3 1/2 mon. old is hold me baby and trying to get to crib...HELP!

[bbbeyes]

My 3 1/2 mon. old son was a preemie so has slept with husband & i, or carried to sleep since came hm from hospital.  At times he'll sleep in swing or in crib (if already asleep when PD. But only sleeps for about thirty mins. max, then wakes up & will scream cry until i or husband picks him up. Then he'll go right to sleep b/c he's so tired. but lately won't sleep more than 2 mins. in our arms. Getting VERY frustrated and don't know what to do b/c can't take listening to him cry, choke on spit, tears streaming down face for hours.  Have tried putting in crib, letting cry 5-10 mins. then going in and giving pacifier back to him, pat him to sleep then leave room. Doesn't work. Also, have just left him in there, but continues to cry for the full time between feeds which after he eats and plays for an hour, is about two hours. He is every three hours for feeds.

[frustratedmommy]

I'm sorry you're having so much difficulty. It is so hard to have our little ones crying. All I can tell you is what I did. My DD wasn't a premie so I can only imagine your anxiety. How is his development now?
I started by nursing her into a cozy lull and then putting her down in her crib drowsy. It took almost a month to get her into sleeping in her crib full time, but I was like you...couldn't stand to hear her cry, and worrying that she'd wake our toddler.
I started with nap time and made sure that when I nursed her I had a small blankie (about the size of a wash cloth) that I tucked in next to me and her that would soak up our smells. I would make sure that she always had that blankie. It creates somewhat of a prop but it makes for an easier transition. She's 5 months now and sleeps in her crib no problem. She always goes down with her "blankie" and after I wash it I make sure that I "re-scent" it by placing it between our bodies while she nurses.
When she would wake crying (having not slept long enough) I would NOT pick her up...but I wouldn't leave her either. I spoke in a soothing voice and held her hand. Every so often I would replace my finger with the "blankie" so that she would associate that with soothing.
I also make sure there is white noise in the room...humidifier or womb sound bear. Some nights are awesome and others I still have to go and hold her hand for a second or place the blankie near her. But all in all she's doing well! Where abouts are you located?
I'll be thinking of you...I know this is a rough road but it will get better. Sending hugs! Please keep posted.

[bbbeyes]

  Thank you for the great idea...I am going to definitely try that!  I thought we were supposed to nurse them, then play, then sleep.  That is the schedule we have been on.  He'll nurse, we'll play from 30mins-1 hour, then he does his tired cry(that's very distinct at this time), then I hold him to sleep. Then place him in swing or baby papasan chair and he'll last there for about 10 mins., on a good day 40mins. Then he'll cry til I PU. Same goes for crib.  I really need to get him in crib b/c I work nights so my husband has him and he has a hard time sleeping with him b/c he can't sleep next to him like I do so he doesn't sleep much.  His morning nap after he gets up and we play is his best.  Like this a.m. he slept for an hour 1/2 in his papasan chair.  so you suggest i nurse to sleep? Developmentally he is doing GREAT!!! He smiles, starting to figure out his laugh and talking voice, grabs things, holds his head up, rolls from tummy to back...doing really well Thank you again!

[JakesMom070606]

This is what we did when my DS was that age, and I think this is what she was saying too... basically, is to get baby nice and drowsy.  I remember reading this somewhere in the book- those early tired signs- the yawn and specific tired cry/fuss.  As soon as I would notice those, I would take him in his room and help him wind down.  (rocking chair, rock, etc), and when his eyes got heavy and started wanting to shut, then I put him in his crib.  So he was still awake in his crib, but drowsy enough to not protest.  That's how I weaned him from the first few weeks of being held all the time (I waited 9 months for him, and just wanted to hug him and spend those weeks soaking it all in!) 
This is all past-tense, because when I went back to work (4 1/2 months), we let it all fall apart!  Now he's 7 months and we're starting over.  I wish this method would work again for us, but he doesn't get drowsy.  He goes from awake, then I rock/walk to help him wind down, and he goes to "asleep" immedietely!  There's no in-between anymore!  And if he's WIDE awake when I put him in the crib, he wails.  So I'm dealing with my own problems, but just wanted to give you my input on what worked when I was in your shoes.  I wish we hadn't let things slip!  HTH!
-Megan
P.S.  You work nights- what do you do?  I used to work nights (RN), and I always thought it would be that much harder if I had a baby at home... I hope you are getting enough rest!!! 

