Depressed about short naps

[bethanys mummy]

Hi

my 14 week old has been short napping for about 6 weeks now and its really getting me down. She goes down with a mix of independent and dummy sleep but always wakes after 30 - 40 mins

I try to extend her naps every time. I am usually successful (say 80% of the time) but the second cycle is nearly always fitful (I think this may be her wind problem - does anyone else have this?) and it takes ages to achieve - 10-20 mins sometimes

A time is currently about 1 1/2 hours unless she gets fussy beforehand or extension did not work. Have tried experimenting

I am getting so low over this, its not good for me, my lo or her big sister.

What am I doing wrong? Have tried W2S with no success, ssh pat has little success. What is the difference between 30 and 40 min naps??

Should I throw in the towel and wait for longer naps to develop naturally or do they need to be encouraged??

I really hate to see her overtired at the end of the day but try to spend all day stopping it happening!!

[RachelC]

{{{{hugs}}}} I so understand the feeling

My first thought is that her A time is too long.  1.5 hours is a lot for 14 weeks.  Try scaling that back to 1 hour or 1 hour 15 minutes.

What does her daily routine currently look like?  How are the nights?

[bethanys mummy]

Hi

I thought the 1 1/2 hr A time was about average for a 3+ month old? She is certainly very jolly up to then. I don't get many cues, she is one of those yawn as I wake and yawn later as well babies. Although she rubbed her eyes for the first time today so hoping to get cues from this soon

Routine is hard to post with the varying nap times..... shes on 8 to 8, winding down for 5 mins before sleep, mix of independent and dummy sleep to go off initially.

she feeds every 3-3.5 hours currently

Nights are a mess as she has lots of wind. At best they are restless, sometimes she is up and down allot. But the day after I do try to compensate with shorter A times, earlier bed time....

[BecNZ]

(((hugs))) you could be talking about my DD (15 weeks).

[nwmm]

I am sure the talented ladies will be able to help you with schedules.

The last thing I want to do is to be negative, but it took my lo a long time to be a good napper.  I studied the Baby Whisperer books, this site, and wrote tons of questions.  I tried a lot of the techniques.

Like you mentioned, I think it was encouragement, her body learning to calm down, self soothe, & put herself back to sleep when necessary.

One friend said, do what you can to help your lo learn to nap.  BUT.... at the end of the day don't beat yourself up.  (Some are better nappers than others.  I am convinced of it.  I truly followed every rule & advice, I could. )

So that is my advice to you.  Your lo is still pretty young so if you have it in you try not to give up.  If you need a break then take one for sure. 

Personally, I think you are coming out of the tough stage so keep your chin up!!!!!    You will be getting more sleep so it will be easier for you to keep your patience.  It will get better.  BELIEVE ME.   ::)And, you have a lot of support here!!! 

[Carter'sMama]

Sending big {{hugs}} your way.  We have just started dealing with this (about 2 weeks ago) and it is very frustrating.  I remember going through the exact same thing when DS#1 was about the same age.  I find it really hard having a toddler to deal with as well because I can't devote the time I would like to extending naps.

Like you, it is hit or miss whether or not I can extend and it usually takes about 20 mins minimum to get him back to sleep.  Then it is a fitful sleep.  I am so thankful that he is a good night sleeper.  Whenever he would wake I would always go in and pick him up right away but I found that was waking him up more so it works better if I lean over him and put some pressure on his chest/arms to help with the jolts.  We also use a soother (which I never did with Ds#1).

The last few days I have been really trying to watch for sleep cues as he is also a yawn when he wakes and whenever kind of baby.  I have been getting him to sleep before he starts fussing (after less than an hour of awake time) and it seems to be helping.  I read and re-read both BW books and Tracy seems to blame short naps on too much A time/overstimulation so that's what I am trying to work on.

Keep your chin up!     I know it is draining to deal with short naps but it sounds like you are doing a great job.  I think as long as you are consistent it will kick in eventually and short naps will be a thing of the past.  I think naps/day sleep starts to iron itself out at around 4 months anyway once the 3hr routine becomes a 4 hr routine.  In the meantime, try not to stress about it.  If she wakes early try to extend it and if not, try to be cheerful.  I would always say something to DS#1 like "Ok nap time is over (in a sing song voice), let's go play".  I know when they are this young they don't understand but it seemed to make a big difference in his attitude.  They can sense when you are stressed and it makes them stressed.  I have alreay noticed it with DS#2 when I go into his room after he wakes.  It's as if he is saying "uh oh, I woke up too early and can't get back to sleep and now Mom's here and she's upset and now I REALLY can't get back to sleep because I am too little to understand why she's upset with me" 

Anyway .. long story short    DOn't give up!  You are on the right track! 

