Obsessing around schedules

[mich0902]

Ok, I love the EASY thing, I'm totally sold on it.  But I find myself obsessing over schedules and such, always keeping an eye on my watch, saying "I can't possibly go out this afternoon, when is DD going to sleep!".  Short naps actually make me depressed and if she wakes up a little too early in the morning, instead of being sorry about the lost sleep I go "How is this going to affect the rest of her day?".  Am I the only one feeling like this?  As much as EASY can make my life easier when it works (half of the time these days), when it doesn't, it's actually putting me under more pressure and I feel like a failure.

Am I the only one?  Am I normal or am I too demanding for myself?   

Michele

[LyndaManus]

My sister is like that a lot - I am but not as much (I work and my lo is in daycare 5 days a week so I don't think it is possible for me to obsess over ds's routine).  You are not the only one, you are normal, but you are being too demanding on yourself

Most lo's are so adaptable.  I certainly think you should do what you can to make sure your lo is able to nap in a quiet dark space at the proper times as much as possible, but I think you also need to get out a bit and let your lo roll with the punches.  A nap in a stroller or car seat, while not ideal, is certainly doable.  DH and I have the opinion that we want to adapt the schedule to fit our lifestyle not have our lives run by our lo's.  I think EASY helps with this b/c you have a better idea of when your lo will be tired/awake/hungry.

Also, think of EASY as a rountine, not a schedule.  EAS is meant to better enable you to read your lo's cues and forecast when he/she will be tired/hungry.  If you rule them by a clock their cues may be ignored.

[Clarepie]

Hi,
No you're not the only one,I too have been a little obsessed with schedules.My LO is very good and adaptable on the whole,so I shouldn't worry but I do.Like you,when she wakes early in the morning which she has been doing(she's 5 months),I then think,oh no how is she going to be the rest of the day,but she's fine,we keep to EASY with no problem,just have to tweak it here and there and carefully watch her cues,which I tend to do more now instead of watching the clock,as I have put her down too early and she became the 45min nap monster.Now she's on 4 hour routine and doing nice long naps.I am still hesitant in going to mums and baby groups as they always tend to be when she's down for a nap.I don't want her to miss out on socializing with other babies and I need to socialize more aswell so I will do it.EASY is flexible if we let it be,it is hard to get away from the mindset of sticking to schedules but we need to sometimes don't we?I hope this reassures you a bit.

Clare x

[AnnaBenwell]

Michele Thank You so much for Posting this! I am so bloody fed up with being worried all the time! All i do is worry! Its making me feel like i have No life. I agree with all that is written in the books! When it works its fantastic, But i have 3 boys and this is now taking over their lives 2. Cheers Made me rethink how i need to do things. As long as my little 1 is happy then so am i. Have been following easy 4 2 months and Most of that time i have felt really down. Things are going to change. Thanks for giving me the confidence to say so. Thanks to everyone for all the advice, will stay around, But Not be so het up on the routine Part. Anna

[tylersmommy]

Michele-

I'm currently BWing my 2nd kiddo (I did BW with my 3 yo from birth) and I felt the exact same way the first time around. EASY ruled my life. I was a clock watcher and a total stickler about everything. When he was going through the short nap phase, I would literally burst into tears when I'd hear him awake and cooing after a 30 min nap. I don't think I enjoyed him as much as I could have, that's for sure. I was too busy obsessing and clock watching.

I've learned to let go a bit...in fact, this time around, I've really had no choice. #1 has places to be and #2 just has to go with the flow sometimes, even if it isn't ideal for her routine. We aim for 1 nap a day in the crib, the rest are usually in the car seat. It hasn't been a problem at all. There's a whole world out there for me and my 2 kiddos to explore, and I don't want any of us to miss out. My goal is to strike a balance between following EASY and living our lives, and I think we're doing okay.

Another thing to keep in mind...EASY is meant to be a routine, not a schedule. The difference is that a routine is flexible and adaptable, a schedule isn't. I keep one eye on the clock to make sure we aren't going too long between feeds or having too much A time, but I mainly go by her cues. We take it one EASY cycle at a time!

[LyndaManus]

Another thing to keep in mind...EASY is meant to be a routine, not a schedule. The difference is that a routine is flexible and adaptable, a schedule isn't. I keep one eye on the clock to make sure we aren't going too long between feeds or having too much A time, but I mainly go by her cues. We take it one EASY cycle at a time!

Yep, I think you said it much better than I did - I totally agree with you.

[Grace's Mom]

I agree with everything they have said. 

I am a very organized person and having a baby really made me step back and take a look at myself.  It was a really, really hard first couple of months for me after having Grace because I was looking at it as a schedule and got really nervous and worried trying to figure out how to fix things and make our schedule perfect.  I feel like I missed out on so much because all I did was worry.  I eventually realized that babies are constantly changing....needing more A time, needing less sleep here or there, etc. and I just had to go with it and except that I can not be in 100% control of this little person, hence the routine instead of the schedule.  My job/goal is to be the best mommy I can and know my baby so that I can read her cues and know when best to help her adjust her day.  It is a hard thing but if you tell yourself that nothing in life is perfect and know that you will be so much happier just sitting back and enjoying the very precious time these early months will  be so much more enjoyable for you.  It goes by way to fast to worry about all the small things.  You are doing a wonderful job. Keep up the good work and remember to sit back, relax, get some good sleep and enjoy being a mommy.

