Bedtime has become a nightmare with our 2.4 yr old...

[mommy2two]

My dd is 2 yrs 4 months. She was a textbook baby and followed BW to the tee! Fast forward to right now and ever since we moved to a big girl bed she has been having night wakings. She comes into our room and we take her back and put her to bed. She used to tantrum but now just goes back w/o a problem.

Our BIG problem has developed at bedtime. She pops out of her room many times and then had hysterical tantrums when we do the "tough love" and just put her back into bed w/o any extra attention.

Here is what her day looks like as well as our evening routine:

wakes between 6:15-7am
nap: Goes down around 12:30 or 1ish. Nap lasts about 1 1/4 - 2 hrs depending on how tired she is from the night before. We typically always wake her by 2:30pm or 3pm at the latest to protect bedtime.

Bedtime is at 7pm. Our evening routine looks like this:
5:30pm dinner
6:15pm bath
after bath she plays with dh (sometimes too much horse play in my opinion when our goal is to settle her down!)
6:40pm dh reads to her for about 20-30 minutes.
7pm- he puts her to bed and the chaos starts. Almost immediately after tucking her in she is popping out with a million excuses. When we take her back to bed she crys and tantrums. When I take her back to bed w/o any attention she becomes psychotic (not sure how else to describe it) and really puts up a fight. I do this until she is worn down and goes to bed. When my dh does it it goes much quicker and she settles down faster but still not until we have spent 30-45 minutes dealing with the hysterics.

The only changes are her new bed but has been in it since October and her new sister 4 months ago. Problem is not better or worse since sister was born, pretty much the same as before she was born.

Can anyone offer some advice. My thoughts are that she needs to wind down more before bed, but not sure how to do this. She is a really active child and is silly and running around right up to story time. Another thougt I had is maybe her bedtime is wrong. Maybe she is either overtired or under tired. WHen we know she is really tired we move bedtime earlier but never move it later. Should we be moving it later at this age? I am a SAHM and my dh works at home so she gets our attention all day long so she is not lacking in attention during the day from us. We are at our wits end and see no improvement doing what I call tough love- put her back to bed every time she gets out w/o too much attention.

If you got this far THANK YOU! I look forward to some help from anyone and everyone

[frustratedmommy]

oh my gosh I could be reading my own life! (except it's my sweet DS)...I'll be checking back to see what others are saying....how to handle the "jack-in-the-box" in and out of bed....

Took my DS and hour and a half to fall asleep tonight...oh yucky yucky...

Thanks for letting me lurk 
~marie

[Lilah'sMommy]

I could have written your post.  Except that things did worsen when her sister was born, and have improved some since.

I have come to the conclusion that this must be a developmental thing.  Lilah was also always super easy at bedtime until about 2 months after she moved to her big girl bed.  Then she started with the million excuses routine and playing and talking into the late hours (we're taling she wasn't asleep before 11 pm most nights).  I shortened her nap, which helped, but didn't solve the problem.  Right after her sister was born the tantrums started.  They are much better now, but still happen.

Lilah also is a complete monkey right up to bedtime.

Honestly, I really don't have too much help to offer.  I have started making sure her bedtime routine is very quiet and calm, with dim lights, singing in the dark right before tuck-in, etc.  I don't think anything has helped to much.  The only thing that really does make a difference is that when DH has to work late and I do the bedtime routine myself, the fighting is greatly reduced and she goes to sleep much quicker.  I don't know why, and it certainly isn't worth it to have to do both girls' routines myself, but there is a definite difference.  Also anticipating some of the excuses, like putting a sippy of water in the room, and making potty visits ahead of time help a teeny bit.  But mostly she just wants me or DH to come in.  And then she thinks it's time to play once we're there.

A couple things I plan to try:

--"get out of bed" passes.  I'll allot her two.  After she's used them up, their gone.  Even if she needs to pee yet again.
-- trading in the passes she doesn't use for small treats the next day

I'm betting, though, that we probably just have to ride this out.

[mommy2two]

I read about some people that use sticker reward charts but honestly I don't see that working for my dd. Even the free pass is an excellent idea, but once she is all worked up she forgets about her bribes. We offered her her favorite book (a new Clifford book) to stay in bed and she still came out. I feel hopeless about this improving. I thought it was just a phase, but it has gone on way too long. Of course to top it off, my mom put her to bed yesterday while we were out and of course she went right to bed w/o a peep!!! The little stinker!

[frustratedmommy]

DS won't do the sticker/bribe thing either...exactly he gets worked up and it's all out the window...just waiting to see anymore ideas....Hugs

[mari]

Perhaps you could try to do more of the wind down in her room.  Have a story when she is in bed and you are cuddled up together.  I worked better that way for my DS.  Then gently dim the lights and have a cuddle and make sure that she is happy and then you can say goodnight and leave.

Also, the reward system, try not to make a big deal of it at bedtime, but make a HUGE deal of it in the morning if she goes to bed ok the night before.  You say that she went ok for your mum, so on occassions like that you could say 'I am going to put a sticker on this little chart I made you and if we can get 1,2,3,4,5 of them, I am going to get you.............. whatever you think she should get.  Try not to mention it at night, because the only thing that matters at that time is staying up with mum and dad.  It will work if they can see it working. IYKWIM.

Also, try not to let the nap go past 2.30pm, so she will be ready for bed.

Hope that helps, keep us posted

[lilmonkey]

Lilah also is a complete monkey right up to bedtime.
[/quote]

That's how I describe dd!   

Anyway, we are experiencing very similiar things at our house.  I'm beginning to think that it is developmental as the other night it took me 1.5 hours of walking dd back into bed to get her to go the sleep.  Although she did have a pee and poo during that time.  Makes me wonder how much I should believe this excuse to stay up later - anyway that is for another post. 

What I found has worked so far is give her extra cuddles in the dark after reading stories and milk.  Saying goodnight to sun, moon, stars, grandma and grandpa.  Then to tell her that I'm going to sleep in my bed and dd sleeps in her bed with all her stuff animals.  Apparently if dh does the bedtime routine, he is able to leave after about a few minutes after lights out but with me I have to stay longer.    

BTW, we recently cut back on her nap to 1.5 hrs and this seems to help somewhat with the lights out at 8 pm.