Hi from Thailand, Please help me my baby is nightwaker

[LLLena]

I forgot to ask, have you read any of the Baby Whisperer books?  If not, I would recommend it as the information would start to come together better for you.   

[seniuk2001]

Good evening, fussy mom!

Try not to stress...you will both figure this out...we are not born with parenting skills..we have to learn..just like they do.

I agree...if he is content...and not crying...just let him be...he will soon learn to got back to sleep on his own.

Sounds like you are both tired during the day and used to being awake at night. 

When I first started getting my little one to sleep on her own, I did shh/pat in her crib.  She was very stimulated by light and everything visual.  So when I was doing shhh/pat, I would turn her face away from mine but having her on her side facing the wall, if she was settled in her crib on her back, instead of moving her on those occasions I would hold my hand over her eyes to block out visual stimulation and so that she could not make eye contact with me.

It sounds like he's starting to enjoy the interaction with you while you are working through this with the shh/pat... Remember that you are there to help him only.  I would try not to stop the shh and the pat at the same time...It could be that you are stopping the shh/pat too early. 

This is what my shh/pat process looked like when I started, if it helps...

-wakes...fusses...leave her along
-fussing changes to crying...go into her bedroom, turn her onto her side, pat her back, shh her until her crying stops
-continue pat and shh for another 5 minutes, listening for breathing sounds that indicate she is relaxing back into sleep
-stop pat, continue shh for another 5 minutes
-if she has not started to fuss again, leave her in her crib and in her room.

I think Tracy's book says that it takes around 15 minutes for them to get into a deeper sleep cycle so I would often keep an eye on my watch while I was in there.

One more question...do you find he is always waking at 1 in the morning?  Or is it not always by the clock?

Leanne

[Colin Macs Mom]

Fussy mom, I don't have much to add to the advice you've already been given, but I want you to know that you're doing GREAT, and what you're going through is totally normal. It's hard and is no fun for anyone, but it's all part of the baby learning independent sleep. You're doing all the right things and you're obviously devoted to learning how to fix it rather than using a "band-aid" - meaning accidental parenting to just get through it rather than teaching.

[LLLena]

I agree with Leanne and think she's done a great job of explaining the process better.  Sorry if I didn't do as well.  Please let us know how you're coming.

ColinMac'sMom is right.  This will absolutely pay off for you and your lo and you WILL be able to sleep through the night eventually. 

Lena

[fussy mom]

Hi Everyone
Thank you very much for your support and cheerful. I feel better now. I thought to give up but yes you are right. I have to be more patient and more relax. He can not learn from one night.
Last night, he got up at 10, 1 and 4. He went to bed at 6.30 because he was very tired and cranky. He got up for palying. Once he did not see me, he cried and screamed. I tried to shh/pat him but he thought I was playing with him. I could not leave the room cause if he did not see me, he screamed and cried. I left him for 2 minutes to see if he would stop crying but he did not. I tried to pu/pd but it did not work neither. Unfortunately, the room next door came to complain. I tried to do everything to make him sleepy. Once I put him back to bed, he started crying. I was afraid my neibour would complain agian, so I let him play. What should I do next. He is very tired and it seems like he sleeps better during the day. I tried to wake him to follow the routine but he did not wake so I let him to sleep some more. Did I do the wrong thing if I let him sleep some more during the day.
Lena, No I do not have BW book. I do not see any in Thailand.
Leanne, Thank you so much for your shh/pat process. Yes he always get up by 1. Therefore, he got up at 10. Since I started Lena's routine, he gets up at 1.
Jessica, Thank you for your support and cheerful.

[LLLena]

I am sorry you are having a rough time, but consistency is key here.  Can you talk to your neighbor and explain what you are doing?  I mean, it isn't like you are trying to have your lo scream all night.  It isn't easy, I know this.  But for this to work and you to get some REST, you have to remain consistent and not let him play.  Your lo needs to understand that night time is not playtime, and I really think the way to do it is with pu/pd.  If he thinks you are playing w/ shh/pat, then it obviously isn't working. 

Changing the routine is stressful and I understand how you've thought of giving up.  The only thing I can tell you right now is BE CONSISTENT.  And if he wants to play at night, do pu/pd.  When he is tired throughout the day, keep him on the routine.  Because when he sleeps too much during the day, he won't be tired at night and think its time to play.  Please know that we are with you during this difficult transition, but you have to remain steady and consistent for you lo to be able to make the changes too.  You have to lead him into the new routine. 

Can you order the BW book from Amazon.com or another online bookstore?

Let me know how it goes tomorrow.    Good luck.

Lena

[fussy mom]

Hi Lena
I think I just ruined his routine today.  I was very tired in the afternoon. I took a nap and I did not get up until 5 pm. I did not hear alarm clock. My son slept from 1 to 5 pm. Once I got up, I thought I just ruined his routine and confuse him. Last night, he went to bed at 6.30 as usual. He got up at 9, went back to sleep at 11. He got up agian at 2 and went back to sleep at 4. I had to put him to stroller so he was sleepy and I could put him down. I tried to pu/pd and my good neighbor came to complain agian. I feel terrible. I feel like it's hopeless for me. I feel like it was my fault that I took a nap.  I read all of you guys comment over and over. Maybe I should step back and think what should I do. For my neighbor, I think to cook him yummy dish and apologies to him. I hope it works. Thank you very much for your supports and suggestons. I will try my best agian today. Thanks.

