This is what Zoey wrote to me about shush/pat, am sure she wont' mind me forwarding it to you
"As for pat/shh: Find what works for her - patting, rubbing - her head, back, head - anything that can be done in the crib and can be lessened as time goes by - you can use.
After wind down, place her in the crib (if she is fussing prior to the crib you can start pat/shh on your shoulder) saying your phrase - I love you its time for sleep - whatever. Put her in the crib calm but awake - always. Don't make her drowsy beforehand - you want her to get sleepy IN the crib, not in your arms or she will always need that. No motion before sleep.
If she isn't crying after she is set down, step back ans see what she does. If she begins to cry go to her, turn her on her side and begin to pat or rub, or whatever she finds soothing, ans shh or whatever she likes. Do this until you see her start melting into the mattress - don't stop, don't take a break during this patting - keep at it until she melts. When you see this melting, slow your patting down, and stop shhing. Slow, slower, slower over the next mins or so - watching her. If she starts up pat faster and wait til she is melting again, then start slowing again. When it seems as if she is going to fall asleep - stop patting, and leave your hand there for a moment or two - make sure she isn't getting riled up. Then let go and step back and see what she does. At this age you can even pat til she is asleep, and for 10 mins after she is asleep, if you wanted - but keep in the back of your head to help less and less as she gets older to prevent your patting from becoming a prop.
You repeat this is she wakes early from a nap, before naps if she needs it and night wakings unrelated to pain or hunger. Always give her a chance to try and settle on her own - which means not rushing in at every sound "
