Please HELP!!!

[Baby Marena]

Hello, I am writing because I feel desperate. Many things have happened and my DD doesnīt want to nap or fall asleep by herself anymore.  She is 13 months now, and has been able to fall asleep on her own since 3 months old. But now I guess many things happened all at once and now everything is a mess.  First we went on holiday for 2 weeks, when we came back though it wasnīt hard to get back on track; then I think she was ready to change from two naps to one, as she began to be very difficult when it was time for her afternoon nap. But I misinterpret everything and let her cry a little bit to much, and ever since everything itīs been crazy. Two weeks later we had a wedding and were out of town for the weekend, and now that we are back things are worse than ever, she just learned to walk too.
So at this point she hates her crib, she screams the minute I say itīs nap time or bed time and when I put her down she goes hysterical.  She fights herself from going to sleep, just so she can make sure I am still by her side (separation anxiety). It takes me 1 hour to help her fall asleep, just hanging out by her side reassuring her; before I would lay her awake, she would talk to herself and finally fall sleep on her own.
So to my sense what might have happened is that the day I let her cry I broke the bond of trust unwillingly, and now I know I need to fix it and then little by little make the switch to one nap only.  The problem is my DD coming back from her sleep over and over again.  You see at this point I feel I have no patience left.  Specially during the day at nap time because her room is not dark enough so she can see me, and she stands up and touches me or pulls my hair and I just try to ignore, but then I canīt help it and get angry and she cries.
I would appreciate some tips on how to handle such situations, because I am willing to be more patient but I need to know how to do this right, so the cycle doesnīt begin again. And I would love to know when she is really needing me or just being manipulative.
She doesnīt wake during the night, but she has been having shorter naps, and waking earlier than usual, plus the minute she realizes she is in her crib she screams so hard. Before she could spend at least 45 min in her crib playing.
So I thank anybody who can help me with this.

[Layla]

Hi there!!! Sorry to hear you're having some trouble at the moment with your los sleep.

She has been through quiet a bit lately so its natural for her to be off-track a little.
Firstly, because you may have let her cry a little in her cot she has a negative association with her cot and sleep in general. I would therefore recommend GW as a method of training. '
Here's the link...https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0
This is another link on how to chose which method is best for your lo: - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

I would also try and spend some time in the cot doing nice things - reading books, singing songs, playing.... just to get her more comfortable being in there. You can do this during her A time... doesn't necesarily have to be nap time or bedtime to be in her room or her cot.

In regards to switching to 1 nap - at 13 months most are swtiching between 2 and 1 naps so i wouldn't necessarily offer her just 1 nap. Most are doing short morning nap )like 45 or even 30mins) and a longer afternoon nap. The average A time in the morning is 3hrs, then 3.5hrs and the longest A time is in the evening. So if she starts her day at 7am, I would aim for something like this:

7am - wake for the day
10am - nap 1 (45mins)
2ish - nap 2 (1.5-2hrs)
7ish - bedtime

Its not uncommon for them to sometimes refuse to sleep in the morning so that would be when you give her just 1 nap (try to keep her awake and napping closer to midday - 11.30ish onwards) and then make sure she goes to bed for the night earlier... so say 6.30sih/depending on how long the nap was. We were swtiching from 2-1-2-1 naps for about 3 months until she refused to sleep in the morning and then it was all about 1 nap. Throughout the 3 months, she had an earlier bedtime to avoid an overtired state. Wether or not she would have 2 naps would depend on the time she woke up in the morning, how she slept at night and she would act in the morning. If she was tired and needed a nap, I would always give it to her but would wake her up to protect the afternoon nap.

I don't think she is manipulating you - she is genuinly overtired (from the poor sleep in the last few weeks) and if she is going through SA, she would most certainly be wanting you around. Have a read through the links I posted and let me know what you think.... I would also go for a super long wind down as this has helped me when my dd went through SA. Lots of cuddles and kisses. Make it all about her and make feel really special - this will also help with any trust you think may have been broken during the crying period.

