i put this in my reply of other thread but wanted to start new post for this!!

[AidansMommy]

So I am copying my reply to my other post about bottles, thought I would repost it in new one with the hopes that more of you might read it and give me your valuable insights!!! I need help!!!!!!!..................

Wow, you all said so many interesting things I don't even know where to start in response!  I agree about the dental care of not drinking bottle in bed and brush teeth before bed.  Got that and totally agree.  I see the point about making sure not to allow bottle full of milk a substitute for meals.  We do have food issues.  But I don't know if that is the bottle problem or not.  We have gone days of just using sippies but I FEED IT TO HIM he doesn't drink it himself.  I am not sure how to fix that.  He doesn't tilt it properly to drink from and so he gets mad and throws it and i end up FEEDING it to him, he doesn't feed himself.  Maybe i am not using th right sippy.  We have had big problems with his solid food consumption.  I suspect that the problem is because he has developed a negative connotation to meal times as we have had great difficulties with my step son and meal times.  ONce we (too late) realized that we think it is affecting the lo we have TRIED to stop the battle at the table but it is hard.  I don't know how to remove all of the stresses at the table - which would in turn help my lo find more enjoyment out of eating (oh, when he was littler he would eat anything but now hates the approach to the table and everything about it.......one time step son was not here for a week and in that week my lo actually tried a dozen things he would never try...now we are back to beginning again...)
SO I guess maybe i have more questions that just about the bottle! hahahaha  Any ideas about how to make meal times fun?  especially when you have obstacles (dss who is almost 6 uses meal times as his battle ground -- he literally will vomit all over the table if he doesn't get his way! yikes!!!)  I guess I need alot of help!!!!!!!
hugs, Tammy

[Lana]

First of all what do you mean when you say that your step son causes battles at meal time?  Like he doesnt want to eat? 

I would say that there is nothing wrong with using bottles it just depends on how much he is having.  How old is your ds?

[AidansMommy]

ds is 15 months.
step son -- yeah, refusal to eat.  In the summer he went days and days without eating to the point where he was sick, had abdominal/intestinal probs, and was WAY underweight.  He has issues with food. It sucks.

[mrsrobbo]

wow, it sounds like you have a hard time every day!
I don't think there is anything wrong with using bottles still at 15 months. We dont anymore but it was only because we went away and DH forgot to pack them! so we tried the sippy and its ok.
Does your LO not feed himself a bottle? do you have to feed that too?

[Lana]

Have you spoken to a doctor about your step son?  I think you really need to get that worked out so that your ds doesnt see it kwim?

how about your ds will he eat if step son isnt there?

[AidansMommy]

ok, well first off - sometimes ds will feed himself a bottle but depends on his mood and the type of bottle!  (maybe he is just too darn spoiled or something! haha)
As for step son....WELL here is the real glitch to it all - we have moved from the city to a small town and there is not much here for resources AND we have a VERY DIFFICULT time with med professionals agreeing to the severity of the prob.....even with him underweight, etc.  they still think it is a phase or something (this has been consistently going on for over 2 years) because they don't want to view it as a young boy having an eating disorder of sorts......they all say, well if  he doesn't want to eat then fine, which is what i am going to have to do - even if that means he gets sick and goes in hospital or something!....because when i did that before he literally did not eat until we forced him.  ridiculous.......
Oh, and YES ds will eat MUCH better if step son not around, especially if he is gone more than a day (we have full custody at the moment so this doesn't happen often).
IT is a tough situation bc I have to look out for my son ya know, kwim?  but at the same time i do love my step son and want to help him too.  It is SO HARD and i have no one to talk to about it! people are seem to be scared off! haha
anyways, thanks for listening if nothing else ladies.  thank you.  Tammy

[nathan_smom]

Tammy...this is just totally throwing it out there......is it possible that your ss is doing any of this for attention reasons....being a divorce situation?? Not an answer, but rather just a thought??
Can you possibly make separate meal times so thatyour ds doesnt have to see or hear this constant food battle? It may be extra hard work, but may be worth so that like you said,  your ds isnt exposed to the constant negativity towards food...
I hope more people post for you....good luck!
{{{{{{{{{{{{HHHUUUUUUGGGGGGGSSSSSS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[AidansMommy]

thank you!!!!!!
yes, i do think this is part of it.  he is a real attention getter ALL THE TIME so yes, i am sure that is a piece of it.  THe thing is, he gets the most attention, albeit negative at times, he gets MORE than his share.  Another bit.....his mom has eating issues too and didn't feed him proper when she had him. ugh.
thank you! Tammy

[nathan_smom]

Oh boy....sounds like there are definitely a lot of underlying issues here...I am a HUGE fan of communication. I dont know how verbal he is, but maybe just trying to get him to talk about his feelings and why he acts the way he does, or feels the way he does might help???.... I am sure you tried this....
How about a favorite activity he enjoys, like reading or drawing or watchng tv....maybe you can incorporate a small snack while he does this??? Again....just off the top of my head....

[AidansMommy]

well, he says he does this bc "eating is too hard for me" and when he eats he feels around under his shirt rubbing his belly to see if he can feel food in it.  He says he doesn't like to feel full and he doesn't need food.
it is weird.

[AidansMommy]

I have been thinking the EXACT same thing! Stop the fight and it will either correct itself or it won't - in which case something should come out of it (ie med prof can't argue if he gets so sick).
I will try and offer AIdans (lo's) food at different times I just reallly would like us to eat as a family.
Aidan drinks milk and I can get rid of bottles, he is not overly attached, not a problem (he has gone many days without before) - I just haven't found a sippy that works good as a replacement.....and I want him to be doing it himself, be more independant.

[AidansMommy]

Thanks Stacy, i think you are right!  hugs, Tammy

[Lana]

I agree you need to take the fight out of mealtimes for your step son.  Put the food on the table and if he eat he eats and if he doesnt he doesnt.  In the end it will sort itself out and you will be less stressed out.  And it may make it easier for your ds so that he can enjoy mealtime. 

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[AidansMommy]

thank you to all of you, you are so helpful and great listeners!!!
hugs, Tammy

[Lana]

NO worries.  Be sure to keep us posted on how things go

[gabriels mum]

Hi Tammy

Wow, sounds really stressful for you!

I couldn't see how old your ss is?  But just wondered if he went to nursery/school etc, as I wondered how he ate while away from the family?

By the sounds of things my ds eats a lot better at nursery than he does at home, and I think the whole peer pressure thing really helps.  I wondered if it was possible for your ss to attend something like this, so you can assess how he is with food around other little people - it may help with teaching him that food is not only needed, but also social and fun?!

Just a thought - good luck!

[AidansMommy]

My ss is almost 6.  He did go to day care and now he is in kindergarten and unfortuntely he didn't even eat there.  I think he must have some issues with food.  On the weekend he told me that he doesn't need to listen to his body if his body says it is hungry, he can do what he wants and doesn't have to do what his body wants. yikes. then yesterday he looked me in the face and puked all over me.  ugh.  ugh.   ugh.