Big sleeping issues, please help me

[delf]

Hello,

My name is Delf and I have a little 10 months old girl called Maia.
Maia is still breastfed and wouldn't go to sleep without the breast. She goes to sleep if we go for a walk but does not know how to fall asleep on her own.
She sleeps with me in my bed, she would't sleep in her cot. If I nurse her to put her to sleep and transfer her in her cot she wakes up or she would wake up every half an hour during the night. My DH is sleeping in the spare room and it's something that is starting to affect our relationship.
I have read the BW but I am not sure how to implement the EASY method for a 10 months old baby.
Our day routine is this one.
awake 8/8.30
nursed
Activity
10:00 nursed (won't eat breakfast)
10:30 walk(if raining i nurse her and she would only sleep 30 minutes)
nap: between 2 and 3 hours
13:00 lunch solids
Activity
15:30 walk(if raining i nurse her and she would only sleep 30 minutes)
nap: 1 hour
Snack
activity
18:00 diner
19:00 activity
20:00 bath pjs
20:30 nursed to sleep
We have tried to put her to sleep earlier but she wouldn't go, sometimes she is up until 22:30, I know it's not great but she doesn't fall asleep and keep crawling in the bed.

I woulb be so grateful if you could help me, I have tried everything, the No Cry Sleep Solution, lavender bath, homopathy....
Thank you so much. Delf

[andibig]

Hugs to you .
I think the problem is two fold here.She is very overtired and associates the breast with going to sleep.
I'm going to post some links for you and also the routine I had for sasha at that age.
I'd concentrate on your naps firstly to help a routine to fall into place.
Andrea

[andibig]

Heres some info about PU/PD (pick up/put down.
Basically how to do it,how long you need to do it https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=69177.msg531617#msg531617

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=69178.msg531621#msg531621
Heres sashas routine at that age                                                                   6-6.30 wake-milk 5oz
8am-breakfast
9.30 until 10.30-nap
12.00-lunch (maybe snack b4 then) with juice
1.00-btl-3-4oz
2-3.30-nap
5.00 dinner (again maybe snack b4) with juice
6.30-bath
7.00 btl usually about 6oz
7.15-sleep

[delf]

Thank you again. Going to have a look at those links now.

[delf]

Hi again,

My big problem is I don'y know where to start.
*Should I stop BF Maia during the day?
* Should I stop the feed at night time first?
* Should I use the PU/PD first? Should my husband do it?
I don't want Maia to feel abandoned and not loved. I am so scared to traumatise her that I have never really let her cry.
I feel I have made the wrong choices and I feel guilty all the time because I haven't been able to teach my baby how to sleep.
Thanks for your support

[andibig]

Generally you tend to start with the day first which can sometimes have a positive affect on their nights

I think the most important thing is to get a solid routine in place.Maybe start with the first nap of the day (or both naps if you are feeling brave).So try PU/PD for the first nap instead of nursing to sleep.Days are easier to deal with as we just don't have the energy to deal with the nights.

Crying is to be expected unfortunately with sleep training.Remeber you will be with your LO to help her learn to sleep independently.As long as we don't leave our LOs to cry it out we are not abandoning them.

You can certainly get your husband to do PU/PD.Depends on which one of you feels more able to be consistent with the sleep training.Just make sure you are both doing the same thing to try and settle her.
HTH
Andrea

[andibig]

Hi Delf
Just found another link for you that I think will help you in reagards to feeding at night.
Sorry its a ton of info for you!!https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.msg153288#msg153288

[delf]