What does her day look like now?
Layla

[Baby Marena]

Thank you Layla for getting back to me. So let me tell you things have improved quite a bit since the last posting.  Marena is not as scared of her crib as before since we did A time playing in her crib. She is also falling asleep on her own (and each day is taking her less time), as long as she sees me by her side.  I am very proud of her .  Still I feel confused about something, I am doing a very long wind down before each nap and bedtime, I can see she is very tired and sometimes almost asleep, so when I go from hammock to crib she wakes up again (fighing herself back from sleep) and plays there for 30 min. Why is that and how can I help her just fall into deep sleep without making it a prop? Its very weird because it only happens when I am the one who puts her down, when her nanny comes she can put her down without trouble.
Regarding her naps she is still doing 2 naps, the first one 3 hours after she wakes up and she usually sleeps for like 1 hour. The second one is like 4.5 hours after she wakes up from her first nap (because is taking me like 1 hour putting he down just like I explained above). And she sleeps for like 40 min.  Her am nap is pretty easy she is always ready for it, the hardest is definitely pm nap.
I am also wondering about her wake up time, she used to sleep until seven and lately she wakes up between 5:45 and 6.15.  How can I go back to 7? What I think might be happening is that she wakes up still tired so she needs a longer am nap.  If I can brake this cycle then I could wake her at 45 min and she can have a longer pm nap.
Two last questions can I still use w2s to extend her pm nap? and Does PU/PD still work for toddlers, could I use it to help her fall asleep so it dozenīt take her that long, even if she is not crying and is laying down.  She only cries if I leave her side, but I also think I am a distraction.
Thank you Layla for your time and your advice.

[Layla]

I am doing a very long wind down before each nap and bedtime, I can see she is very tired and sometimes almost asleep, so when I go from hammock to crib she wakes up again (fighing herself back from sleep) and plays there for 30 min. Why is that and how can I help her just fall into deep sleep without making it a prop? Its very weird because it only happens when I am the one who puts her down, when her nanny comes she can put her down without trouble.

Honestly, I haven't had experience with the closest example I can set is this... I read a book to go to sleep everynight. No book, I can't fall asleep. This is my wind down. Once I am nice and drowsy, I switch the lamp off and turn over to sleep. My dh sometimes comes in at that very moment and either come to bed and will wake me right up or start looking for something in the room and will again wake me right up . It will then take me another 30mins to wind down cause my "buzz" is gone and I have to work at winding down again (which unfortunately at this stage means a few more pages or start counting sheeps  )

Not sure how relevant this example is but if possible do the wind down in her cot. The hammock maybe use at the start when you are reading her books but you don't want to get her drowsy and then have her in the fully awake mode when she's moved to her cot. Some babies need to still spend some time on their own winding down.

Does the nanny also use a hammock???

Regarding her naps she is still doing 2 naps, the first one 3 hours after she wakes up and she usually sleeps for like 1 hour. The second one is like 4.5 hours after she wakes up from her first nap (because is taking me like 1 hour putting he down just like I explained above). And she sleeps for like 40 min.  Her am nap is pretty easy she is always ready for it, the hardest is definitely pm nap.

If you are finding it hard to get a longer pm nap from her, wake her up 45mins into her morning nap. Alot find that if they let los sleep for 1hr, the pm nap will be only a short nap, which then means a long afternoon till bedtime, a tried baby, waking up at night and waking up earlier in the morning!!! Some are just that much more refreshed after 1hr in the morning that they don't even take an afternoon nap. Aim at windown to be finished so that she's in the cot at the 3.5hr mark. What do you actually do for the other hour??? Does she start crying when you leave or is she playing and then finally falls asleep???

I am also wondering about her wake up time, she used to sleep until seven and lately she wakes up between 5:45 and 6.15.  How can I go back to 7? What I think might be happening is that she wakes up still tired so she needs a longer am nap.  If I can brake this cycle then I could wake her at 45 min and she can have a longer pm nap.

This is something I used to always fight over with myself  . "She's had a bad night".... "She's waking up early in the morning, she then needs to have a longer morning nap to catch up on sleep"... I would definitely not let her sleep in the morning more than 45mins because as you said it... she is making up for the lost sleep by taking a morning nap. Instead try an earlier bedtime so that she is better rested in the morning. Waking up earlier is a sign of overtiredness. This is very very common during the 2-1 transition and to be honest we battled with the 5am wake ups for a very long time.

In fact I've just recently had the same thing occur with dd2. She's not a toddler yet but she's fighting her pm nap and becasue of the time change has been getting overtired when I tried to change her to the new times. For the last week she's been waking up at 5ish - 5.40am was her best so far. I have had a h*ll of a time with her this week but insisted on putting her down for the 1st nap at 9am and not letting her sleep past 9.45am. At first I gave her 6.30pm bedtime (which was her usual) but that backfired big time!!! I gave her a 5pm bedtime 2 nights ago and 5.30pm last night. She's finally getting back on track - yesterday's pm nap was 1hr15mins (which is better than the 30mins she's been doing all week) and today's nap has been 1hr 30mins. So I am all for early bedtime for a few days. Keep her awake till her morning nap and don't let her make up for it by giving her a long morning nap. You might not see results straight away but avoid the cycle....