[frustratedmommy]

Yes..Megan is correct. That is what I meant. Making sure your baby is in a drowsy relaxed state before you're putting him to bed. Definitely stay away from nursing to sleep! That is a whole other bag of stuff to get rid of!
Now that she is older I do try to stick to the EASY routine, but some days I have to be flexible. She was a really big eater for the first 4.5 months. I had the worst time getting her to go 4 hours between feeds, but we're there now and it's going GREAT for us.
I am so happy for you that your LO is developing so well. Please let us know how it goes for you.
~ Marie

[bbbeyes]

Well, the putting him down drowsy really works.  We have been successful for at least 1-2 naps a day in the crib.  He'll sleep from 30-1 1/2 hours in the crib!  Just depends.  He is very finicky. He'll sleep in the swing sometimes, or the papasan chair, it all depends.  He has been waking up about 30 mins. before feeding time and then plays and then once he gets done eating, falls asleep at the breast (sometimes).  So then should I wake him and have him play longer? I am a night RN and thank you for the hope of good sleep, but that is few and far between these days.  I'm lucky if I get an hour the day of and then four hours the day after. So I am ALWAYS tired.  I sleep great the nights that I am here though, so that helps.  Anyway, I am going to continue to try and put him in the crib.  The only down fall is that I want him to sleep with me at night b/c I love cuddling him!! They're only little for so long, but I am sure this only confuses the crib thing more.  Thank you for your help ladies!

[frustratedmommy]

Glad to hear that you are having some success! Naps are where I started and then moved to night time...It is hard to give up your cuddles, but it really is for the best. I started realizing that my dd was actually sleeping more solid when she wasn't tucked up next to me...Yes, I'll admit she woke more at first, ( but I think she missed being able to nurse when she wanted, not just missing me!) Once we managed to get her dozing back off after mid-nap waking it was better.

Are you trying to get him to doze back off when he wakes at the 30 mins mark?

How long are his activity times?

With my dd I'm happy with 1.5 hour nap! But I still hold off her feed. So some days...(I'm flexible here), we have 30 mins activity, nurse and then depending on how long she feeds, another 45 mins activity give or take. You have to see what works for you...but stick to whatever routine you figure out. When things are predictable and scheduled your baby will appreciate it!

Good luck and I'm sorry you don't get more sleep! do you have support? I know you want to spend as much time with your DS as possible, but he needs a mommy who takes care of herself as well! I know how hard RN's work...stay healthy!

[JakesMom070606]

Oh my goodness, I can't believe how *little* sleep you are getting!!!  I know that a crying baby is WAY more difficult to deal with when you are sleep deprived!!!  If he's crying and having sleep issues, it's easy to be calm and deal when you are at least semi-rested, but once the sleep deprivation sets in, it becomes a nightmare!  A month ago I bit the bullet and did some sleep training with my 8-month old son.  It was really really hard for a few days, but soooooo worth it!!!!  He now sleeps in his crib for naps and nighttime.  I really miss him snuggling in my bed, but I also like being able to change positions at night (my back isn't sore anymore!) and my husband isn't so squished anymore.  He still wakes twice in the night to feed and I know he doesn't *need* it, but I dont' mind- I'm actually enjoying that time together (especially on the days I worked).  I'm a RN on dayshift... I think our hours are too long!  I leave in the morning before he wakes up and I get home at night after he's asleep for the night.  Of course I want him in my bed!  I miss him!  But we're doing okay.  He just gets lots of hugs when I am home.  Anyways, I'm glad that you are doing a bit better.  Hang in there!  I will say that if you eventually want him in the crib at nighttime, then it's better to do it sooner than later.  It'll just get harder the longer you wait.  (I know from experience!)  But you have to do what works for you.  Especially with your crazy schedule!  Anyways, If you decide to do the switch and have any questions, I just got done with our transition and I'd be glad to help.  I really needed some support during those first few nights!!!  Take care!
-Megan