Toddler wont sleep - routine changed

[hana1978]

My DS is now 2, i used shh/patt for the first year and it worked well, then i somehow got into the feed to sleep situation, although i didnt purposely feed him to sleep each night but he was so tierd he would fall asleep whilst having a bottle.  I realise at 2 he is far too young to be bottle fed like a baby each night before bed and not sure if this is started to cause problems (past year hes slept pretty well) lately he wakes up in the night sometimes for up to an hour and screams - shhing him and resting my hand on him makes him worse - but i dont know what else to do to settle him - you see last night for the first time i refused to bottle feed him, i let him do it himself then put him awake into his cot - he screamed for 10 sec but was so pooped fell asleep on his own and for the first time in a week slept through - but just now ive tried to put him down for a nap and he point blank refused to sleep - so i gave up and got him out - hes never not had a nap - todays going to be a long day.

My question is i need some sort of technique to settle him, if im in there with him shhing him and rest my hand on him it really makes him angry - he just pushes me away - but if i leave him to it even though im in the room - isnt that a form of cc??  Its so dark he doesnt know im there and if he wont let me put a hand on him how else do i let him know hes not alone?  He doesnt really sit or stand just cries and cries whilst lying so put down isnt really an option!

Can anyone help me - what do i do??

[Colesmom]

Hi Hana-I remember you from the infant sleep boards

How long will he cry while lying down?  Is it a mantra cry (just settling) or does he seem in distress?  I would think that even if it's dark, he'll know you're there.  If you want to be sure, come up with a reassuring phrase to repeat that will calm/soothe him. "You have your blankie, your teddy and it's sleep time now"  As long as you're in the room it is not any form of CC or CIO.

How is your lo with teething?  could there be molars working their way through?

Lastly, post your typical routine...as that will help people see if there could be something else out of whack.

Good Luck. I'm still struggling with Cole's sleep, so likely not the best to advise

[mari]

hana, what times are you trying to put him down for a nap and what are his wake times and bedtimes.
Alex still has a bedtime bottle, she doesn't fall asleep on it, but I don't think that there is anything wrong with it if it helps to settle them, she drinks it whilst she has her story, then we do teeth and into bed.

[hana1978]

Hi girls thanks for your responce and colesmom i do remember you - how you been?
Typically he wakes between 5am-6am each morning, his first nap is between 12.30pm-1.30pm and he will sleep for up to an hour and a half - he goes to sleep at 7.30pm.
Just tonight ive had a nightmare with him, let him feed himself his milk then went to put him in his cot and he started crying, it was a very distressed cry he kept standing up and growling as he was so angry inbetween crys - he sweats and goes into a rage - he wont let me comfort him - if after a few mins of crying i lift him out for a cuddle he pushes me away, if i rest my hand on him in the cot he gets very angry - he lets his dad do all these things.  We brought him into the livng room after half an hour of proper hard crying in which he was actually sick - and brought him into the living room - he wanted to sit and cuddle with dad and not me - it breaks my heart - dads just successfully put him to sleep without a peep whilst i sat in the living room feeling usless and rejected!
Whens hes like this i simply do not know what to do with him - would pd work?  I need to do something cause i just end up standing in this bedroom in the dark whilst he flips out with this enormous '?' above my head!!

[mari]

Could dad just put him to bed every night? 
I do think that he could be overtired though and his nap is a little late as he wakes so eary.  I would go for a naptime of around 11.30-12pm and then bed no later than 5 hours after he wakes from his nap.
If you think that the crying at bedtime is a phase, then I would let dad put him down every night and when he settles into this routine, perhaps you could make a start trying bedtime with him.  I do think that it's down to overtired, they do fight bedtime when they are overtired sometimes.
I hope this helps, I know how upsetting it must be for you, but he loves you so much that he doesn't want to leave you.