Struggling with a 45min naper - experts required !!!!

[Spencer's Mum]

Our little man is nearly 11wks old and can't get past that 45 minute mark.

He pretty much feeds every 3hrs, and I start winding him down about 20 minutes before he's due to go down by just walking around with him, changing his nappy, swaddling him and then for the last 5 minutes a bit of ssshhh/pat (up for about 1.5hrs at a time) and get him down fine.  I have then been watching him as he sleeps, for the sign that he's stirring.  When he is about to stir (40 minutes), I'll have my arms on his body to stop the wriggle, but he just opens his eyes, and then that's it. 

So I have tried
*  stroking his face before he wakes - no good, that actually just wakes him up
*  ssshhh him with his eyes open - no good, just wriggles more
*  pick him up as soon as he opens his eyes and try to resettle him.  He'll fall asleep on me, but then wake up
    within 5-10 minutes of going down again
*  I cover his cot mobile with a sheet so he doesn't get distracted by the colours when he does wake
*  let him try and settle himself as he doesn't grizzle at all when he wakes, but today, 20 minutes after
    waking and he was still trying to find his thumb !!!

How long do you try and get them back to sleep before saying ok, lets do play time and try again next time ?  This sleep routine throws his feeds out, as he's either ready for a feed when he goes down, or during his 45 minutes or when he wakes up, so he must be confused on when he should be getting fed ?

How long does it take for them to learn to fall asleep by themselves ?  The 'training' goes a bit pear in the weekend as this is really the only time my hubby gets to spend time with him so forgets about wind down and to watch out for tired signs etc so will be playing with him when the little man is ready to go down. 

I'm getting pretty disheartenend - pretty bad I can teach the little man this simple thing.  Should I just accept the kips he does and hope he grows out of it ?

He's down for bed by 7:30/8pm and sleeps through til 3:30ish for a top up and then wakes at 6:30/7am.  He's breastfeed (although any tips on introducing a bottle would be appreciated)

At the moment, happy as larry in his boucner watching me type this even though he's only had x2 45 minute kips today instead of x2 1.5hrs !!!!  Am I not stimulating him enough at awake / playtime ?!?!?!

Help me please guys !!!

Thanks heaps

Cherie

PS He sleeps fine in his sling when we are out and about

[katemom]

Hi,

First of all, your attached photo is really cute, and a perfect one for the open eyes you talked about when he wakes early from his naps!

I know it's frustrating - I've been there.  It sounds like you have done a really good job trying out different things.  I never had too much luck with holding through the jolts either, it worked occasionally, but mostly my lo woke up.  I didn't answer your post because I am an expert by any means, but because I could sense the same desperation I have felt at times.

I thought I could throw out a few other suggestions, that may or may not work with your lo, but here are they are anyway: at 11 weeks my lo responded well to shush/pat in the crib while on her side.  She learned to get comfy on her side and that helped her sleep through the jolt sometimes because she had pressure on one whole side of her body.  I would watch her as she jolted, and her arm that wasn't underneath her would flail, but then because the rest of her body was still, she made it through.  I used a sleep positioner to keep her on her side, as I knew she liked it. ---oh, I just read that you swaddle - that should provide the pressure anyhow.  Unless he needs a tighter swaddle, like the ones that velcro or something?

You mentioned that you didn't think you were stimulating him enough?  I would play with that a little.  In my case I found that I was actually overstimulating my lo, and that's when the toughest bout of short naps plagued us.  She tolerated all the activity really well, and acted happy, but she just couldn't turn it off when it was time to sleep, and it caused her to wake easily.  So I would try stimulating even less first, and if that doesn't help, you could try more.  (But always start the A period with the most stimulating activity and then work your way down to the most mellow as it gets closer to nap time).  At that age, it doesn't take that much to get pretty wired and tired.

I understand it is difficult to have your training interrupted with inconsistency with another parent.  Can you get him on board somehow?  If it helps, my husband thought it was all a little too complicated at first and thought I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.  But when our lo started falling asleep on her own, and staying asleep, he was basically kissing the ground I walked on, and was really grateful I was dedicated to the cause.

Anyway, whatever you do, don't be too hard on yourself.  You can try some other things, and I'm sure you'll get more suggestions from the "experts" out there.  It will get better.  Although it may take more time than we want it to!

Good luck,

katemom

[Nic and Jackson]

Hi Cherie
first of all - just love the name Spencer!!
maybe if when he starts to move at 40 min mark, you gently pat his bottom (the sshhh/pat without the shhh) or try with the shhh as well.  that generally worked with my daughter.
if he's on his back sometimes just patting the mattress beside him, or sort of gently 'bouncing' it with your hand also works.

Another thing that i find helpful is to put bub in the cot and just sing to them for a few minutes before it is time for sleep.  With Helena it seems to get her used to the 'new' environment and then i can leave her to put herself to sleep. 

the only other thing i can offer is that if you are trying to get bub into a routine then perhaps if you can persevere for say 2 weeks with consistency it may help.  That means letting DH play with Spencer on the weekend but you keeping a watchful eye to know when Spencer is ready for sleep and for you to proceed with winddown and sleep routine.  Once the routine is established then DH is welcome to 'help' in future as bub will handle the inconsistency a bit better by then.

I hope this helps.

Nic

[adamsfour]

Hi Cherie,

I also didn't reply because I am an expert, I am instead in the midst of desperation with you. My ds is 10 weeks and doing the exact same thing. I have also tried holding his arms and legs through the jolts to make it into the next sleep cycle only to have him wake as soon as I leave the room (after being in there for 20+ mins). I also tried to put him on his side, and all the other tricks suggested except patting the matress. I will be trying that in 40 mins!

I am also very curious to see when they outgrow this.

I have a 2 year old and he was a textbook baby. He was such a good sleeper and I am so incredibly spoiled. The baby is wreaking havoc on our house.

Good luck and hang in there. I do remember with my 2 year old that as soon as you get them figured out, they change!

Summer

[malialeanne]

Hi Cherie,

Sorry you're having a tough time. Extending naps takes time and patience but it's very worth it. We started extending naps around 10 weeks or so, and by about 4 months she was doing about half of her naps on her own. Now most are on her own and when she does wake it's easy to get her to go back down. Many people find extending naps takes anywhere from a few weeks to a month or two.

For us, the key was getting into her room before she fully woke and patting her at the first peep. If she woke fully it was much harder. Your goal is to ease them into the next sleep cycle using whatever method works for you--patting, stroking, shhhhing, etc.

For 45 min wakeups, Tracy recommends spending the rest of the nap period up to the next feed trying to get them to go back down. If you can't get them to go back down, spend the rest of the time doing quiet low-key A to teach them that this is time for sleep.

Can you post your routine? 11-12 weeks is also prime time to start extending A times. Many people find that this greatly helps naps.