Melissa

[g8rgirl]

I'm the same way.  I am trying to be more easygoing about things.  (Not easy to do)    I am new to the whole BW thing, so I am trying to learn the ropes and adapt it to best fit me and my baby.  I really just tried EASY today and it is working okay so far.  My DD is only 3 weeks old, so we're working on getting her night/day clock on track.  I just have to tell myself that things will work out and keep doing what I think is best.  (I also let myself cry and be a basketcase when I need to.)  I think it helps to let it out.  I usually feel better after a while.  It's nice to know that I'm not the only one obsessing about things. 

You definitely have to get out of the house.  When I went to the OB for my 2 week checkup and told her about my mood swings and such, she said to get out of the house.  So I have doctor's orders to do so.    It really helps me.  I feel more like my life doesn't revolve around waiting for her to eat or waiting for her to sleep, etc.

[Grace's Mom]

Great words of advice g8rgirl.  I go out at least once a day...run an errand, go to the park, etc.  It has helped immensely.

Melissa

[edjo]

What a great topic, I too have been stressing about routine, is she getting enough activity time etc etc, my lo is 4.5 months old, she's been on BW since birth really but not rigidly.  She's always been a good sleeper and she only ever wants to be awake for just over an hour at a time (incl her bottle) and she still sleeps well during the day and all through the night.  I am constantly reading the BW book and stressing that she isnt awake for long enough and should really be on a 4 hour routine.  I tried to keep her awake for 15 mins longer last week and just ended up with a super tired baby who couldnt go to sleep at bedtime.
My DH thinks I know Eva better than any book and should feel confident that I know what I am doing!  I think he is probably right but doesnt stop me obsessing!
I am living in Tonga right now as my husband works for the new zealand foreign service so I am stuck in the house 24/7, there's nowhere to go over here and all the stray dogs make walking hell!  But I do try and get out, just to sit in the fresh air.
When Eva is hungry she lets me know, when she's happy you can't not know  and when she's tired she yawns and rubs her little eyes (which is so cute) - so now I am starting to follow her cues and feel confident as a mother.  If we do go out to friends places and Eva is up for longer, she can cope with that, she's an angel baby and I am very lucky.  I think obsessing and the constant worry is part of being a Mum - all these self help books etc can make you doubt that sometimes.  Thanks for your post, I feel better some how knowing that you feel the same and are going through the same kind of things.

[mommy2two]

I could have written you post exactly and I am doing this BW for the second time. WIth dd#1 she was textbook so it went really smoothly and I thought BW was the best thing ever. Well with dd#2, she is a short napper, possibly a paci addict and wakes up all night long. The rest of the time she is a dream. She rarely fusses and is so adorable. I sometimes forget to just enjoy her. She will be my last baby and the time is going by so fast and all I do is worry she is not sleeping enough. I think all of us type A, schedule oriented moms who like control and order really like the premise of the BW but when it does not go perfectly we stress since we like control and order

[Aly Mac]

Looks like I'm not alone out there!!  I think we all have to realise that EASY is a great guide and BW has so many helpful practices, but I think we still have to listen to what our lo's are telling us.  If it doesn't fit into the schedule, it's not the end of the world.  Baby's happier and so is MUM!!

[RACHPEM]

Thank god i am not alone, after being a very organised person, being a mom has really knocked me for six! i spend all day stressing also, and as my lo will not nap for very long get really worked up when she does not sleep longer than 45 mins, i spend all day then worrying she wont sleep at night because she will be overtired or not had enough milk.  I wish i could relax more and enjoy her! i also have hardly left the house wondering how it will affect her its really getting me down, I also feel like i cant read her cues at all as i can never tell if she is hungry or tired.  Some days i feel such a failure!

[rebecaq]

Oh my!!!! I had no idea!! And all I can say, is that I used to be the same way!!

What worked for me to change my mind?

One day I was b!tchy and moody and just out of sorts myself. When dh asked me what was wrong I just snapped back "I'm entitled to have a bad mood, aren't I??!?!?!" He recommended a nap while ds nappped and I said I wasn't sleepy just in a foul mood. And he looked at me straight in the face and said " So maybe you can lighten up on Santiago, he can have bad mood days too, you know"

I felt like such a goober.

So anytime I feel I'm having a power struggle with Santiago, ie. didn't nap as long, won't eat all his food etc I think that some days I'm not as hungry as others, some days I sleep in others I wake early and it doesn't mean that my whole day is going to be thrown off. KWIM?

What about the recommended times of sleep?? Recommended A time?? EEEEKKKKK

That's just it, they are recommendations. It's recommended that adults sleep 8 hours a night....if I , Rebeca Quintero, sleep that much I get headaches and feel groggy during the day. I sleep betwen 4-6 hours.  So if your kiddos nap less on day and seem happy, then just go with it.  EASY is about learning to read your child's cues, not live by the clock.  A true success in EASY is being able to go through the day without looking at the clock at all. Just getting the feeling of when things should happen and reconfirm them by seeing what your child is telling you.

So that's my challenge to you clock obssessed mommies!! Try to go through an entire day without looking at the clock! Hide them, turn them around, and watch your child as intently as you would that clock and I believe many of you will be amazed that the little alarm clocks that are our kids are pretty loud and clear!

HUGS TO ALL!

- Beca 

[Aly Mac]

Rachpem - please don't feel like a failure.  No mum is ever a failure.  We all do our best for our babies.  Don't forget they didn't come with an instruction manual (not even BW is that!)

Beca - thanks for the advice.  I shall try not to look at the clock today!!!!  (I can also relate to your story - I only told my DH the other day ' can't I have a bad day!'.  Sometimes we all forget that these babies are little people.....