[LLLena]

Hi again Fussymom-

I've slept through the alarm too and know how that feels.  Ugh!  Today is a new day and you get to start all over again.  Please talk to your neighbor about what you're doing and why.  Tell him that this isn't going to last, but you HAVE to do this like this for now.  I am sure a yummy dish will help soften him up a bit.  It certainly isn't the best situation, but you need to nip this while you can before it gets worse when he's able to get out of bed on his own.  You have a window of opportunity here and you need to take it if you don't want to keep getting up for playtime in the middle of the night. 

Please don't think I am being hard on you as that is not my intention.  I have been in a bad place with naps and nighttime sleep and feel your pain.  And I will tell you that there is hope, but you have to follow the routine and maintain consistency w/ pu/pd.  When lo is crying during pu/pd and things are so hard, you need to know in your heart that it is the best thing for him because he's learning how to sleep on his own and also learning that nighttime is for sleep and not play. 

(((Big Hugs))) and we can start fresh again when the sun comes up.    Please let me know how its going. 

Lena

[fussy mom]

Hi Lena
You know what ! I was crying while I read your message. I feel very good and I realize I'm not lonely. I have a freind who understand me very deeply. You care and keep trying to help me and my baby  eventhought we never meet. You are very nice to me. Thank you very much. Yes, you had been though all of my situations. You can do it so do I.  Thank you very much.

[LLLena]

I am glad you do not feel alone.  You have plenty of resources here on BW and I will do my best to help you through this process.  When my son was about 5-6 months old it all came to a head and we had to go through the pu/pd process too.  He was waking every 1-2 hours at night and only falling asleep while bf.  It was rough for the first few days of pu/pd and each day it got better and better.  Now, he is 13mos old and sleeps independently and rarely wakes at night. 

I am telling you this so you know it is possible to succeed.  There are so many others with similar stories and they will all tell you the same thing.  Consistency is key and that will guide you and your lo when you feel like there isn't hope.  I promise it can get better.

Lena

[Colin Macs Mom]

That's right, you have lots of support here      Consistency really is the key though, if you can do that you can handle anything.

[fussy mom]

Hi Lena, Leanne and Jessica
Yesterday, I could not log in. Two nights ago, my son woke up at 9, 11 and 3. I was very tired but I believe I have windown of opportunity like Lena said. Last night, my son slept from 5 pm to 7 am. AMAZING isn't it. I tried to follow Lena schedual but sometime if he was too tired, I put him to bed so he did not fight to sleep. Yesterday, I let him took 2 hours afternoon nap. And he was tired at 5 so I put to bed. I thought to give him cat nap. I took a nap too. I told my hubby to wake me up at 5.45 but he did not. He thought I was very tired so I should get some rest. He did not wake baby up to. He said if baby wanted to get up, baby would complain. I got up when my hubby went to bed. It was midnight and my son did not complain at all. I woke up to dreamfeed him. He slept very well until 7 am. Should I be happy or he might change his sleep habit agian tonight. Did he sleep too long or it's ok for him to sleep 14 hours at night. I'm very happy and you guys right, my baby can sleep thought the night too. Thank you very much for your suggestion and support. I will tell you tomorrow if he sleep thought the night tonight. 

[seniuk2001]

YEAH!!!  Fussy mom!  you made it !  Congratulations!  There may be bumps in the road...but you have a foundation started.

You will be saved by this...mark our words!  And if things are messed up a little one day cuz he slept too long during the day...that's fine...you will get back on track the next day!

Word to the wise...DH!  This is for you!  Your baby is sleeping longer at night!  This is due to your wife's excellent efforts to teach him some essential skills of learning to sleep on his own!  Thank you for letting her sleep longer...as I'm sure she needed it...but next time she asks you to wake her and baby...and you don't want to wake her...then just wake baby and play with him quietly...giving her some extra rest!  She will thank you for it when she does wake!   And hugs to you too!

Fussy mom!  Keep up the good work!  When he's older you can tell him all about his early sleep habits

Take care!
Leanne

[LLLena]

Happy Days!  You had your first full nights sleep! Yeah!  When he woke the other night at 9,11, and 3, what did you do?  It sounds like things are looking up a little regardless, huh?  

Regarding the amount of sleep required, BW recommends two naps 1-2 hrs each and 12 hrs at night.  The cat nap is just a little boost to get through the evening.  I definitely would not let him sleep longer than 2 hrs for each nap.  You can wake him gently at the 2 hr mark because if he sleeps more than that you risk losing nighttime sleep.  

When you refer to the schedule I gave you, it is only an outline of how the average day should go.  And it is a good reference tool for you since you are just getting started on EASY.  Watching for tired signs is imperative and you absolutely did the right thing by putting him down before he got too tired.  Good job!

Hope tonight goes just as well.  I knew you could do it.

[fussy mom]

Hi Ladies
Thank you very much. I'm so happy and I'm so proud of my son. He can do it. After we have been trying so hard. It's worth. I would not know how to do if you guys did not give me good advises and support. I hope he will sleep through the night agian tonight.
Leane, my hubby asked me that would I be jealous if he hugs you too.  He just made fun of me.
Lena, Thank you a lot for everything. When he woke up at 9, 11 and 3. I picked him up and see if he wanted to be fed. Once he did not want. I did PU/PD. About an 40 minutes, he settles down. At 11, I fed him and put him down. He played in his crib for 30 minutes and went back to sleep. At 3, I did pu/pd for 30 minutes then he settled down. During the day, I fed him very 4 hours. I put him to bed when he tried. He did not cry at all. 10 minutes after I put him down, he slept. I let him had longer nap in the morning and afternoon. When he got up, he was not cranky and ate better. He was on breasts longer than 10 minutes each side. By the way, I have more question. If he does not cry for feed at night, shoud I stop DF. Should I give up night feeding. Is he too young for no night feed. Thank you.