*gulp* Need BIG support, sleep training this wkend

[dorisd]

I can't take it anymore so we are going to start sleep training this weekend and I am NERVOUS.  My dd is 9 wks old, and has never fallen asleep unless she was in someone's arms or nursed to sleep.  When she first found the paci, she stopped nursing to sleep and was able to let herself go, as long as she was in someone's arms. 

I started doing Tracy's method of windown--where you hold for 5min and then into bed.  But that 5 min would start to extend, mostly because I started falling asleep with her and then wake up realizing that she was out cold.  DH does the bedtime routine and put to bed, and he almost ALWAYS falls asleep putting her to bed.  Sometimes he's snoring before she's even fully asleep.  Also, just realized in the past, at the slightest sound of her crying, we would immediately shush/pat.  Then became a habit--just shush/pat to sleep instead of waiting to see if she would cry.

So the last couple of nights when she would wake up for a feed (2 am and 5 am or just 5 am if great night), it will take at least one hour to put her back, including the feed (she is bf).  This is the same for naps too.  Also, I am Part-time and have luxury of bring lo to work.  She is fine, but can only nap ON MY CHEST, which makes it hard to move around or type.  Laying her down in play pen she will last about 15-30 min.

*sigh*    So I know I need to do shush/pat for all sleep and naps.  Is there anything else I should be doing?  We have a windown at night:  bath, quick massage and pj's, lullaby CD and cuddles with dad until passed out.  For naps, I just swaddle, make sure room is dark and hold her until she sleeps.

Also, paci is a Must for soothing to sleep.  It often falls out and she is okay with that.  Other times, she wakes up and needs it to go back to sleep.  I am not sure it is a prop necessarily, she has had a high need to suck since birth (and it used to be my breast!).  Starting to find fingers, but not too steady yet.

Help.  I need to hear good stories, encouragement, loads of advice, etc.  My sister did CC and is highly recommending it, my DH sounds intrigued and I am trying to convince him NO, can't take the crying (besides, I don't think it will work).

[Layla]

Hi there. I am here to support you all the way!!! Let me tell you that Isabella was the exact same age as your lo when I realised something had to be done. She slept on me for 9 weeks straight for all naps and at night she slept in b/n my dh & I. I carried her on the Babybjorn and at 9 weeks it was getting a little too much. I went to a sleep school (I hadn't discovered BW until she was 1) and I had to shh/pat her for all the naps. Honestly, it took her all up about 2 weeks before I could put her in cot, leave and she would fall asleep without my help. It was marvellous!!! You can do this!!!

We had the dummy as well but I decided to do this without it. I wanted to wean her of the dummy anyways and I thought since she is going to be doing some (alot) of crying, might as well deal with the dummy as well. She too needed it for naps and needed re-plugging to get to the next sleep cycle but that meant it was a prop and I wanted to be prop free! I know what you mean about the sucking thing. Babies are born with a strong sucking reflex but imo it is only prolonged if you the dummy is used. Maybe use it as windown but then when its time to actually lay her down, try without it (just my opinion though)

About cc - definitely would not use or recommend. Your lo is waaaay too young for that kind of thing. Tracy didn't believe in it as it would break the trust b/n the parent and the baby and you don't want that. I was told to try cc when Isabella was only 5 weeks & I did!!! It was awful and after 3 days, I picked her up and went on about carrying her to sleep. Then at 9 weeks I sought some help..... Definitely stay away from the temptation of cc or cio - not worth it, doesn't work and there are much better ways to teach your lo indep sleep.

Good luck & keep posting
Layla

[dorisd]

Layla,

Thanks for the good words and support!  Sometimes figuring out what is best for your lo can be a little scary because it's all so new.  I will follow your advice and have a good long talk with dh to avoid CC (he only brings it up when he is stressed about her not falling to sleep well). 

I will keep posting more later.  LO is awake! 

[Layla]

My dh was the same (minus the cc part)... he could not stand her crying at all and would have rocked her to sleep all her life. When I was doing the sleep training with shh/pat, she cried alot and he would come in every minute, telling me to stop and would pick her up. In the end I asked him to take a walk or go for a jog and let me do what has to be done. He is a real softie and even with #2 he knew it was going to be done again but still couldn't stand the crying....

Keep posting
Layla

[Lizjjackson]

Hi dorisd!  I chatted a bit with you about our lo's learning to suck their fingers.  Well, I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with my pastor's wife today (she has 3 finger suckin children) and she said that our lo's are right on the cusp of being able to find their fingers.  What she told me to do was to start to experiment with her.  Put her down for a nap without the paci and stay in their with her watching what she does.  Provide some comfort with pat/shhing and just see if she even attempts to soothe herself.  If not try in again the next day.  She said to start with morning naps because they are the most agreeable at that time.  You can increase the time that you keep the paci away from them to give them slowly more and more of a chance to find those fingers.  Umtimatly the idea is to watch them and see when they are able to self soothe with fingers. and then we can feel confident and fully remove that paci because they can self soothe, we just have to give them a chance to learn how.  I am going to give it a try starting on Friday, so I will keep you posted on the success.  hopefully i will have a finger suckin babe sooner than later!

[dorisd]

Good news!!!  Lo made major effort today to stick her entire fist in her mouth for over half hour!  Even persisted in this new skill when we changed activities (moved from changing table to my bed so she could stare at ceiling fan, to sitting on my lap...)!  Yaaaayyyy!  We are on the way to paci removal and I am so excited.  Lizjackson, thanks for sharing good advice.  I will try it asap and let you know how it goes.

My biggest fear re: sleep training is that she will be so resistant to sh/pat method and removal of comfy chests from her sleep routine that she will defy naps and end up being ridiculously sleep deprived.  She does not nap easily or for long on her own.  It is not unusual for her to have days where her she naps for 15 min or 30 min at a time; altogether 1 and 1/2 hours of napping in a 6 hr stretch.  I half-heartedly tried the sh/pat method before to break her of the chest routine and had to do it her entire nap time.  Then started EASY again, and again did sh/pat her entire nap time....ended up super gnarly at bedtime and had horrible nighttime sleep.  She was so upset that I just gave up.  I am concerned how long I can expect her to be sleep deprived like this before we turn a corner.  Layla, how long did it take for your lo to accept the sh/pat to go to sleep?

Btw, I am thinking about getting a sound machine to help block out the sound of our creaky floors when we walk around.  Have you ever tried one?  Logically, if we teach her to self-soothe back to sleep, it won't matter if we wake her up walking around on creaky floors, right?  Would the sound machine become a prop? 

Thanks for answering my questions, giving advice and support.  I appreciate having a place to turn to when I am trying to find help to ensure my lo doesn't become my eternal guinea pig of parenting practices.