Am I doing the right thing....or just encouraging?

[pombird]

Hi there

I'll try to keep this brief...

DS is 33 months and has always been a brilliant sleeper.  Over the last 6 weeks, he's gone from waking happily to sobbing upon waking and putting him to bed.  Having tried a range of strategies, for the last week, I've done two things:
1  Cut down or out the lunchtime nap (if he has one, it's 1 hour only)
2  At bedtime, sit outside his door so that when he cries out, I can say, "shh, go to sleep".  This seems to work really well and he falls asleep within 10 mins.

The problem is that for the last week he has started waking at night, calling out/crying.  Up to 3 times a night.  When this happens, I go straight in, rub his back, say, "shh, go to sleep".  He might call out again, 15 mins later, so the same thing. He's wide awake, so I know it's not night terrors

Just wondering if someone can explain to me how this is going to stop the wakings?  I know that it is a much kinder and reassuring way of sleep training....but is it also not teaching him that the second he wakes, if he shouts loud enough, Mum/Dad will come straight in....?  How does the cycle break?

Am trying so hard to see things from his perspective.... I think he's feeling vulnerable at the moment and seems to be frightened of things (hoover, blender, monsters...)  I think the older kids at daycare are doing monster play and DS is obviously quite scared.  He now has a 25 watt lamp in his room and the door wide open (at his request).

Please can someone reassure me that it will work..... I am so so so tired and confused. 

Would really love to hear from you...

Thanks
Sarah

Learner Mummy

[zed]

How close is your room to his?  With my boys, I always try a raised talking voice in response to there calls to me.  Quite often all they need is to hear my voice and then go back to sleep. 

Does your DS have molars coming in?  Could he be waking from teething pain?  One of my friends always thought her boys would wake from growing pains.  Is your DS in a growth spurt?

I think it is good that you are responding to your child I am just wondering if your child would respond to a little more hands off approach.  Maybe instead of rubbing his back just touching a shoulder to let him know you are there at first.  Then enter the room but only use your voice.  Finally, go to the door way and re-asure him from there.  Maybe then when he starts to wake he won't feel the need to have you come to him every time.

These are just my ideas, there might be someone out there who has more exp. than me.

[pombird]

Thank you - I will certainly try that - I had actually considered buying a monitor/intercom so that I could reassure him over that, rather than physically get out of bed several times a night.....

I normally *leap* out of bed as his 10 month old sister sleeps opposite him and the last thing we need is 2 children awake in the middle of the night...

Am not sure about molars - he's been putting everything in his mouth for the last month like he used to when he was a baby and is really chewing on his tshirts/his puppy dog....

Thanks so much for posting, it's great to feel some support!

Sarah

[zed]

I hope you get things figured out soon.  I know what you mean about not wanting to up set a sib that is sleeping in the same room.... In my experience though, it is better to take the time to teach the kids to sleep through the other child's crys.  I have a 15 months old and a 3.5 year old.  I did a lot of AP while trying to prevent waking the other sib.  All it got me was more issues.  When I finally said I'm sorry but you need to learn to sleep through it I was able to get most of my sleep issues ironed out fairly quickly.

One think you could try is to ask your child if he is hurting when he cry's at night.  At 33 months he should at least be able to point to where it hurts.  If he points to his mouth or ears then it is a good possiblility that he is in fact teething. 

All the best