Out of whack 10 month old - Need experienced advice

[riuliani]

Okay,

We have had two weeks of lack of routine.  Not for lack of trying.  I just can't seem to get him these days.  He never really shows signs for anything.  Probably because I have been so good at predicting his needs (patting myself on the back  ).  However, I really wish I could get a clue these days as to what he needs.  Here is the issues.

Our EASY doesn't seem to be working.  Our morning wake ups are all over the place.  If he wakes up anytime after 5am then 3 out of 5 times I can't get him back to sleep.  I will bring him into bed with me to lounge until I have the strength to roll out of bed.  Although I am seeing some improvement in this department.  Yesterday and today he woke at 5am.  I put him back to sleep or so I thought.  For the next 2.5 hours he dozed and woke every 15 minutes.  He didn't need me to settle him.  He self settled but I wouldn't call it quality sleep (at least it wasn't for me  ).

He is now 10.5 months (ooh it hurts to realize that  ).  Since 5 months he has been an 8am wake up, 8pm sleep baby.  Currently we are getting up for the day anywhere between 6:30am and 8:30am.  There doesn't seem to be any consistency.

Since his wake ups are all over the map I have trouble deciding when to put him down for his first nap.  I have been averaging 3 hours of activity time in the morning before the first nap.  Even then he will babble in his crib for 15 minutes before actually falling asleep.  Then he will only sleep 30-45 minutes.  Up until last week he averaged 1.25 hrs.

His afternoon nap is what has me baffled most.  I try to go for another 3-3.5 hours of A time.  However, he screams and fights to be put to sleep.  I have been sitting with him and singing to him until he is almost asleep for the past two weeks.  If I put him in the crib before the eyes are just barely slits he cries his head off (we call it tomato head because he goes so red).  He has never been a baby that fights going to sleep.  That has been his trademark.  Putting him to sleep has always been easy.  Keeping him asleep has been the problem in the past.  If I keep him awake any longer than he ends up sleeping too late into the day and the bedtime is blown.  For his second nap he is also averaging 45 minutes to one hour.

Bedtime has been fairly consistent.  He goes to bed between 7:15 and 7:45pm regardless of when he wakes up in the morning.  We haven't had too many problems getting him to go to bed....yet!  I fear that his wacky naps might eventually throw off the bedtime.  He is definitely a baby that gets affected by accumulated overtiredness.  It took me two months to correct overtiredness last time.  I don't want to go down that road again.

He has always had nightwakings.  I have just accepted them as a fact of life.  At least we have managed to get them to the point where it only takes a couple of minutes to resettle him (knock on wood).  Generally he sleeps well between midnight and 5am.  Maybe one nightwaking but sometimes we don't get any.

Anyway, that is the scoop and I figure we are in another transition stage.  We are probably at the 2-1 nap switch.  Although he seems young for it still.  In the past he has been a cold turkey kind of guy for things.  Phasing out the catnap didn't work.  If we just went cold turkey he adjusted in a couple of days and was fine.  Same thing for removing his pacifier and swaddle.  Should we just take the plunge and do it for the 2-1 nap switch?  Are we even at that stage yet?  Just looking for some advice and hand holding to help me get back to a more predictable routine.  Especially since I will be going back to work in 1.5 months.  I would like to hand him off to the baby sitter in good shape to make things easier on everyone.

Thanks in advance!

[Grace's Mom]

Hi!

My lo just turned 12 months so I know how you feel about being shocked about how old they are.  Time just went by way too fast, huh?! 

Your lo sounds somewhat like mine.  Her wake up times vary from 6am-7am and I have actually just learnt to sort of accept it.  It seems like no matter what I do during the day it doesn't truly affect if she sleeps 'in' or wakes up at 6am. From that point we just kind of go from there and I try to put her down for her naps at around the same time (minus 30 minutes or so - would hate to get her overtired).  I think they are at an age where keeping them up a few minutes isn't going to kill them, you know.  However, 5am wake up....definitely not acceptable. 
-If he is happy and content when waking at 5am, do you still go into his room?  If so, try just leaving him and he most likely will go right back to sleep.  Mine use to wake at 5am and then would go back to sleep close to 6am and sleep another hour.  Of course we have a video monitor so it makes it easy to know what she is up to in there. 