[malialeanne]

Hi there. Nap extension is the WORST. I remember those long days where I felt like I never saw the outside of the nursery--doing pat/shhh to get her down for a nap and then going back in 30 mins later to extend!

My dd is very spirited and a touchy sleeper, and it took a while but nap extension did work. After about 4 weeks or so she started doing some naps on her own, then 50%, then all after about 2 months. Yes, it did take awhile, but like I said, she's never been a good sleeper so you might have success much sooner. Every once in awhile she'll still have a short nap, and it usually means A times need to adjust again. For us, naps started to improve after 3 months when we extended A times. She can never get a good nap with a too-short A time. 1.5 hours is pretty average for 3 months. Also, fwiw, if our dd is in a great mood the entire A time, then her A time is too short. She gets tired the last 1/2 hour of A time, not crying, just not super happy. She needs to be tired to take a long nap, and putting her down when she's happy = not tired = short nap.

If it worked for us, it can work for you!!! I set a limit for extending the nap--20 minutes, if she wasn't back to sleep then I would get her up. The thing about naps is that there's ALWAYS another chance to try again very soon! There's too many naps, too many days to get worked up over any one day or any one nap. The short nap stage is short and it gets better soon!

[flump]

Hi there,

I cannot offer advice but am totally feeling your pain.
Daughter has been an awful sleeper from day one. Yesterday I successfully extended all her naps, only to fail to get her down AT ALL at 7pm (up til 10)

Today I have extended 1 nap, but missed with lunchtime (30mins only), and now she has drifted off for her afternoon nap early. It's really soul destroying, and the Y of my easy has all but disappeared. We are staying at home for 7 days to work on this (now day 3). After that I don't know.

Wishing you luck x

[Ydnic]

Hey,

I have no pearls of wisdom to offer about lengthening naps, but I would like to offer huge HUGS about it getting you down.  It sucks, doesn't it?

Hang in there, and take it one hour at a time.

Cindy

[oilerbaby]

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you and just wanted you to know you're not alone...  hang in there and just try to enjoy your lo in the now and know that things will change in time (I know, it's easier said than done - I should take my own advice!)

[bethanys mummy]

Thanks for all for support

Will try messing around with A times but variations to date have not helped

Carters Mum - interested about what you said about also having a fitful 2nd sleep cycle - is your lo windy? I ask because sometimes she just seems so unsettled in that 2nd cycle, its easy to blame wind for everything but it suspect it contributes. So sometimes her extended nap is hardly worth it as the sleep is so fitful. other times she really seems to settle

But the general vote is to stick with extending? That was my main query as I started to wonder that is 40 min naps were natural then perhaps I ought to leave her to it and wait for nature to extend them??

Did anyone know about the why sometimes 40 mins and why 30? I can understand the 40 mins due to sleep cycles etc but not the 30??

[RachelC]

For us, 30 minutes was an indicator of overtiredness while 45 minutes was not enough A time 

[Carter'sMama]

I agree with Rachel.  We get the 30 mins when he is overtired and then when he wakes he lets out this high pitched really sad cry like he is soooo upset that he is awake!  If he wakes and he is grunting and fussy (usually after 45 min like he is currently doing right now) he thinks he is ready to get up!

Sometimes I think he has a fitful 2nd sleep because of gas but other times, esp if he was overtired/overstimulated I think it is because he just can't fully relax and shut his mind off for sleep.  Then I am lucky if he can get through another 45 minutes or so before he is awake again.  It truly is a vicious cycle.  Luckily it doesn't seem to overlap into our night sleep as he always goes down easily and only wakes for a feed.

Good luck!  Let us know how it goes! 

[kazza78]

Hi all,
well i've been battling like crazy to extend my lo's naps! She is 4 months and i have just put her on the 4 hour EASY routine. Everything else is fine but she never naps longer than 30 - 45 mins. I've spent up to 1 1/2 hours trying to ssh pat and PUPD right up until the next feeding time and it's not getting any better which leaves me to think i need to try something else. I stuck to this religously for 2 weeks and i'm now in the 3rd but feel that i cannot keep up with fighting a losing battle. I started getting ill myself it's so emotionally draining.

Does this really work? I'm lucky that she does sleep through the night and wonder why if she can go all night why can't she sleep longer in the day? Or am I doing something wrong?

[oilerbaby]

kazza78 - shh/pat never did work for me... I have been doing the wake 2 sleep for a week today and am seeing some improvement in his naps.  Still not every one but I know he can do it.  There is a great thread on w2s in the naps section (I think it's in FAQ's) I would link you but i don't know how!!!  It's called What is wake two sleep and how to do it. 

Also check out the support thread for 45 minutes nappers.  LOTS of super support there and moms who are just as frustrated as you.  Take care!