Mari, that is totally hilarious!
I can't stand old people who can't mind their own business and then think they own the entire world. That really gets my goat.
My solution to the gotta go but where do I put my kids. I also use the handy cap stall and in most places around here, that is where the change table is. So, I strap my 1 year old to the table so he can't move and inch. Then I tell my 3 year old to stand in front of the table and tell the baby no if he tries to break free. If I am really quick on the Lou it all goes well.
I was at the Dr.s office last week with both kids and couldn't use my usual tacktics so I sat the 3 year old behind the door, (it has to be the cleanest place, I hope) and then placed the baby between his legs and then told my 3 year old to hang on firmly and don't let go. then I added but don't hurt your brother. That worked OK too but I had to be very quick.