Help With Startling in 4 Month Old

[Anna1127]

Hello:

We have been following the EA_Y method for a long time, with the exception of getting DS to sleep on his own, so I guess a modified version. We have been walking him down to sleep, we follow the sleep signs and when he shows them, we will hold him and walk while singing to him. We both just read the Baby Whisperer book and have decided that is the way we want to go. We are working on getting him into a routine with getting to sleep on his own.

Here is the issue: he is happy and sleepy when we go to his room for a nap, and then lay him down, he is all smiles and snuggles with his ni-night (cloth dipey), and he will coo and gurgle a bit, sucking on his hands and then gets a little fussy after about 5-10 mins. I pat his back and shh him, and he mellows with a few protests and then falls asleep...after about a minute of sleep when he body begins to relax, he startles himself and it freaks him out and he starts screaming. I shh and pat him some more, he cries and protests but falls asleep, and then the startle happens again. I just spent the last 45 mins doing this over and over again until he finally got so hysterical I picked him up and rocked him in my arms and hummed to him. He fell right asleep, I set him in his crib and he has been napping since.

He hates swaddling and it is so hot here I can't even put a blanket on him.  So, I am looking for some advice, and have a couple of questions:

-When I put him down, i always stay in his room out of his sight for a few mins to shh/pat if needed...is this the right thing to do?
-How long am I supposed to let him cry when the shh/patting doesn't work? I have read that pu/pd is kind of a last resort when things are not working. I just don't like him getting hysterical, as I feel like it makes it a bad experience and then he is hard to calm down.
-Am i doing this right!? Sometimes I feel like it just doesn't feel right, but then again I know it takes time to establish the routine. Like I said, I just hate for him to get hysterical, as it reminds me of CIO.

I am committed to making this work, and when he is down he usually stays down for his naps, 1-3 hours. When doing this new technique he seems to go to sleep upset and he is waking more frequently upset.

Any advice would be much appreciated!  We are also in the process of beginning the bedtime routine tonight...I am hoping that goes a bit smoother!  We have the EA part of the process down pat, it's just adding in the S part!  TIA!

Anna

[malialeanne]

Hi Anna! Welcome to the boards! We also started with EA and added the S part later, so it can totally be done. We used sshh/pat for sleep training at 5 weeks and it is very hard. For a week or so it took 45-60 minutes each time, but we quickly got the hang of it and soon we were patting for 30 min, 20, 10, 5, etc. I was SCOURING these boards for stories to give me hope that it would get better, and it did!

Answers to your questions:
Yes, you stay in the room and step up if patting is needed, step back when he's calm, step back up if needed, etc. It took us a while to get to this point, at first we were patting until deep asleep so she didn't wake after we stopped.

You start with shhh/pat to calm them in the crib. Keep at it for a few minutes, but if you feel him getting too worked up you can pick him up, put down when calm, and try to continue patting in the crib. Some 4 month olds may get too stimulated by repeated pu/pd, but it does work for some. It's recommended to keep trying for 45 minutes, take a break if needed, and try again.

Yes, it sounds like you are doing it right! Some los do get pretty worked up, but you are staying with him so it's not CIO.

Can you post your routine? That will help people advise you. Also, I'm going to move this to General Sleep because I think you'll get better response over there.

[Anna1127]

Thank you so much for your response! I did realize I was doing the shh/pat incorrectly, as I was letting him get really hysterical in the crib with crying (he rarely cries so that has been SO hard for me!) now I know to get him in a good calm state before laying him down. I was laying him down and he would get all excited and smile and laugh at me, thus eliminating his sleepy feelings! I will try the right way today for naps!

Here is a sample of our schedule. I do worry that he is not getting enough sleep at night, as he is still waking around the 3AM hour to eat, I try to walk with him and calm him when he wakes then, but he gets very upset, and it seems he is hungry, so when I do feed him, he eats and then goes back to sleep...the little guy eats a ton!  like 42 oz. a day!  My Ped assures me it will taper off as he reaches 6 months!

Routine:

7AMish-Wakes/Diaper change/Bottle
7:30-8:45-A
8:45-9-Calm to get ready to sleep
9-10:30-Sleep
10:30-Bottle
11-12:30-A
12:30-2:30-Sleeps
2:30/2:45-Bottle
3-5-A
5-5:30/45-Cat Nap
6/6:30-Bottle
6:30-8:30-A & Bath + Starting bedtime routine
8:45-9ish-Bottle
9:30-10-Walks to sleep
10-3/3:30AM-Sleeps
3:30AM-Bottle
4:30-6:30/7AM-Sleeps

And it begins again. Today was different, he ate at 7AM and fell right asleep and has been asleep for 45 mins, I have no idea when he will wake up. He usually doesn't do that, but I wonder if he was just tired as he didn't get good sleep last night. Usually he is awake and we play until his nap time around 9am.

SOmetimes I feel like we are on a great schedule, and sometimes I feel like its all out of whack. I know that things will change periodically, and I am ok with that. I am a SAHM, so I am committed to making things work for him.

I think my biggest two concerns are that he is not getting enough sleep at night (with the 3AM wake for feeding) and that we still have to walk him to get him to sleep. He doesn't like being rocked either. Just walked and sung to. He is also rather spirited, in that he will get super sleepy and as he nods off, he gets upset, and cries, and straightens his body out kind of having a fit like he doesn't want to miss something. He does get angry really fast about that. I just hold him and sing to him, and then he finally calms down while "yelling" at me, and even does so as he falls asleep, kind of complaining. Once he is asleep, and I lay him down, he does not wake up, and stays asleep really well for his naps and such.

Any advice on how I can help not only get him to sleep on his own (without the walking to sleep), but to reassure him and make sure he knows his bed is a good place to be? We were co-sleeping part of the night before moving him solely to his crib. he would sleep on his own until 3AM, feed and then come back to bed with me and fall asleep til morning, now he has just changed that to being back in his crib! We are also really working on the night time routine, he has been a little tough to get to sleep with that, takes about a half an hour to get him to wind down after the night time routine with the bath and jammies and such. I feel like we can do this, and he is very flexible, I just need some advice on a few issues and some reassurance I am doing things right!  TIA!

Anna

[malialeanne]

One night feeding for a 4-month old is good! We had 2 night feedings at that age.

Moving to sleeping in a crib is a big transition. I would continue with shh/pat. If you are consistent it will work! It may be the most challenging at that 3 a.m. waking because he's already had some sleep and is less inclined to go back down easily. You could try weaning off the walking by gradually putting him down more and more awake and starting shh/pat right away.

10/11 hours night sleep is average, and like I said at least one night feeding is expected, so it sounds like he's getting plenty! You're doing a GREAT job!