To wean or not to wean ... that is the question.

[tuta]

Hi ladies, I need to take a few opinions on whether to wean my 19 week old or not.
 
Firstly let me give you some background:

I weaned my two daughters at 16 weeks and they were fine.
However, things have changed since then and my health visitor (whom I don't like) says that I should not wean until 6mo or I risk asthma, allergies or diabetes.  She is a strong advocate of only BF and when I told her that I had given DS a couple of bottles of formula she basically turned on me and said that she 'questioned my reasons behind giving him a bottle as I would always produce enough milk to satisfy'.  At the time I was getting recurrent non-infectious mastitis and DS was feeding extremely frequently both day and night (he still wakes 5+ times a night) and I just needed some space and to not be in pain for a couple of hours.  However,  I let her pressure me and shame me into dropping the odd bottle and had a horrible time which has thankfully settled down now. 
As I have said DS feeds a lot he is always at the breast, he wakes up 5+ times a night and feeds falling asleep again on the breast (I know I know not good).  All of my family as well as the ILs have been badgering me to give him solids they are of the opinion that the 'problem' of night waking can be solved overnight by giving him solids.  For a few weeks now he has been watching us eat, grabbing for food and spoons and basically screaming to be included. When I eat a piece of fruit he grabs it from my hand and jams it in his mouth and has a good old chomp. 
At 17 weeks I gave him baby rice - he LOVED it and cried for more.  He swallowed easily and didn't spit out at all.  Great, super I was sooooo happy.  THEN I went to get DS weighed.   The HV was there she weighed him, he has dropped from the 25th centile to the very middle of between the 25th and 5th   So I said, 'never mind I am starting solids so he should get up there again in no time' and she turned on me again 'I question your reasons behind giving him solids' quoting the new government guidelines and waving a pamphlet and saying allergies, asthma, diabetes. I told her I had done this successfully before, again the same respose, I told her he was really, really hungry, same response, I told him he was grabbing for food and screaming, same response, I told her he was waking numerous times during the night, same response.  She basically was saying that I was  not commited enough to being a good parent to endure another 5 weeks of his and my distress and discomfort.
Now I feel really confused, what shall I do?  All the signs he is giving me tells me he wants to eat.  My family and ILs are telling me to feed him solids and formula but the HV is telling me I could be leaving him with serious health issues if I do.
HELP     

[First Time Mom]

First, I don't like the guilt trip your doctor is trying to give you by letting you leave with the impression that you are not a good parent. Get that thought out of your mind!

When I was a baby I was formula fed (I'm a twin and my mom was told it wasn't possible to bf twins!) and I was started on solids at 3 months (it was the norm back then), I have no health issues but they didn't know enough back then about the benefits of bfing and the delaying of solids. Not all babies that follow this advice end up having health issues but there are benefits to waiting until 6 months for solids as the gut is not ready yet and bfing as long as possible (recommended is 2 years, they still don't know ALL the benefits of bfing, I'm sure we'll hear more great things in the next 5-10 years).

PP is correct in saying that starting solids won't help your lo sleep through the night. Cereal has far less calories (and nutrients) than breast milk, when they first start on solids it's to get used to taste, texture, swallowing, not to replace a meal, it's a while before solids totally replace breast milk or formula. I have read in many places that starting solids early may actually increase nws as they fill up on the cereal but get hungry faster as they need the calories from the breast milk or formula that they missed out on.

BTW, as for bfing, I just heard on the news this week (and forgive me but my percentages may not be completely accurate) that longer bfing reducing many childhood cancers and illnesses, 27% lower rates of brain tumours, 32% lower rates of lukemia, they are still studying benefits but this is the latest. I also read in a UK study that bf'd babies were 41% more likely to advance up the social ladder. So, for what it's worth, I would delay solids until the recommended 6 months and bf as long as possible. My dd is now 15 months, still bf and eats everything for solids, I was in your shoes back when she was that age, I know the pressure from people, but stick with it, you're doing the right thing and before you know it your lo will be a year old and eating off your plate.

