I do have a bit of a different philosophy around food and meals. I do believe in respecting the choices of you LO but I also believe that at this age we can really influence and shape great eating habits. So for my LO I do have scheduled meals and snacks (with some variation/flexibility of course). I do not offer food at other times of the day, as if I do he is often not hungry and motivated to try new things at meals. I always try to keep in mind that when eating, and this goes for adults and children, hunger is a big motivating factor. This is especially try for toddlers, as often they would rather be running around exploring than eating if they are not truly hungry.
So basically what works for our family is that we do have scheduled meals/snacks. We eat everything at the table, including snacks, so he knows when we are sitting at the table it is "eating" time. It also helps to get him used to sitting at the table, as our family does go out to eat quite a bit so he is used to sitting at restaurants.
I try to serve at least 2 vegetables for both lunch and dinner and always serve them first as an "appetizer" (followed by whatever else we're eating). For breakfast I always serve fruit first, (followed by whatever else we're eating). I do this because he loves his carbs and meat, so if I don't give the veggies/fruit first he will skip them. For your LO it may be a different order.
If given his choices he refuses the food items or doesn't want to eat, I try to respect that. I try not to "bribe" with another food or drink, as I do feel this can set you up for some problems: specifically that you may start to see increased control issues around food and your LO will see some foods as "good" and some as "bad" due to the "bribes". So basically we offer the foods we are eating, and allow him to choose whether he wants to eat those choices or not (it is really his choice anyways despite what we as parents would like to believe LOL). If he chooses not to eat the foods then I respect that and we wait for the next meal/snack. If I think he is hungry I may move the meal/snack up a little bit, but I don't let him graze because he didn't eat his meal.
We also try to make sure there is about 3 hours between each meal/snack without grazing in between. We offer milk with his meals/snacks but not in between (we offer water in between). This really does make a difference in his motivation to eat. Don't get me wrong, we certainly do have special treats and flexibility, just as a general rule we try to follow a basic routine.
We have chosen to do this for multiple reasons. One is a family history of obesity, so it is important to us as a family to set up good habits from the start. I also work as a feeding therapist with many children who have severely limited diets (for a variety of medical/sensory/behavioral/environmental reasons) so I do see firsthand some of the cases where children's diet's are limited to the point where is does affect their health, nutrition, and the family dynamics. So that is a motivator for me.
Anyways, this is just what works for my family. Some family have a much for laid back approach to eating/feeding, and if their LO is eating a good variety and doing well health/nutrition wise then I think to each his own! HTH
