Losing confidence

[Pearla]

Hi ladies,

I'm looking for some perspective.   This is my third lo but with a 7 year gap.  Excuse me if I ramble but things are feeling overwhelming right now.

Im stuck in a rut re sleeping.   I know my lo is only 4 weeks,  but he is getting hardly any sleep in the day, and up every two hours at night.

I cannot get him to sleep in his bassinet.   I don't mind Apop in the late pm/evening as I have two other children to attend to.

I would like to try and get the first two naps of the day at home.

I'm breast feeding.   he is not a particularly efficient feeder so feeds seem to take an age.  He also suffers terrible wind. I use infacol and even if I get a couple of burps up,  there is I suspect more.

So firstly I struggle to keep an A of an hour.
When I attempt nap.  I swaddle, white noise, dummy.  I hold him calm and try and place in bassinet when drowsy.  Often he will go in calm.  I continue to shh/part.  He will stay with his eyes open /closing.... This can go on an age,  I stay with him.  Often he will squirm and squirm sometimes his face going red.....  I will sometimes pick him back up and gently wind him,  not usually successful hold till calm and replace.  This process can go on for 45mins at which point I usually give up, or he may fall asleep for 15/20 mins.  I try and resettle but invariably fails.  Sometimes when I pick him up he will get hiccups then getting him back down after is almost impossible,  or he might eventually fall asleep when really it's only 30 mins to next feed?

Needless to say he then does not feed efficiently for next feed.  And the cycle continues. 

Sometimes I salvage a nap with a car ride etc.  Invariably I get nothing done in the time my eldest are at school.

I usually can get one sleep in my arms, but the rest of the day is a disaster.

He sucks like mad on his dummy and I find I'm giving it to him more and more.  I suspect that will become a prop,  as I don't think I'm using it properly.

At night he falls asleep on breast..  I wind him and hold him upright for 20 mins,  and can normally put him back down.   He wakes every 1.5 to 2 hrs.  I feed him, but it feels like he really is mostly self soothing bar one night feed.

He is on losec 4 days as a trial for reflux.   The crib is elevated.  I'm not certain if he definitely has reflux,  but he clearly suffers with wind top and bottom.

I feel disillusioned that I just cannot successfully get him down for even 50% of his naps.  Then if I get him to sleep I feel trapped to his basket to be ready to intercept.   

What should my expectations be at this age.  I just can't remember my other babies.   Other mums are doing dream feeds etc.  I cannot even get a realistic bedtime going. 

I'm loosing confidence in my ability to sooth my own baby.  It's incredibly deflating.   I'm exhausted,  and feel I spend no tome with my other girls as I'm either breast feeding or trying to get lo to sleep.

Please any insights welcome. 😥

[jessmum46]

Big (((hugs))), those early weeks with a newborn are exhausting aren't they?

Just a couple of thoughts....but before you even mentioned it in your post I was thinking your LO sounds refluxy, or at any rate uncomfortable   If that's the case then it is going to be a case of survival - and dropping your expectations right down until your LO gets a little older and more comfortable.  You need to give a trial of meds a decent length of time to work before reassessing things really....also does LO have any other symptoms (eczema/dry skin, green or mucous poos etc) that could indicate cows milk protein allergy?  Reflux and CMPA frequently go hand in hand - and sometimes a trial of dairy (or dairy and soya) free for 2-4 weeks can help decide if that might be playing a part too.  Obviously discuss with your doctor - but something to consider perhaps?

Sleep-wise though even for a well and happy baby I wouldn't expect them to be reliably going down for any naps at all at this stage (unless totally angelic) in the crib, at least not without significant help - honestly my experience with my two was that first time I massively stressed about it, tried for ages, got stressed out, baby got little sleep....then she got it somewhere between 10-12 weeks and was easier to put down.  Second time round I deliberately APOPed naps in arms, sling, pram, whatever and took a way more relaxed approach to crib naps (one nap a day, if that, when I got chance) - and still he got the whole sleep in crib thing around 10-12 weeks.  I just think babies need that help and comfort early on, and it's (imho) too early to be worrying about creating props  

Tracy always said to start as you mean to go on - but my interpretation of that advice was to start with the end goal (of independent sleep in the crib and a predictable routine) in sight, but don't try and achieve it all on day 1.  Or week 1.  Or week 4 in fact!  Celebrate every small step towards that goal, but recognise that progress will happen at different speeds for different babies - and any issues like pain or discomfort in LO might mean you just need to put it all on hold for a while and just take the path of least stress until you are all in a position to move forward again. 

You might find this helpful - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65742.0 (even if LO doesn't have reflux it may be helpful for an unsettled LO)

Hope you find something there that helps you.  You are doing a brilliant job