Author Topic: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety  (Read 979 times)

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Offline Ryan&HollysMom

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kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« on: May 12, 2007, 01:38:22 am »
hey there.
my lo has always been on the shy side of things. since he was about 6 mos old i've been taking him to different places like playgroups (always the same 1-2), mother goose at the library and music class. music class is basically 8-12 kids aged 12-36 mos (he's one of the youngest), all girls and he and lots of music, dancing, etc... and he LOVES it! never been shy there. mother goose, he has his moments, will sometimes cling to me, but mostly he interacts wiht the other kids and parents (about 10 kids 6-36 mos). at playgroup he's oftentimes deathly afraid. with the older crowd (0-6 years) he's better than with the young one (0-13 mos) where he's now the oldest and still scared of the other kids. the babygroup is soo small and quiet too,only 4 of us, and that's where it's worst of all. also, he's not been to a birthday party that he liked (3-5 kids there). the last one, his feet never even touched the hardwood cause he held onto me so hard and cried hysterically when we tried to put all the kids together for a picture. i was right beside him....
i always thought it was a noise level thing, but why would he like it at music class then? and why hate the small group and be okay at the bigger group? and he's fine wiht most adults, just doesn't like the other kids, especially when they're his size or smaller.
does this make sense? it's been going on for months....
Claudia-German married to Canadian

and our angel, 10 weeks, 11/19/08

Offline rinajack

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Re: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2007, 02:16:47 am »
Are you aware of any incidents that may have frightened him?

My DD was bitten by another child at daycare when she was about 9mo.  She is now 13 months old, and still very afraid of all children between about 12-24/30 months old.  If they move to quickly, or make too much noise around her, she will often cry - almost like an early warning system LOL.  Aside from this, she LOVES other kids, and is very independant.

So, I guess - was your son ever pushed over, fallen on etc etc? Afraid of a baby screaming?  It need not have been a deliberate incident, but it could be that your son is frightened?  And the small group may be worse because of the age group maybe - if he was accidentally hurt or frightened by a baby?

Other than this, just hugs for you.  I don't know how to make my lo feel better either, except that I don't push her...she does better if I respond to her needs, and let her take her time. :-*
Rina - Mum to Zara 29/3/06
                     Hugh 26/8/07
                     Bree 31/5/10

Offline Ryan&HollysMom

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Re: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2007, 02:52:47 am »
i really honestly can't think of any incident that might have scared  him. i know there is this one boy who's nice, but quite exuberant if you know what i mean. he never did anything to ryan, and ryan's shyness didn't start all of a sudden, just was a more gradual thing. so i guess i just ride it out? i've been very supportive and given ryan all the togetherness he asks for, but sometimes i wonder if i'm fostering this more than i'm helping him. i mean, he cries and gets clingy and i let him sit on my lap or do whatever he needs til he moves away on his own accord. well, i do encourage toys and for him to sit next to me rather than on top of me... but not often with success. i guess i wonder if i'm giving him the feeling that there is indeed something to be nervous about???
Claudia-German married to Canadian

and our angel, 10 weeks, 11/19/08

Offline rinajack

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Re: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2007, 02:59:09 am »
Does he have a comfort item that could help boost his confidence?  Like take his lovey or something?  Otherwise I would be doing the exact same as you.....
Rina - Mum to Zara 29/3/06
                     Hugh 26/8/07
                     Bree 31/5/10

Gigismom

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Re: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2007, 03:19:42 am »
my dd was very similar to this when she was your son's age despite all the playdates, gymboree, group activities, etc.  i did try soothing her the best i could, just like you are describing.

she is now 2.5 years old and still does not like being around kids who are under around age 3 years or so.  she is fine with adults and older kids.  but younger kids she either ignores or if they are too loud/wild/etc for her taste, she will cling to me.  i guess it is a personality thing??  honestly, i don't have any answers, but it does concern me too, so i'll be watching this thread.

Offline Ryan&HollysMom

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Re: kid anxiety rather than stranger anxiety
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2007, 14:48:19 pm »
thanks lindsey, at least i know i'm not alone in this.
Claudia-German married to Canadian

and our angel, 10 weeks, 11/19/08