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Offline traineeparent

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Separation Anxiety question
« on: March 18, 2007, 07:32:04 am »
I've got a question about Separation Anxiety and the post in the FAQs.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62612.0

I think SA is starting to happen to my nearly 9 month old DD, not affecting sleep yet but I want to be prepared!  :)

It says
"when he cries, soothe him as works for you (pat/shh, pu/pd, whatever) until he is calm"
and
"when he cries – and he will – return to his side IMMEDIATELY and soothe again"

Do they mean a "real" cry, or any cry - mantra cry, fussing etc?   My DD settles herself very well these days, I generally don't have to do anything. But if she builds up to a real cry  (rare these days) it usually takes ages of mantra-crying on and off.  So would I go back in immediately she mantra cries, or wait till a full real cry?

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Offline Noah07

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Re: Separation Anxiety question
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2007, 10:18:15 am »
Hi there,
I think its best to go straight in there and calm the child down otherwise a mantra cry could turn full blown.
Hope this helps
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Offline taygensmom

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Re: Separation Anxiety question
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2007, 14:13:41 pm »
I have a 9 month old and I actually did not go in with mantra cries. I think it really depends on your LO. Mine often would do his mantra cry for a while and then calm on his own. If I had gone in I would have been underestimating his abilites/skills, as he was often able to calm on his own. During the daytime if my LO was showing some SA (i.e. if I was in the other room), I would again wait for a few moments. He would sometimes whine for a short period and then get distracted by something he was playing with. If the whining turned into real crying I would go in, get down to his level, and hug/play with him briefly. I didn't pick him up unless he needed that to calm. Then when he was calm and engaged I would go back in the other room and finish what I was doing. I believe in Tracey's book she talks about just giving them as much support as they need, and I think that really helps them to develop their self-soothing skills!
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Offline Jaime

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Re: Separation Anxiety question
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2007, 21:42:12 pm »
they  ;) mean a real cry, and not a mantra, as a mantra can indicate the beginnings of self-soothing.
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Offline mari

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Re: Separation Anxiety question
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2007, 22:00:43 pm »
Sometimes, babies cry when they are settling themselves.  It's not a full blown cry and if we go in to them we could be disturbing them.  It's best to wait outside the door (or in the room if you are doing GW and waiting to leave) and do nothing, listen and go only if you feel that the cry is saying 'where are you mum, I need you'?
To avoid possible Seperation Anxiety then you should always be there if you feel the cry is saying 'I need you'
HTH

Mari
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