and fall right back asleep.  There has been a lot going on here lately so I don't know what is causing the nightwakings, probably a combination, but I could really use some advice on how to handle the wakings.  I currently have been bfing at the wakings if it's been 3 hrs since last feed since he is in our room and I don't want him to wake DH. 

Here's the background:

We have been on 3.5 hr EASY for about 3 weeks, working to 4 hrs but battling short naps.  Night for him is typically 6 pm-6 am.  E around 6:30, 10, 1:30, 4:45, usually 45 min naps in am and afternoon with a 2 hr midday nap.

He will go down with shh/pat, occasionally on his own, sometimes I hold him to sleep if I need him to get down quickly so I can deal with DS#1.

He is combo fed since we are in the process of weaning, I am going back to work.  He gets bottles of EBM/formula in the day and bf at night.  He is having a hard time on the bottles and has been more gassy lately.  He is 15 lbs and takes about 20 oz from 4 daytime bottles.  I have started putting gas drops in his bottles.

We have a nanny that started 2 weeks ago, she is great with him.

He started rolling over (back to front) a few days ago.  He is a tummy sleeper.

I have been so desperate for sleep that I have been bringing him in bed with us after midnight.  Sometimes we both fall asleep bf.  At first I thought my milk was just drying up so he would eat a bit more often until he adjusted to taking more in the daytime, but last night he woke and bf at 8 pm (gas -- very short bf), 11 pm (hungry), 2:15 am (short), 5 am (very short, I admit trying to nurse him back down) and then this morning he was not at all interested in his 6:30 am bottle.  I am afraid I'm creating a bad habit but he is difficult to settle at night unless I bf.  DH wants to let him cry.

I feel so lost since DS#1 was so different, he was bottle fed, took a dream feed and didn't need to eat again after that although he might wake for various reasons he was relatively easy to get put back to sleep at this age with shh/pat.  So at least we knew what to do.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

[ki-ton]

Hi there!

Well, you have 2 children, so you already know that 4 months is really small still.    And if you're going back to work, introduced a new nanny, and have changed sleep habits (bringing him into bed), and he's rolling over, that's a lot for a little system to take all at once.  I obviously don't know what the issue is, but I personally don't think he will sleep as well in your bed, and if you don't mean to continue it, don't start it.  You won't sleep as well either with a little bundle of gurgling baby beside you!

He will need a lot of comfort and connection with you while all this transition is going on.  I don't think it will harm him to b/f in the night a little more often until he's comfortable again.  (As long as you're not actually nursing him to sleep).  Hopefully it won't go on for long!  But you might want to try it as a compromise (or move your little one into his own room and feed him there), or your DH might let him cry it out, which might break your heart (you sounded like you don't want to do that...I've never had the heart and had to fend off my husband...   I did find with my son that he was louder at night than my daughter was, and so I was able to move him into his own room quickly.  I could also let him bunt around for a while, and a lot of times he fell asleep again without getting upset, and he only got "mad" when he really needed me for something.

Good luck!

[Paulsmama]

Thanks.  I had some time to think things over last night and have decided I'm not going to pick him up unless he's fully awake (sometimes he screams and is kind of only half awake)  and I'm not going to bf him at night until 5 hrs after his bedtime feed unless he REALLY REALLY seems hungry.  Otherwise we're just going to try to ride out the transition.  Now that I think about it when DS#1 started rolling over front to back he woke every hour the first night and had terrible nightwakings for a couple of weeks.  At least DS#2 will know how to get back over!

So last night went better.  Bedtime feed at 4 pm  , asleep for the night at 5 pm (early even for him but he had started the day at 5 am), cried a bit at 8:30, not fully awake, so I did shh/pat in the crib for about 5 mins and he went back to sleep.  Then woke up at midnight hungry and bf, then woke up at 3:30 am passing gas but seemed hungry too so bf and we both fell asleep  and I woke up holding him around 5 am.  He got up to start the day at 6:10 am  .