[tuta]

Hi ladies, thanks for the advice. Stacey - yep I had already guessed that the night feeding was more about props than food.  I keep thinking to myself 'this is not right I should do something here' but I am seriously dreading the actual 'doing' as I am just so tired with 3 kids under 5, it is 'easier' ?? to just give him the breast - totally messed up logic I know.  I think what I will do is give him 'tastes' after a good bf, that way it is just a taste and not a replacement - as well as training him off me OMG I am in for a bumpy ride.   

[Elizabeth410]

It's too bad your doctor is making you feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with a bottle once in a while! Is your baby on any kind of routine? He seems very hungry, and considering he is below the 25 percentile, he certainly needs to eat a lot. I don't know if this would be do-able with 2 other children needing your attention, but maybe if he was slowly put on a 4 hour easy routine, it might help. Also, does he fall asleep at the breast during the day? If so, maybe he needs to be coached into sleeping better at night. The Pick Up Put Down method really worked for us. It took a while (3 weeks), but it worked miracles. My son used to fall asleep on the breast all the time, which meant he wasn't getting enough to eat during the day, which made him wake up at night... When 4 month old or older babies are fed at night, it fills up their tummies and makes them less hungry during the day. Vicious cycle. I would try putting him on a 4 hour easy routine, tanking him up during the day for the first day or two to make sure he has enough to sustain him through the night, and then use the PUPD method for the night wakings. Good luck!

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

You've had great advice already and I wanted to add some hugs! It's hard when you're getting different pressure from all sources.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with combining breast and bottle and it DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOTHER!! I can't believe that HV! 

I agree that solids probably aren't the answer right now, and that the increase hunger could be from other factors, even a growth spurt - there could be other things to help, as well as with t the NW...  Please let us know if there's anything else we can help with - we're here for you and we'll support YOUR decision about what you want to do with your child! 

[Ashton & Raine's Mom]

I can't believe that HV giving you such a guilt trip - as if we don't put enough guilt on ourselves as it is!!!  I gave up breastfeeding at 4 months and I really beat myself up over it - but me and baby are so much happier now.  I had some problems with the BF - Ashton is spirited and just wanted to snack a lot which made leaving the house hard for me - so I just made the choice to switch.  I know that BF is best but if you want to switch then no one should make you feel bad about it! 

I also know that switching from the breast to a bottle won't solve the falling asleep problem...Ashton also used to nurse to sleep until I got him on a schedule.  Your baby is young enough now that you should be able to get him to fall asleep on his own if you can tell when he's tired and put him down...I can tell Ashton's tired when he rubs his eyes.  Keep trying!!  Believe me I know that using BF as a prop is tempting - I did it a lot!! - but once you stop doing it getting them to fall asleep on their own gets a lot easier. 

About the BF thing - stop if you want or keep doing it if you want - don't let anyone make you feel bad for the choice you make.  If you keep BF thats great...if you switch to a bottle your baby will still be healthy and you'll still be a good mom!

[tuta]

Wow, thanks ladies, I must admit that I REALLY don't like that HV because there never seems to be a dialogue just a series of lectures and lets face it she is there to support and help - as long as there is nothing wrong with baby of course.  Still, the idea that I would knowingly do something to DS that may/may not hurt him later down the line has gotten me shook up.  I am not giving solids yet, I am holding out on the bottle (for a while).  BUT the prop business has to be sorted, he is wearing me out with all this snacking - he is a real grazer.  The problem is that my DDs are extremely loud and love to be around him, he/I find it really difficult to get any sort of sleep routine when he has so many distractions - look a little - suck a little.  It is sooooo much easier to knock him out with a boob full rather than trying to lull him to sleep in his cot.  DD#1 is at school but DD#2 only goes to nursery 2 days a week so I have very little time when it is just DS and me to work on the routine, add DH who is self employed and works from home and you have a pretty chaotic household where routine is something I can only dream of.  I really don't know how I am going to get around this one.