At 10 months is when my dd moved to 2 naps.  One thing she started doing that may work for you is having a short 30-45 minute am nap and then a longer pm nap. You really want the 2nd nap to be the best to keep them from being overtired at bedtime which of course will in turn cause early wakings/night wakings, etc.  If I accidentally let her sleep longer in the am, the afternoon nap is awful and it's early to bed.  You may want to try that before switching to 1 nap.  He seems a bit young (although some switch at around this time) and most likely just needs some tweaking to the routine.

Do you think the crying before the 2nd nap is due to him being overtired or SA?  Mine will now cry when I leave (some of the time) and it lasts about 30 seconds and then she goes off to sleep fairly soon after but it also happens more so if she is overtired.  If you think he is overtired then try putting him down just a tad early.  Some days they can stay awake longer and others not so much.  I think it depends on 1. their night sleep and 2. how hard they were just playing.

Would you be able to post your routine.....as best as possible.   

Have a great evening and here's hoping your lo who sleeps in! 

Melissa

[riuliani]

He is never happy when he wakes up (morning or naptimes).  I haven't been blessed by a little one that wakes up all smiles and sits to play for a little bit until he calls for me.  He always wakes crying.  I have a rule that I wait at least 1 minute but no more than 2 to see if he will put himself back to sleep.  It is fairly easy to tell when he is going to be able to settle himself and when he won't.  I am confident that I am only going in when he truly needs me.  I have even tried to put a couple of toys in his crib hoping that he would wake, see them and play for a few minutes by himself.  So far I haven't had any luck.

DS currently only has a short 45 minute nap in the morning.  I haven't noticed that the length of his morning nap affects the length of his afternoon nap.  This is where I am struggling.  I was hoping shorter morning naps would mean an earlier afternoon nap and a longer afternoon nap.  So far I have only been able to get a maximum one hour out of him in the afternoon.  How much day time sleep should they need at this age?

I think the crying before the afternoon nap is mostly overtired.  He is pretty good about SA.  He plays very independently.  In fact he prefers to play without me most of the time, which is nice because I can get some housework done while he is awake.  I am slowly trying to put him down earlier and earlier for his afternoon nap to see if that works.  I found today that I could get him to sleep earlier but it still took 20 minutes to get him to go down.  I just started much earlier than I normally do.

Here was today's routine.

- 5am wake and needed settling
- 5:15-7:30 he woke every 15-20 minutes but settled himself until he decided to get up at 7:30am
- 8am bottle
- 9am-9:30am breakfast (oatmeal, banana and yogurt)
- 10:30am put him in his crib for 1st nap, started wind down at 10:15 (includes sitting on the potty, diaper change and one verse of a lullaby), he played by himself in his crib until 10:45am when he fell asleep
- 11:30am woke from nap (45 minutes)
- 12:00pm bottle
- 1:00pm lunch (roast beef, cottage cheese and avocado)
- 2:45pm started wind down for 2nd nap with aim of having him in crib by 3:00pm, same wind down as morning nap except lots of crying and arching, he finally closed his eyes in my arms after several lullaby versus and was put into the crib at 3:10pm, tried PD but he got more agitated
- 4:05pm woke from nap (55 minutes)
- 4:30pm snack of goldfish crackers and apple juice
- 6:00pm dinner at table with us (pork, veggies, yams and rice)
- 7:00pm sitting on potty, bathtime then bedtime wind down, diaper change, pyjamas, sleep sack, story with quiet music playing, bottle in the dark
- 7:40 into the crib with one lullaby verse

Tonight he did a few minutes of crying before bedtime.  This is what I am worried about.  He doesn't usually do that, so I am thinking his afternoon antics are carrying over into the evening.

