(Sorry this is long).
My DD is 11.5 months and seems to be transitioning from two naps to one. I’m having major problems with that, and I’m also having problems getting her to settle at night! It’s turned into a complete nightmare!
We've been on EASY since 3 months, and she used to go to sleep well - I taught her with shush-pat. She was napping at 9.30ish for 1-1.5 hrs and at 1.30ish for 1-1.25 hrs. Wakes at 7am.
About 5 weeks ago she started refusing her afternoon nap most days, occasionally the morning nap. For 2 weeks I tried to limit the morning nap to an hour, that didn’t change anything, so I limited it to 45 minutes for 2 weeks. I got a good afternoon nap once, but other days she still refused it, or slept only 20 mins, or fell asleep in the car when we were out because she was tired from the shortened morning nap. Even nodding off for a few minutes meant she then refused her afternoon nap when we got back home.
In the beginning, when she refused her afternoon nap I’d sometimes take her out in the car. Then I noticed that if she woke later than about 2.45pm, she wouldn’t settle at night (whether nap was in car or at home). It could take till 9pm to get her to sleep. Even 10 mins sleep in the car too late in the day would mean she wouldn’t settle at night. This seemed to be a pattern so I made sure she didn’t fall asleep for the afternoon nap too late. But it was unavoidable sometimes when we were out in the afternoon.
What has changed? 7 weeks ago we went away for a few days, she was really unsettled there and the week after we got back. The next week she learned to sit up, stand and crawl all at once. We had a week of “I don’t want to go to sleep, I’d rather stand in my cot and play”. She cried if I left the room though (SA???), so I couldn’t just leave her to it, so I stayed in the room. She’d fuss and make frustrated noises. Anyway I think she got over that. She had a fever with 2 really bad wakeful nights, later an ear infection but that’s all cleared up (antibiotics), and some teething.
The nights that she just wouldn’t go to sleep, she would just stand up straight away. I’d try laying her down a few times, stay in the room. If I left she’d cry. I was so convinced that it was the too late nap causing her to not settle, that I decided to just bring her out of the room and try again later, figuring she knows how to go to sleep and she just wasn’t tired enough. (Never thought I'd do that). Mostly that was the case. The nights she was awake since before 2.45pm she would just roll over and go straight to sleep.
But it’s just got a whole lot worse.
After 4 weeks of trying to limit the morning nap, I decided it might be easier to just try to slowly move the morning nap later, as in the book. So for the few days I’ve just been trying to gradually move her one nap later and give her a very short catnap in car in the afternoon (if I was out, haven’t done it everyday). We’re up to falling asleep at 10.20am instead of 9.30. I don't want to push it too fast because she was a chronic 45 min napper till 6 months old. And If I put her down too late she can still do a 35 min nap.
I’ve now had problems getting her to go to sleep on a couple of days where she didn’t nap after 2.45pm. And the last 4 days she didn’t get an afternoon nap (didn’t have the car, or took her out in buggy or car and she didn’t fall asleep). So I’ve put her down super-early (6pm) and she’s fallen straight asleep but woken after 30-60 mins, and then been up for hours!!!! One night it was definitely teething, gave medication and she went back to sleep. One night it was a dirty nappy – but she woke up too much. But 3 out of these 4 nights she’s fully woken up and been awake till 9 or 10pm. She was just so hyper, it’s as if the 6pm bedtime was a catnap! We just took her out of the room after trying (so fed up!). When she starts rubbing her eyes again we try to put her back to bed. My DH or I have had to try 3 or 4 times some nights – try every 45 mins or so. I’ve even trying feeding in desperation, knowing she can’t possibly be hungry – with mixed results. I’m wondering if I’ve taught her that if she doesn’t go to sleep she gets to play??? In the past if she woke in the evening my DH would just rub her back and she’d go straight back to sleep. (She still wakes in the early hours most nights, sometimes DH can resettle, other times I feed, but it’s improving, feeds are getting nearer 5am).
I realise she’s severely overtired from being awake so long in the afternoon. I’ve been trying to get her to bed earlier. But it becomes a vicious cycle. If she doesn’t get a good night sleep then I can’t stretch her out much in the morning.
I taught her to sleep independently with shush-pat and since 5 months old it’s worked really well. We had problems at 7 months – she wouldn’t settle at night, it was time to drop the catnap. Am I right in saying that since she knows how to go to sleep herself, it must be something wrong with the routine – i.e. nap too late?
She either rolls over and goes straight to sleep or stands up. If she was happy I’d just leave her to it, but she grizzles and makes frustrated noises. If I leave she screams. I’m not sure if it’s SA, could be I suppose. She’s pretty good during the day - will play by herself for an hour or so in another room. Mid-afternoon onwards needs to be near me.
This WAS the routine:
7:00 wake up (often wakes herself then. Sometimes 6.45)
7:00 BF (wont’ take much if fed at 5am or later)
8:45 Solids - Breakfast
9:30/10:00 Nap (Usually 1¼ - 1½ hrs)
11:30 BF
1:00/1:15 Solids - Lunch
1:30/2:00 Nap (Usually 1 - 1 ¼ hrs)
3:30/4:00 BF
5:45 Solids - Dinner
6:15 Bath
6:30 BF
6:45 Bedtime wind-down
7:00 In Bed. Usually asleep by 7:30
Usually wakes either 10pm (DH resettles) and 5am –feed. Or 2-3am – feed.
What’s happening now:
7:00 wake up (often wakes herself then. Sometimes 6.45)
7:00 BF (wont’ take much if fed at 5am or later)
8:45 Solids - Breakfast
10:00ish Nap (Usually 1¼ - 1½ hrs) Making it later
11:30/12 Lunch
2:00 BF
2:10 Try for nap in car (no luck this week)
3:30 Snack
5:00 Solids - Dinner
5:30 Bath
6:00 BF
6:10 Bedtime wind-down
6:20 In Bed. Straight to sleep.
7:00pm Wakes, can’t settle till 9-10pm. Then feed and sleeps through till 7 (or wakes 1am - feed)
So I’m wondering:
- Why is she waking and not going back to sleep? Have I taught her that if she doesn’t go to sleep she gets to play???
- Is there something wrong with the routine (too late nap) - is that why she won't settle at night?
- Is it SA? Should I go in and out when she cries if I leave? Won't this upset her more?
- Do I need to retrain her with PUPD? I’ve never really used it and I’m not really keen. Rubbing her back usually works these days, till now. She’s not screaming so it’s hard to help her. All the patting/rubbing etc doesn’t work if she’s not really upset.
- Should I persevere with making morning nap later and short catnap in car (will have to get out of house earlier)
I was trying to deal with the nightwakings and making progress…….. But when she won’t settle, that’s far worse!!! Please help, I’m at the end of my tether!!!
