4am Awakenings Post-Adoption

[khs]

I'm hoping you all can give me some advice. . .

We've been home from China for almost 6 months now with our daughter, who is now almost 15 mos. old. We kept her in our room for 2 months, then transitioned her to her own bedroom. She goes down to bed without a fight and for another month, she slept through the night for a while Then she started waking up at 4am crying.

For several weeks, I'd get up with her and give her a bottle, but then I realized she wasn't really hungry; she just wanted to be held. So I stopped giving her the bottle and held her for 10 minutes or so, walking her through the dark house and sitting in the rocking chair in the family room.  Whether or not she was asleep after rocking, I'd put her back to bed with her silky, which she sucks/chews on for comfort.

About a month ago, she started waking up in the middle of the night-- screeching. Sometimes yelling out "Mama!"  Last week, she broke through three teeth. It does not appear that more are close to coming through, and I thought maybe it was her teething that was waking her up.

Then, three nights over the weekend we had houseguests, and she slept in our room again in her pack n play. Getting her to sleep was more of a struggle (because of the change in her bedtime routine), but once in bed, she slept through the night all three nights without a hitch.

Then, last night we returned her to her crib in her room. We followed her typical bedtime routine (bath, pajamas with lotion/massage, sippy cup of milk with rocking for 10 min., laid down in crib with silky that she sucks/chews on).  Sure enough, at 4am she was up screeching again. I let her scream for almost 30 full minutes (against my better judgement) and then went to pick her up. I tried patting her on the back, but only picking her up helped and walking around with her for a bit helped.  Any time I tried putting her down, she began screeching. I took her to bed with us for about 10 minutes until she'd completely quieted down. Then I put her down in her crib, awake, with her silky and she put herself to sleep and slept until morning.

I'm guessing she didn't actually sleep through the night in our bedroom, but woke up and saw us in bed, then felt comforted and went back to sleep.

I have been incredibly lenient in picking her up and rocking her during the night because she was institutionalized in an orphanage prior to the adoption-- she never slept alone before coming to the U.S.  She is developmentally on target, she is a good eater, and she doesn't show any other red flags regarding attaching/bonding to us.  She stays with grandma all day while we're at work, naps 1-2 hours in the afternoon (from 1-3pm), has dinner between 5:30pm and 6:00pm, then plays, has a bath, has a sippy cup, and goes to bed.

What have others done to help their kids with this middle-of-the-night-need-for-reassurance? I'm not sure if this an adoption-related issue (almost everyone on the adoption-related boards thinks it's an attachment issue and tells me I should be either bringing her into our room or staying in her room with her until she falls back asleep), but I imagine many parents on this board have some good advice.

Thanks so much!
Karen in San Diego

[Colin Macs Mom]

Karen,

I'm going to move your post over to sleeping for toddlers since she's over 12 months. Congratulations on your DD, adoption is a beautiful thing! However, I don't know enough about it to comment on if the wakings are attachment related.     I would bet that the teething had (or maybe HAS!) something to do with it if not everything.

It sounds like she does know how to put herself to sleep, but I personally would try and quit rocking and definitely not walk her around the house. You don't want those things to become habits!

[Layla]

Hi Karen & welcome to the boards!

A couple of things came to my mind when I was reading your post. As you mentioned there has been some change in her routine, which naturally can bring on sleep disturbances.

She could be going through SA & she is in general probably missing you being that she is in someone else's care all day. I know how hard it is when your baby is just not going back to sleep but please don't let her cry again. She is crying for a reason and if she is going through SA then letting her cry at night can do more harm than good. Having said that I would also try and spend more time with her before bedtime and really make it about her... lots of cuddles, hugs and kisses.

You also mentioned that she takes her nap at 1pm. What time does she wake and go to bed at night? It could also be that her nap is a little bit too late and the overtiredness has accumulated over time and is also causing nightwakings. I remember pushing Isabellas nap to 12.30-1pm from 12pm. It worked for 2 weeks with no probs but then all of a sudden she started taking shorter naps, waking at night all distressed and waking up really early in the morning also crying. When I brought her nap forward again, the nightwakings stopped. The av awake time before a nap is 5.5hrs so if she starts her day at 6am, 1pm is a little late for nap and it should be close to 12ish.

I also think that you need to stop taking her out of the crib and rocking her/or taking her back to your bed. If you are happy with her in your bed then of course thats ok but if not, try and settle her in her crib only. I know its hard, especially if hse is used to sleeping with someone all the time.

If she is teething give her some meds to ease the pain.

I would start by GW and if thats not working, you can try wi/wo. Could your dh try and help at night so that you can get some rest as well?

Layla

[Zaiby]

Hi Karen!

We adopted our little guy about a year ago when he was 6 months old - he's now 16 months...and he was a terrible sleeper because he was  basically rocked and bottle fed to sleep everytime and every 2-3 hours at that by his caregiver - he was well taken care of , (although I'm grateful for this) but we had serious sleep issues for 2-3  months after as he was waking every 1-2 hrs..

We also let him sleep with us for the first 2 months because his caregiver slept beside him (he was in a cradle) on the floor and he was used to having someone there constantly..
We also had to do the walking around rocking thing - which we didn't mind at first because of attachment/bonding issues, but eventually we were so sleep deprived and he really was quite happy during the day that we decided he was alright with us and something needed to change.

We finally did sleep training (wi/wo every couple of minutes) and he started to sleep through and would wake only once or twice, and now sleeps through most of the time - however - we have an early riser which has always been the case and I have posted at length about this and gotten some great advice here..

So, in answer to your question about it being adoption related, at this point I would venture to say no - if your daughter is well adjusted, happy, developing, eating well like you mentioned, it seems that as the pp mentioned, it's probably overtiredness for the most part and sa...She;s just like any toddler with these issues..
What is her current routine?  Maybe if you post, a little tweaking might help...Riyan gets overtired very easily and I really have to work at keeping his sleep in order..

Congrats on the adoption, and I'm sure you'll get a ton of advice here!
Zaibun

[laneym]

Could someone out there please help me?? We've been home from China almost 2 years now and our sweet, wonderful daughter just turned 3 this week. We've always had sleep challenges, but sometimes she would do ok, even sleeping 11hours through the night (though never for more than a week or so). For the past few weeks, some nights she only sleeps 6-8 hours total, and doesn't always take a nap (even after that short sleep). She's definately overtired, but also has trouble allowing herself to relax and go to sleep. She usually just keeps going till she literally just can't anymore. She's a very routine girl and doesn't like it for her routine to be changed at all. She likes me to read to her at bedtime & night wakings (sometimes are 3-4 hours long) and be rocked - when it seems she's using them to stay awake longer, I'll set a limit, but she totally freaks out when I do say that it's been enough. I have another toddler, also 3, that I just can't risk waking up along with her at night so I do the best I can to calm her, sometimes giving in. I don't know how much of this is a post-orphanage issue, a toddler issue, or a personality issue. She seems well bonded (I'm a stay home Mommy) but does show some signs of possible PTSD-type issues, including early sensory deprivation, but is otherwise on target with milestones and abilities. I'm at a loss for what to do because NOTHING seems to be working. She's quite pitiful and my heart breaks for her when I can't help her go to (or back to) sleep and I'm very tired.  As I said, I have another 3 year old as well so it would help me be a better mommy to get some sleep. I just want to help her and teach her to go to sleep, stay asleep, and help her go back to sleep....any suggestions out there???  BTW - I am opposed to crying it out due to her 1st year being spent in an orphanage, as well as my other toddler and working husband also sleeping....  Please help!