Please help! Don't know where to begin with accidently parented 12 week old.

[Fearless_Strawberry]

Our son's sleep is just terrible. This is taking a toll on my health as I have migraines for which the biggest trigger has always been sleep deprivation. I feel so overwhelmed and depressed about this. I have the Baby Whisperer book (along with every other sleep book ever published). The sleep training that Tracy lays out appeals to me because I think I would not be able to do a strict CIO routine, although I am sorely tempted at 4 in the morning after my third or fourth waking! I am a little overwhelmed with where to start. Here is the current situation with our DS, who is 12 weeks old and a touchy baby.

He had bad colic and was not comforted by any means other than the breast. Not rocking, bouncing, singing. Nothing. So I boobed him constantly. As a result, we have a number of situations:

DS will only go to sleep if breastfed. He must have my breast in his mouth! If I am holding him and the nipple falls out, he will wake up and start to cry. He refuses the pacifier.

We have a pattern of small feeds (5 to 10 minutes) every 45 minutes because of this, as he has a very short window of wakefulness before displaying signs of needing to take a nap. Sometimes he falls asleep instantly on my breast if he is really tired.

He has difficulty with the transition from deep sleep (lasts about 20 minutes initially) into REM sleep and will often wake up. I cannot seem to put him down in his first REM cycle because he is sleeping so lightly. This has led to 1 and 1/2 hour rocking sessions at night to get him to bed.

If I put him in the swing he will sleep for 3 1/2 hours initially and then wake every 1 to 1 and 1/2 hour after that all night long. If we put him in the crib, the longest sleep we get is 2 hours. This has led to me bringing him into our bed so we can get some sleep.

He will only nap on my lap. If I put him down, he will either wake instantly or sleep until the next REM cycle starts and wake up.

I know he is overtired. He is not the only one. This is such a mess. I do not know what to work on first. It seems to me that the main issue is separating the eating from the feeding. It seems like sleep training is in order but he is already so overtired that I worry about never being able to get him down if I start doing p/u p/d for every nap and night waking. He will not be calmed by pat/shush in the crib. What would you start with if this was your set of problems? Sorry this is so long. TIA! Strawberry

[mari]

I'm not very good with very small babies, but want to send some (((((((hugs)))))))))))))) and hopefully someone will have some advice for you soon.  In the meantime, hang in there, you are wise not to try CIO, it will only cause problems in the future.

Good luck.

[Fearless_Strawberry]

Bump!

[valeamalia]

Wow, I'll try to do my best to help you, first, I am no expert but we do have the expert's info at hand here is my favorite interview of Tracy talking about sleeping problems, and she actually addresses problems by age

Sleep – A Q&A Interview with Tracy Hogg
June, 2002

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=451.0

Also try this book is the best of her books because she talks about specific problems and how to solve them
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, (By Teaching you how to ask the right questions)

Now I've read all of the above and I agree with you that the first thing to solve is separating the eating from the feeding, you should try to put him on a routine, EASY routine, and try to keep the routine to at least 3 hours from when you start feeding. Tracy suggests a form of Pu/PD for three months old : "...in addition to the basic procedure..., when you first go in, you may have to reswaddle. Do it while he's laying in the crib. If you can't comfort him in his crib with reassuring words and a soft, reassuring pat, then pick him up. Hold him until he stops crying, but no more than four or five minutes. Don't keep holding him if he's fighting you, arching his back or pushing away from you. Put him down. Again, try to use shush-pat to calm him in the crib. If that doesn't work, pick him up again. On average, PU/PD takes around 20 min to work at three to four months. Luckily even if your baby has developed a habit in response to your accidental parenting, its probably not too entrenched. ...." quote from The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, (By Teaching you how to ask the right questions) page 228.

So, try doing the routine, when LO wakes up in the morning try to give him a good feed, then A time for 30 to 45 min (depends on how tired you think LO is) and then do a wind down routine (Tracy says for touchy Babies a very calm A time and wind down routine) swaddle him (this really works) and put him to bed, then use the Pu/PD that is detailed above. keep doing it until next feeding time, and also to extend naps. I would address daytime problems first because Tracy says that night time will probably work itself out if daytime is OK.

Try this, again I am no expert, but I really want  to help you, Hope it works.

Ana