Good morning!
Thank you so much for all the links you sent me. It gave me the strength and the confidence to help Maia sleep on her own.
I gave her solids last night at 18:00, gave her a bath at 19:00 and started to nurse her at 19:30 in my bed as always. After 15 minutes, she just wanted to play even if she was tired. So I explained to her that I was going to put her in her cot and that she was going to fall asleep when she will be ready. During 45 minutes, I did the PD while talking to her and praising her, she didn't really cry, she just kept saying mamamama...and she fell asleep.
1 hour after she woke up crying, I did the PU/PD again and in 5 minutes she was asleep.
2 hours later she woke up, I nursed her sitting on the bed and put her back down in her cot, she settled after 1 hour.
3 hours later up again, I didn't nursed her and she went back to sleep in 30 minutes
2 hours later I nursed her sitting on the bed and put her back down in her cot, she settled in 10 minutes
At 6:30 she was up and happy.
I know we have been up a lot during the night but Maia used to nurse in my bed every 2 hours. But it was so sweet to see her sleeping in her cot peacefully and she didn't cry as much as I feared.
So we'll see tonight.
For the naps she hasn't been falling asleep nursing for the last 2 months so today I didn't change her routine, I took her for a walk and she fell asleep in 5 minutes.
Thanks again for everything.

[andibig]

Delf
WOW .congrats to you.I think you'll have your LO sleeping independently in no time.To already wean some night nursing and having success is incredible.
Keep me updated
Andrea

[delf]

Hi,
Sorry I didn't reply earlier but I was so tired that my brain couldn't function properly.
We have seen huge improvement since we started the PD/PU method. I was very sceptical at the beginning but it works.
Maia has been sleeping in her cot for 6 nights now, falling asleep on her own in 20-30 minutes without crying.
Unfortunately she tends to wake up every 2 hours during the night and needs 5 minutes feed to resettle which is in a way an improvement as she needed 30 minutes before to go back to sleep.
I have tried to settle her without feeding her but she would cry for hours so I am trying another method. I am shortening down the feeds night after night and it seems working.
You mentioned last week that she is very overtired. I don't know how to solve that because she is having an hour nap in the morning and 2 hours and a half in the afternoon (or vice versa) and she goes to bed 4 hours after her last nap. How could she be overtired...I am confused. Could you explain to me please.
Would you have any ideas to help her sleep longer at night time too?
Thank you so much.

[andibig]

Sorry
was looking at your first post and thought she was taking short naps.but she seems to take pretty good naps so shouldn't be overtired!!!Was just a little concerned regarding the fact she was falling asleep so late for bedtime.What time is she normally in her cot for the night?
I think the idea of shortening the feeds at night is great.
Let me know how you get on

[delf]

Thanks Andrea for keeping answering to me. I really need it at the moment. Living in foreign country, no family around...blah blah blah...
Last night was a nightmare and I am so angry because I knew it. Maia slept only 2 hours during the day yesterday, I had to wake her up because we had to go to the doctor's. During the evening her routine was not respected at all because we had to go out for a short while. On the way back home at 8 she just wanted to sleep, she was so tired, we kept her awake and when we arrived home at 8.20 she was so tired the only thing she wanted was the breast. We skipped the bath and the winddown time. She cried so much, I had to put her back on the breast many times, she woke up every 30 minutes during the night crying and she ended up in my bed at 4. I feel miserable.
I usually put her in the cot at 8.30, she would be asleep by 9. I think it's too late I'll try to put her  down an hour earlier today.
Thanks again for your support.
delf

[andibig]

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
we sometimes have days like that with sasha when we have had to go out and shes taken no naps .
i always do a few days of slightly longer naps and early bedtimes to help her catch up.
Hope tomorrow is better for you

[delf]

Hello,
Big improvement the last two nights. I started to put Maia in her cot at 7.15 and she fell asleep after 20 minutes. (without crying). My DH went to confort her each time she woke up and she was fine with that. The last 2 nights I didn't nurse her from 7 to 6.30 and she didn't mind. It's wonderful.
Only problem: she still wakes up every 2 hours, pulls herself up and can't lie down on her own.
WHY IS SHE WAKING EVERY 2 HOURS? What could we do to help her sleep longer stretches? Any advice?
Thanks a lot.
Delf

[andibig]

regarding the standing up in the cot.lots of practise during the day.teach her how to fall down onto her bottom etc.i'd imagine at the moment the NWs are developmental.
be consistent with the way you deal with the NWs.just lay her beack down until she learns to do it herself and then walk out (as long as she doesn't get upset)
HTH