Help - am I doing the right thing? trying to withdraw pat/shush

[deckchariot]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}  it is a long road!  But YAY that he does seem to be making some progress with self - settling.    The constant 37 min wake up to me sounds like a sleep cycle transition.  When he wakes at 37 min - is he crying?  You may want to take a day just to sit in his room and observe what happens as he wakes - so go in a 30 min or 25 min and just watch.  I did that when I did w2s, so I could see what she was doing as she actually woke up, so I could intervene just before she woke up.

Many bubs can be restless sleepers - if he's not crying, I would not intervene.  It's possible that you've been jumping in too early and that's delaying his ability to self soothe.  So even if he's wiggling/squirming etc., I'd leave him - he may be trying to figure out how to settle himself.  Make sure you're not jumping in for a mantra cry but that it's a real "I need you" cry.

The super short A time could just be a result of the super short naps.  He's just not well rested enough to handle a more "average" A time.  It just doesn't sound like he's UT to me.

With the wind down - when you say it takes ages and ages to settle him - what is he doing?  Is it possible he's saying "put me in my crib mom!" rather than "help me calm down".  Some bubs need a super short wind down and would rather sort things out themselves in their bed.  If he's arching his back and screaming, he's already OT and I'd start the wind down earlier.  But if he's just wiggly/squirmy, he may be trying to say that he wants to be in bed. 

Have you tried swaddling?

[mumofjojo]

Hi, wanted to let you know even though it seems difficult at the moment that you have inspired me that shh/pat can work. I've just started shh/pat with my 5 month old ds and as long as I get him before he is too OT he is settling easily and pretty quickly with shh/Pat. But I always have to do it until he is a deep sleep and for naps pretty much all the way through the second sleep cycle. No progress at all with self settling.

So it's great to hear your LO has started to self settle! How did you get there? Would love to hear about the steps you took. Have only heard that you gradually reduce shh/pat but I don't know how to do that. The times I've tried it doesn't work then DS is impossible to settle afterwards.

[mystifiedmum]

Hi mumofzach, I'm probably not going to be of much use here, but I'll let you know what happened with us... We've been using pat/sh since about week 8 (he's now 16 weeks) and he has always been a complete nightmare to settle. When I first posted here I was looking for help with withdrawing all the help but as you say, when you try, it then becomes impossible to settle him. So with all the help above from deckchariot I've been working on trying to make sure he's not OT by cutting back A time and extending naps. Maybe as a result of this, something just seemed to click with him one evening and even though I'd done loads of pat/sh trying to put him down, he wouldn't settle so I took a step back for a breather, his crying changed into what I think is his mantra cry and he then just put himself down. So I guess I can't really offer any advice since it just seemed to be magic!!! Every other time I've done the same (stepping back) the crying has escalated more and more, so I know it wouldn't have worked before now. So I think with him I just had to be patient and let him work it out for himself. Completely what you didn't want to hear??

[deckchariot]

I think that's how it works for most bubs!  We labor and labor and persevere, and then eventually, it works.  I'm always afraid to stop what I'm doing (be it pat/shh or w2s or whatever) for fear we'll be back at square one.  But eventually, it really does work.

[mumofjojo]

Well DS has now put himself to sleep three times. Yay. And you're right it just happened. Then I did the same things the next day and he wouldn't put himself to sleep again so small steps but at least I feel like we are heading in the right direction now.

Mystified Mum, how's it going? Does your LO now consistently self settle? Hope it's working.