Two last questions can I still use w2s to extend her pm nap? and Does PU/PD still work for toddlers, could I use it to help her fall asleep so it dozenīt take her that long, even if she is not crying and is laying down.  She only cries if I leave her side, but I also think I am a distraction.

Yes, you can try w2s.... it has worked for me in the past extending dd2's naps but I do believe that when they are overtired or when A times are incorrect it might not work... No harm in trying though  .

Pu/pd is not really recommended for toddlers - its more pd. If she's not crying and is just laying down I wouldn't do anytning. Give her a long wind down in the cot and leave her. You cannot make her fall asleep but you can provide her an environment to sleep in and try to get her in that sleepy state. Unfortunately if she's not crying, don't worry about her. She'll fall asleep and if she's only had a short nap... give her an earlier bedtime. If you suspect that you are a distraction, then start with the other sleep training methods. If she is playing and putting a show on for you and not falling asleep, then I would do pd or wi/wo.


Let me know how it goes

[Baby Marena]

Dear Layla, let me tell you things are going much better now.  She is falling asleep on her own thanks to GW and PD both for her naps and bedtime. I still have trouble with early morning wake up and with short afternoon nap.
Yesterday for example, her day began at 5 am, she seem tired around 7 am so I tried to put her down but she only slept for 20 min. Her nanny came at 8 am and put her down for a nap at 9 am she slept for 45 min. Her pm nap was at 1 pm but she only slept for 40 min. I tried pd to help her go back to sleep but it didnīt work. She finally went down at 6 pm and slept through the night.  This morning she was up at 6 am.  She has been crankier than ever, cries for anything throwing little tantrums all day long.  Her overtiredness is also affecting her appetite.
How can I change her routine, how should it look like?  Saying she wakes up at 7 something like this:
7 am -wake up
10 am -am nap for 45 min
2 pm - pm nap for 1.5 hr                               
6 30 - 7 pm -bed time
Her current  routine looks more or less like this:
6 am -wake up
9 am -am nap for 45 min
1 pm -pm nap for 40 min
6 pm -bed time
I know what is giving me trouble is the short pm nap, and I am afraid if I give her let say a 5 pm bed time she will be up at 5 am. Could it happen?
I would apprecite any advice on tweeking this routine. DD is pretty overtired 
THANKS A LOT!!!!

[Layla]

The very 1st thing I would do (even if she wakes up at 5am) is keep her awake until 9am. I've heard somewhere that if you put then down soon after they wake up in the morning then its like they are making up for the lost night sleep in the morning. I know its a very long stretch but even on days when Isabella would wake up at 5am (which occured ALOT during the transition), I held her off until 9am.

I've found that an earlier bedtime has helped me alot of times with the pm nap. There were plenty of days when Isabella would be going to bed at 5/5.30pm. But then again she has always made up for lost day sleep at night so it worked for us. Maybe try a slightly earlier bedtime (doesn't have to be as early as 5pm unless she;s not slept at all in the afternoon) for a few days and then push it back to normal if her afternoon nap extends. Unfortunately this is more like experimenting. Maybe try an earlier pm nap since she might be too knackered to sleep longer in the afternoon.

Would she sleep in the morning longer if you allowed it? For some waking up earlier from the morning nap still doesn't produce a good quality pm nap so in that case they let their lo sleep as long as they want in the morning and aim for a catnap in the pm. Maybe try that as well?

[Layla]

How's everything going???

[Baby Marena]

Sorry I havenīt been able to come to the internet cafe for so long... Well things are going well, but I am still having trouble with her pm nap.  She is waking up at 5:30-6:00 am, naps like 3 or 4 hours after waking up for 45 min. Then pm nap 3 hours after her am nap, this is all good, specially because she is going to sleep on her own, sometimes with a little help of PD. But I canīt get her to sleep for more than 45 min in the afternoon. And if I give her an early bed time like around 5:30pm she will sleep 12 hours straight, and be back up at 5:30 am and the cycle starts all over again. So please some advice regarding on extending pm naps?
I have actually been watching her sleep all through the 45 min, and her jolt is really strong so she wakes up and if I try putting her paci back and calm her with my hand she is aware of my presence so she turns over and greets me with a mama and a smile, after that I canīt do anything else. I am afraid of w2s since the last few times I have tried it I have woken her up instead.
Also about her am naps, she wonīt sleep for more than 45 min. Thanks a lot for your help!!!

[Layla]

Maybe try extending her A time so she is a little more tired for the pm nap. I've extended Jasmine's A time to 3.5hrs (and she's 11months) cause she was also doing these ridiculous 45min naps in the pm and I was stuck on putting her to bed really early. Do it slowly and see if that helps.... (like add 10mins every 3 days)

[Baby Marena]

Thanks I'll try that one and I'll let you know how it goes.