Unfortunately tomorrow and Friday are shot for trying the afternoon nap.  We will likely be in the car due to appointments.  I will keep trying though.  At least when he naps in the car I don't have to fight with him but his naps are not as long.

[Grace's Mom]

Good afternoon! 

I hope your day is going well so far.

I am sorry to hear your lo doesn't wake up happy.  That must be so hard on you.   

NAP AMOUNTS:  For us my daughter only needs about 1.5-2.5 hours of daytime sleep with an average of 2 hours between her two naps....30 minute am nap and 1.5 hour pm nap. At night she only needs about 11-11.5 hours of sleep....sometimes a tad bit more and sometimes less.  I think 14 hours of sleep a day is about what they need at this age.

On a random note....you are very lucky to have a lo who will play so independently!  Way to go mom.

Ok, so I definitely think he is over tired at the 2nd nap and bedtime. Here are my suggestions....

For his nap start windown at 2:30 and have him in bed by 2:45.  That might cut down on the crying and such. 

Try that for 4-7 days and see how it goes.  Always try something for about a week before changing and trying something new.  These things take time to settle in and start working.  I always had a hard time with waiting it out as I wanted immediate resluts.   

I would also suggest having him in bed at 7:30 or earlier.  It's ok if he wriggles a bit after you leave.  It's better that then putting him down overtired and crying, you know. 

If you don't see an improvement in his second nap with putting him down earlier then I would cut the 1st nap down to 30 minutes.  He may be cranky for a few days but it has really worked for a ton of us mom's on the March/April 2006 birth club thread. 

You are doing a great job!  Keep up the wonderful work.

Mel

[Grace's Mom]

How did today go for you?

Melissa

[riuliani]

Today was weird.  First of all last night was DHs turn to be "on call" for any wakings.  I went to bed and put ear plugs in, so I wouldn't be tempted to get up an intervene.  Of course, as per usual when DH is in charge, he slept straight through from bedtime until 7:40 this morning.  Then when he woke he woke happy and played until 8am in his crib.  Actually he only started to cry out when he heard me say something to DH.  Then it was time to cry to get our attention.  He is a cheeky little devil isn't he!

We had a little trouble getting him down for his first nap.  I tried to get him down at 10:45am.  I started at 10:30am.  That would have given him about 3 hours of A time first thing.  He finally settled and went down at 11:00am or shortly before.  I had to do some singing but I always leave the room before he is completely asleep.  He then slept until noon, so the longest morning nap we have had in a couple of weeks.  I was surprised since his night was such a good sleep.

We had to pick up our new car this afternoon.  We had it all planned so we would be home in time for his second nap.  Things didn't work out that way.  The dealership was very disorganized.  He fell asleep in the car at about 3:10pm.  He slept for about 40 minutes in the car.  Then he was quite cranky for the rest of the afternoon.  We tried to put him to bed earlier.  I started wind down at 7pm aiming to have him in bed by 7:15pm.  He didn't do major crying unless I left him in the crib alone.  We ended up sitting quietly in his chair until 7:45pm talking to the animals on his wall.  Then I sang a couple of lullabys.  He finally went in his crib, awake, at 8pm but put himself to sleep.  We have had a couple of crying out sessions this evening but he has settled himself for all of them.

I am going to try to stick to the 2:30pm plan as suggested.  Unfortunately we have swimming tomorrow, then Sunday I have to take him to a Bridal shower.  That will upset that plan a bit.  Next week seems wide open at the moment, so I am going to do my best to be diligent about the training.

[Grace's Mom]

Best of luck on your trial nap run next week!   

Glad to hear he slept in today (or yesterday).  Doesn't that always happen...LOL!   

Have a lovely weekend.  Keep us posted on how it goes.
Melissa