advice for a 9.5 month old routine

[Bonnie89]

My 9.5 month old is going through multiple changes right now. We've been all over the place with his routine. I feel like I'm adjusting every day to whatever is causing him to be out of sorts. He got two new teeth right around his 9 month birthday (thankfully that should be the end for a while...hopefully). Then separation anxiety hit pretty hard (that has also gotten better thankfully due to advice found on this forum and Tracy's book), plus the occasional doctor appointment at an inconvenient time of the day. I also just weaned him at 8.5 months from BF and EBM to formula. So, now, I really want to get him on track, but I don't know what kind of routine to put him on. Right now he seems to be transitioning from two naps a day to one nap. Then there's potty training which invites its own set of challenges. Fortunately, that is going pretty well, most days. He also just learned to crawl and pull up by himself which is a big exciting thing for him. This is also the time for trying finger foods, a feat he hasn't accomplished yet, but with 6 teeth, he is a pro at chewing, just not at actually putting the food in his mouth. So with all these things, I really feel overwhelmed with trying to put him on a routine.

The only common activities he has each day is at least one nap and a bedtime at 7:30. We have the same routine before each nap and bedtime and it works well for him for now (though some days he is pretty wound up and won't go to sleep straightaway, causing me to use PD method and patting. He's a baby on the go now and can't be bothered with settling down! ;-)) Anyway, his first (or sometimes only) nap a day is 3.5 to 4.5 hours from his initial wake up time. I decided a few days ago that if he woke up before 5am that I would give him a full bottle, but watered down, to encourage him to take in his calories during the day. It worked the other night when he slept from 7:30 to 6am, drank a bottle, went back to sleep until 9. Crazy. Should I have woken him up? He was all out of sorts that day, extra clingy, took one 2 hour nap from 1-3 and stayed up until bedtime at 7:30. Then last night woke up at midnight, had a watered down bottle, slept until 7, had a bottle, acted sleepy so I put him back down until he woke up on his own again 8:30. What should I do? Should I go back to waking him up at a certain time? I know he seems too young to transition to one nap a day but for the past month at least, he has been mostly taking 2-2.5 hour naps and refusing afternoon naps. Because his nap times are somewhat inconsistent, his eating times are also hard to predict.

I'm hoping someone can relate to what I'm going through and tell me what they recommend. I'm good to just roll with the punches (took some getting used to because I love a schedule), and it's hard to know when I should intervene.

Thanks in advance!

Today, our routine thus far:
WU and E 7am (3oz), back to sleep
WU 8:30am
E potty
E cereal
A Play and potty when necessary
E 11:30/45am 7oz formula
A play and potty
S 12:30 (went down easy)

He should sleep for at least 2 hours, if not, he'll be up long enough to take a short nap before bed.

Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem and maybe I'm doing what I should be doing, but with his different wake ups each morning and night and nap transitioning, I'm not sure what to do.

SORRY for the long post and THANK you again! 

[Bonnie89]

Also, he's super fussy some days and extra clingy so I'll think he's tired, but if I put him to bed too early he won't go to sleep. It's confusing.

[Layla]

Hi Bonnie,

Given his age, I do think he's a little too young to be on 1 nap. He's definitely in the transition period but he will probably go between 1 and 2 nap days until he's completely ready to be on just 1 nap. I have attached some links for you to look through and if it were me, I would cut back on those A's and go back to offering 2 naps but adjust the length of the morning nap (if the long am/short pm is your choice) to 1.5hrs so that he's tired enough for a short catnap before bedtime. If you see that 1.5hrs is still too much and he's battling with the afternoon nap, you could try the short am/long pm nap option. During the transition period, you are unlikely to get 12 hr nights and stick to 12hr days and it is normal to have a longer than 12hr day..although you probably don't want it to be too long as he is likely to get even more overtired, which is why its important to limit length of naps to fit everything in .

On a short am/long pm schedule you would aim for something like this:

8am - wake up
11.30-12.15 - morning nap
3.30 - 5pm - afternoon nap
8.30/9 - bed

On a long am/short pm schedule you would aim for something like this (others please feel free to correct as I am not an expert on this option since I've only done the short am/long pm schedule ):

8am - wake
11.30-1 - morning nap (I would wake at 1.5hrs)
4.30-5ish - afternoon nap
8.30 - bed

From 2 to 1 nap transition (10-12m and older)
10/ 11mo sleep gone wonky? Read this first! (2-1 switch)
Sample EASY Routines from 0 - 13mths+
and of course the support thread you are welcome to join us... we're all going through the same thing
Anyone want to talk about the 2-1 transition - #25

It will be a case of trial and error and some days, where he perhaps sleeps in and it is clear 2 naps are a no go, you will do 1 nap but you would probably have to do an earlier bedtime on those days. I personally prefer to wake my LO in the mornings so that we can fit 2 naps in but whether you do or not, is up to you.

