Hi,
I ran into trouble with this awhile ago too...my little one got really squirmy during the holding part of the wind down. I realized that just didn't work for her anymore. Every baby is different of course, and you'll have to find what works for yours, but here are some things that have worked for me...
Read books aloud with your lo over your shoulder so she doesn't get stimulated by the illustrations or the activity of it all. She might sit more still in your arms if she has something to listen to. (I've also memorized a couple of short ones that have nice rhythmic verses, and I'll recite those to her too while I walk around the house, or if we're out on errands, and I'm winding her down without her books and things handy.) It saved my life on a plane ride!
Sing songs with your lo over your shoulder. I try to stand in her room where there isn't much visual stimulation for her, and I sing and gently pat her on the back. If you think she's ready to be put in her crib, you might also sing 1 or 2 songs from a corner in the room, so she knows you're still there, before she moves on to the independent sleep thing.
Instead of holding her, lay down together somewhere for a minute while you rub her head, or tummy and just have some quiet, non-stimulating time.
If your lo responds to rocking, you might indulge her with a dance in another location than where naps/bedtime occur. Play a song, and dance with her, holding her close - bouncing to the beat. When the song ends, say "that was a fun dance, not let's get ready for your nap." She'll get that they are separate things, but the bouncing may just get the tiredness rolling before you even enter her room. (That may not be a baby whisperer approved suggestion! But I think if you keep the activity separate from the actual rocking to sleep motion, it should be okay?)
Consider that your lo doesn't need as much wind down as you think they might. I've found that the sitting part didn't work well sometimes because my lo was already tired enough to get on with it already! I was dragging out the process without meaning to! And that was frustrating her. Maybe try shortening the wind-down altogether.
Anyway, those are just some ideas. It'll just take some trial and error. Good luck!
kate's mom
