Desperate for help with toddler night wakings!

[josie k]

Help! Basically my 17month DS is waking for 2-3hrs a night screaming hysterically. I have always done PU/PD which in the past has been very successful, but now is just not working leaving me tearing my hair out what to do next.

He has always been a terrible sleeper and did not sleep through until he was nearly a year old. Since then we have had ups and downs but generally has slept through and if he woke was relatively straightforward to settle back to sleep. I would go in, lay him back down if sitting/standing tell him firmly but calmly to go back to sleep. It may have taken a little time sometimes but this PD method always worked for us.

However we recently went on holiday a month ago and all week and since then he has been waking and screaming and will simply not go back down. It really ruined the holiday! My DH put him in bed with him once and i took the couch and i have also been breastfeeding at night which i feel has probably made things worse. But even the feeds have not put him back to sleep.

I have never done controlled crying as such but have always stayed in the room with him reasuring him with my voice. A pat on the back sometimes helps but as soon as i stop, he starts again. He also has been waking very early for 6 months now between 4.30-5.30 which i am just used to now starting our day at that time, so has his nap at around 9-10 for two hours. Which i know is too early for a nap but it's obviously because he wakes early. 

We have no bedtime battles he loves his bath and stories which we start at 6.00pm and is fast asleep by 7 generally. I breasfeed him last thing but he often goes into his cot just awake.
I feed him in the am too, but not back to sleep, and i do feed him to put him down for his naps. (I know, i know!) So i guess it looks like he is still dependant on me to get back to sleep, although I stopped his night feeds 7 months ago and have had little difficulty in getting him back to sleep at night when he wakes. I also think he is capable of settling himself to sleep as i have often heard him wake at night but have not had to go in.

So i am totally at a loss now what to do. I am interested to know about the WI/WO method? The situation is now so bad my DH and i are litterally sleeping in shifts and the whole thing is very traumatic for my LO too. My guess is separation anxiety and i am now worried about cot phobia...


Anyway please please help!! Any advice would be great.

Josie K

[mari]

What's his daily routine with regards to wakeup times and nap times.  It will help to give you the best advice.  I had success with WIWO after awful nightwakings so I will help if I can.

[josie k]

Hello!

He wakes at 5-5.30 generally sometimes 4.30 but no later than 5.45 ever! And he is tired at around 10 am when he sleeps for 1.5-2 hours. I haven't had problems with naps for a while now. As i said i breastfeed him to put him down which i feel is part of the night waking problem but we are not quite ready to stop breastfeeding yet.  He then is up for the rest of the day sometimes having a 20min sleep only if we are in the car. He doesn't seem overtired for his bath and stories..Things weren't too bad last night, his dad managed to get him back to sleep within a hour. We left a night light on for him last night and took a blanket off him. Any help appreciated.
Josie K

[mari]

I know that you are not ready to stop breastfeeding yet, which is up to you, but you can still teach him to sleep independantly.  He doesn't have to fall asleep on the breast.  You could give him his milk before a bath, but you really should help him to learn to fall asleep without the breast.
He is waking very early, so if you could either try to get him back to sleep in the early morning and stretch him until around 11.30 for his nap, hopefully when he gets used to it, it will become easier.  The reason that I suggest this is it does seem like overtired as a baby this age can rarely do more than 5.5-6 hours activity time and your LO is doing 7 hours perhaps more before going to sleep.
If you think that stretching his nap will be too difficult you could try an earlier bedtime and perhaps this might help the early mornings.
As for the nightwakings, when he wakes you should ensure that he is ok, no poos, not thirsty etc, then leave the room. (Walk inWalkout)
If you think that Seperation Anxiety might be the cause of his nightwakings (he might have trouble adjusting from falling asleep on the breast) then you should try Gradual Withdrawal.  There is more information in the FAQ section on this board.

[josie k]

Thanks for your help. Well this evening has been difficult! He didn't fall asleep at the breast so i put him down told him to go to sleep and left the room. I actually read your post after beginning WI/WO.. He went beserk when i left the room but it took an hour to get him to sleep and another 20min bout just now. So i'm really impressed with the progress already. I think your right i can breastfeed him but i really need to get him falling asleep on his own. I think i'll keep going with the WI/WO and i agree it is a very long awake time in the afternoon for him. The only reservation i have putting him down earlier is the clocks have recently changed so he now goes to bed an hour earlier which has resulted in earlier wakings. I often try to put him back down the the morning to no avail and i hate starting the day with screaming!
Anyway fingers crossed WI/WO will work for us now! Thanks for the help.
Josie K

[mari]

The clocks changing gave us a hard time for a week.  It's bad luck that it's happened now, but at least it will done all together.
WIWO is a great method and worked for us.  It teaches them that we are there for them always but it's now time for bed and eventually, with lots of consistency they do get it.
We are here for you and will help as much as we can.  Good luck.