Hope that helps a little

[Bonnie89]

Thank you!! I will try shortening his A time. I'm thinking that when I do, he'll wake up earlier on his own, but we'll see. If not, I'll wake him.  I only started putting him down for his nap later because he was fighting it so much. Thanks so much for the support and tips! I'll start getting him on that routine tomorrow. Hubby will be happy to have more time with him in the evening before bed, since his bedtime has been around 7:30 lately, soon after he comes home from work. Thanks again! :-)

[Bonnie89]

Also, one more quick question. Should I be pretty strict with times since I'm getting him on a different routine? Or should I be pretty lenient, adjusting it by 30 minutes either way? Thanks in advance!

[Layla]

With us, dd3 is pretty set on waking up at around 6am. I have a couple of times let her sleep in by not by much... we work on set nap times so we do make adjustments +/-15mins but not really much more than that... but then again I have school runs and dd's afternoon nap needs to end around 3pm so that I can get the girls from school.

Having a routine doesn't mean you can't make adjustments though and on the weekends if we have to go out in the morning/afternoon, I take the pram and hope she will sleep but sometimes she doesn't and I just do a very early bedtime on those days.

[Bonnie89]

Thank you for responding again! It's definitely been difficult to know how to balance between winging it and sticking to a routine. I've learned to relax when things don't go as planned. It has made all of us feel better.

Today, I wanted to check in and say that so far, your routine seems to be going really well! He woke up a little before 7 and drank a bottle, then went back to sleep until I woke him up at 8. I thought he would fight me on going down at 11:30 but it seemed to be the perfect time (not over- or under-tired). Hopefully the rest of the day will go just as smoothly! :-) :-) :-)

[Layla]

How did the rest of the day go?

[Bonnie89]

It went well! He fought the catnap but I got him down with a sh/pat and PD after about 15/20 minutes. He seems cranky when I wake him up, but after he eats he's much happier. He's still waking up once in the middle of night usually between 2 and 4am, and I have been slowly decreasing the bottle (which is watered down anyway) I give him. Soon I'm going to respond to his night waking with sh/pat and PD so hopefully that works! The next day he didn't fight his catnap at all. I've been recording his days trying to find the best times for feeding him/how much. I've looked at sample routines, so I just have to tweak it until we find what works best for him. As soon as we figure it out though, it'll be time to adjust to a new routine! ;-) Thank you so much again!

[Bonnie89]

UGH!! So today he's been eating a lot less and tonight, he only drank TWO OUNCES before bed. I'm afraid he's going to wake up tonight actually hungry. I'm starting to feel like I'm NEVER going to get him to stop eating at night and stick to a regular routine! I think he just really wants solids, because he devours his solid meals. Is that normal? Maybe I should post in the eating section. I am just frustrated and worried that I'm in for a long night. I'll let you know how it goes in the morning! Rant over.

[Bonnie89]

Okay so last night was pretty much the same as every other night. One wake up (this time around 2:30) where he drank a small watered down bottle. Then he woke up around 6:30, so I gave him a full bottle. Instead of going back to sleep easily, I could hear him tossing and turning and by 7:40 he was standing up on the side of his crib. So he woke up early. He's been fussy and biting again so I think he could be teething again, but I still put him down at 11:30. I'm also wondering if maybe he woke up early because I'm putting him down too early for his first nap? Should I keep watching it? If he continues to wake up early, should I increase his A time just a little bit?

Thanks again in advance. I want to try to help other people on this site, but I don't think I'm much of an expert on these matters. You're so wonderful to help!

[Layla]

If he's teething, his sleep is likely to be thrown off a little.... You could try an extra 15mins A but if he's waking up at 6.30am and is then awake for 5hrs, that may actually be too long for him? What time does he take the afternoon nap and for how long and what time is bedtime?

[Bonnie89]

Hi again! I'm sorry to be so late in responding! It's been crazy around here. We're trying to get ready for my in-laws who are visiting this week. Anyway, his routine is going so well! He hasn't woken up early again except for his usual 6:45/7 bottle-feeding, but he goes right back to sleep until I wake him up at 8. He no longer wakes up to eat in the middle of the night. Hallelujah!! His activity time ranges from 3.5 hours to 3 hours and 45 minutes. I still think he's teething, but no tooth yet! I also think he's still experiencing some separation anxiety, so it's just a guessing game as to why he's so fussy sometimes. His sleeping and eating are great though! Yay! Thank you for responding again! I hope you're having a great day!