Author Topic: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!  (Read 1958 times)

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Offline Lissybits

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Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« on: February 12, 2007, 11:45:20 am »
Please, please help me! I am an English girl living on a Greek island with no help atall.
My 13mo son has been waking at night for as long as I can remember, but lately, everytime the dummy comes out he is waking up - so that's usually 4-5 times per night.
I decided enough was enough and have taken his dummy away and am now doing pd,ssh and pat when he wakes. It's very tough, especially as my Greek husband does not help at all.
Last night (the 2nd night) I gave in and brought him into bed with me at 5am after doing pd for an hour.
Please give me some advice - am I doing the right thing? Won't he become dependent on ssh, pat after a while? How much damage did I do by bringing him in bed with me this morning? Please, I just need some encouragement from someone. How long will this take before I see some improvement? Thanks, Lis.



Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2007, 14:46:15 pm »
I am sorry you are having a rough time.  You can always come here for support. There are wonderful ladies here to give advise and help you through the tough times. 
First-  SHH/Pat will not become a prop.  It is a sleep training tool. Here is a link to SHH/Pat to give you some info on how to do it correctly. 
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64108.0
Athough the paci may be a problem you may want to try a more gentle removal plan with it.  Here is a link to pacifiers and info on how to use them to your advantage but not let them become a prop.  Also a link for removal.
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=55992.0
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=2361.0

If the paci weaning has been fine for you that is great.  You can not use the paci while doing pu/pd.  So if you want to use pd it is advised to not have the paci involved.

PU/PD is a rough thing to go through.  You have to be consistant as bringing him into your bed negates what you are trying to teach him.  I know it is hard but if you have to do the pd you should do it and be consistant because if you aren't it will not work.  It may help to get your husband on board with the plan.

Here is a few links to pu/pd
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=69183.0  (this discusses how long it takes to work)
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=36950.0 (why pu/pd won't work)

Actually here is the link to the pu/pd board  :)  sorry for all the links :) 
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=89.0

Let me know if you have questions I would be happy to try and help.

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Offline Lissybits

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2007, 06:15:18 am »
Thank you so,so much for your reply. I cried when I read it. It's just so nice to know that I've got some support - I really feel alone here sometimes, it's difficult when you don't have family near.
  I didn't have a good night last night. I think part of the problem is that when my H comes home at 3pm, I go to work and he just will not do PD,ssh pat for the afternoon nap. He said he tried yesterday afternoon but gave up after a while and even lay down with Nicholas - but he wouldn't go to sleep. Consequently, he didn't have his nap.
 yesterday afternoon - so this doesn't help.
Anyway I've printed some of the links you sent and I'm not giving up now - thanks to you!
I also wanted to ask you what the ideal nap/feed routine should be for a 13mo. Maybe I could try to have N asleep before I leave for work at 3pm?
Thanks again for replying so promptly - I'm sure I'll be contacting you again very soon!



Offline Layla

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2007, 08:28:54 am »
Hi there, sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your lo a the moment.

Just wanted to let you know that at 13 months, my dd was also fighting the pm nap. It might be that he is also in the process of transitioning to 1 nap. It would work really well if you have him take a morning nap around 9ish (depending on when he wakes up for the morning. Usually the awake time in the morning is 3hrs). But wake him up after about 45mins and then try for an afternoon nap around 1ish. That way he is tired enough to take an afternoon nap and you can have him napping before you go to work  ;). So when dh gets home, all he has to do is play, feed and get him ready for bedtime  :D.

At 13 months, my dd's schedule was:
6am - awake
6.30 - breakfast (+ milk)
9am - nap1 (I used to wake her after 45 mins)
10am - snack
12pm - lunch
12.30pm - nap 2 (usually 1.5hrs)
2.30pm - snack
5pm - dinner
6pm - bath and bedtime routine. milk before bedtime
6.30 - bedtime

HTH
Layla



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Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2007, 12:18:19 pm »
Layla made a excellent point about the naps.  I may have overlooked the age of your lo because the 2-1 nap transition might help you a lot.

At 13 mo my dd's sch was like this

7:30-8:00 wake and eat
12:30-12:45 nap  (2 hours, maybe a little longer)
7:45 Bed

She transitioned to one nap very easily at about 12 mo.  She fought her pm nap for about a week and then I tried to gradually transition her but quickly found that she's a cold turkey kind of girl  ;)

Some, in fact a lot of babies do not transition the way she did or ar early.  I would stick with Layla's plan if you think it will work for you, this way you can avoid a tired baby. Good luck. 
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Offline Lissybits

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2007, 21:04:54 pm »
Hello again, We haven't really seen much improvement this week, although he is going down with PD, ssh , pat much quicker then he was initially - hardly any crying.  He's still waking up every 1 - 1 1/2 hrs  during the night (apart from the hours of 5 -7 for some unknown reason) Last night he woke at 11,1.30,2,4,5,7 and this has generally been the pattern this week - I am absolutely shattered and finding it hard to cope but I am soo determined this is going to work - I'm not giving up.
I've been thinking that a few things in his routine may not be helping the PD success, which I'd like to ask about, but am I being too optimistic in hoping for an improvement so soon as this has been an escalating problem for months and months?
He normally wakes up at 7, so his morning nap is usually at 10.30 - he's not ready before then, but now with PD and without his dummy he's not going to sleep until 11. If he's left to sleep, he'll wake at 12.15 and then at 12.30ish, we have lunch. Consequently, he's not ready for his afternoon nap until 4ish, which is very late and my DH lets him sleep until he wakes up which is normally 5ish - could this be another factor for the night wakings?
 My DH also refuses to do PD and if DS doesn't go to sleep without a fuss, Dh lies down with him!  I really need to switch to another routine so I can put DS down for his nap before I leave for work at 3pm (when DH comes home).
Another problem I have is that 3 times a week I have to drop DS off at DH's family until 3pm when DH picks DS up ( although SH often stays there for lunch!).  As there isn't a cot there  DS either falls asleep in pushchair (rarely tho - have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? - noisy family!!) or later at 4pm at home with DH.
What do you suggest to all of this waffle?! I'd be really grateful to any advice - I just can't see an end to the sleepless nights - ever!
Thanks loads again
 :D



Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2007, 21:23:16 pm »
Well, the key to getting pd to work is consistancy. It isn't going to work as well or as quickly if dh isn't on board with it. 
You could try waking the little one at 6 to start the day. Then maybe get your sch to look like the one Layla posted above.  Do you think your lo my be ready for only one nap?  If he is that would solve part of the problem also.
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Offline Lissybits

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2007, 21:35:35 pm »
Thanks, I'll try the 6am wake up tomorrow, although the thought of 1 hour less sleep is not appealing at the moment - but anything to end this waking problem.I really don't think I can get DH to do PD, so I'll have to hope DS is tired enough at 7pm to go down without it. I'll keep you posted.
Thanks again :D



Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2007, 21:42:44 pm »
If she wakes at 6 then she should be going to bed at 6.  It really would be best to get DH on board.
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Offline Minx

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2007, 21:44:17 pm »
Hi
Sorry you feel like you're going through this on your own  :(
I've not got any advice that'll help you as I only joined myself yesterday with night waking problems but your post touched me and I wanted to reply, as momofclaire pointed out you can always come here for support.  I have received some great adivce/support and I've only been posting a day.
You're not on your own  :)
xkarenx


Offline Lissybits

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2007, 07:24:28 am »
Hi Karen, thanks for the post and the thought. Thank goodness I can turn to the lovely ladies here for support -I feel they are the only ones who understand what we go through.
It's been soo difficult here having a baby. There is no help at all - no Health Visitors, no breastfeeding groups, no mother and baby groups - tough on a new mum!
IF ONLY I'd found the book and the website earlier and I wouldn't be having the problems I have now. It's only when you read the advice on the message boards that you realise - 'accidental parenting' fom day one.
I just hope we can crack this problem of DS's night wakings - it's really getting me down.
Thank goodness my mum is coming for 3 weeks at Easter -I CANNOT WAIT to see her!
Nice to talk to you - say hello to England for me!
Lis x



Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2007, 01:49:00 am »
lis- It is great that your mom is coming to visit. With another person there for that amount of time you can probably tackle some problems together. I would enlist her help with whatever you need help with. You can come here for support or advice any time. Let me know how you get on.
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Offline aisling

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2007, 02:12:54 am »
(((((HUGS)))) Lis. 

I just saw this post.  I feel for you so much, you deserve a medal.  You are so brave weaning the paci, good for you.  I really think that late nap is causing the NW's and with this age no doubt a little sep anx, teething, increase in mobility....whole bunch of developmental things going on. Also, does your little one eat well?  Is his milk intake enough? Teething? Very important things to consider.  My DS just transitioned to one nap recently.  Our routine looked like this at 13 months:

7am wake up-Milk then breakfast
9:30-10am nap.  I did this nap in the stroller walking (my exercise!) and yes, sometimes had to wake him at 30 min's, but it was my only chance of a good afternoon nap at the earlier time, not a minute longer.
12:00 Lunch then I topped him up with some milk before the nap
1:30-3:00 Nap in cot (you get ready for work and also relax)
3:00 DH's turn!!!  Sometimes I gave him the rest of his milk if he didn't take much before nap with a small snack.
5:00 Supper
7:00 Milk and Bed

HTH!  Keep us posted.

Aisling x


Offline Minx

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2007, 06:25:48 am »
Hi Lis
Great news that your mum is coming to stay with you, at least you'll get some much needed help.  Remember, you are doing a fantastic job with your ds. Coping through all this without any support, I take my hat off to you.  I remember the complete shock of when I had ds, it really knocked me for six, fortunately for me I had people around to help and ask.  As momofclaire said, you can always come here for support or advice  :-*.
Roll on Easter eh!
xkarenx


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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2007, 06:58:11 am »
Thanks to you all for the support. Another terrible night last night and so consequently, I didn't wake up at 6am as planned. We're going to go for a walk after breakfast to try Aisling's routine. Just a thought, DH pointed out last night that night wakenings have got much worse since we transfered to cow's milk at end of December and 1 particular night when DS was sick after milk - he slept ALL night!! (the 3rd or 4th time since I can't remember when!) What do you think about this?  When I asked the pedi here about changing to cow's milk she said not until 2yrs and that I should give evaporated milk which is especially designed for toddlers(you mix with water). As I didn't want to give evapor (yuck!) I followed advice of health visitors in U.K and gave cow's milk.
I also checked if they sell "toddler" powder, but they only sell the 6mo +.
Any ideas?
He normally drinks 210ml at bedtime - this is ok right?



Offline momofclaire

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Re: Frequent waking - dummy dependent - HELP!
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2007, 16:45:49 pm »
You may want to talk to you doc about the cow milk.  Dh had a terrible milk allergy when he was young.  He didn't sleep and was cranky and itchy all the time. They finally found out it was the milk, switched him to goats milk and he did great.  He has since grown out of the allergy.  It's worth a look.  If the milk is the problem then that is easily fixed.
Good Luck to you.
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