Having a nervous breakdown...

[A pair of Charlies]

Hi Joey's Mom

On my first nipper so no advice to offer you. Just hugs and hopes for you - wish I could help.
Hope things turn around for you soon.

Charlotte

[Joey'sMom]

Thank you Brooke...you are helping so much.  Thanks to everyone, I wish I could really get those hugs (how needy am I??).

I'm a bit reassured by your saying it's just the OT--I feel like it's a problem I can solve as opposed to just, "He's not a good napper."  Or even worse (and what my inlaws say), "He's not a good sleeper."  I just will not be satisfied by that, and though I've never met her, I can't imagine the original Baby Whisperer herself would have accepted that, either. 

This morning, I think I missed the window, but then I put him in at a time that my DH insisted was "just too soon," and Noah has been sleeping for 13 minutes.  He settled himself, and my fingers are crossed.

Now if I can get through this, I'll need to work on getting some rest.  I don't want to have this short fuse anymore!

[marensmama]

Hayden is a touchy/spirited refluxing LO too, so I know how much of a challenge it can be.  And I also had a toddler whose room was right next door... it was hell.  The key word there is 'was'.  It does get better, I promise.  By the time the new LO is four or six months old, your life will be a lot more fun.  Getting to that point is tough, though, so I feel your pain.

FWIW, I shower at night once the girls are in bed.  Works well for me and I put makeup on/ do my hair during Hayden's first nap.

Is it possible that you could explain to Joey that you need his help with the baby?  That he can either sit in his room and play quietly or read books OR stand quietly at Noah's door and watch you put him to sleep.  That the reward for that great behavior is something with your undivided attention while Noah is sleeping?  If you get Joey in on the act, then you won't be wondering what he's up to while you're in the nursery.

As Noah gets older, he'll learn to tolerate some noise... Hayden has.

Touchy/spirited LOs tend to not like much wind-down.  H has patience only for swaddling and turning the blinds.  Maybe shorten that wind-down a bit, it might be too much for him even though it's already so small.

Is his reflux under control?  The screaming at sleep times usually means OT, but it's possible that he's in discomfort too, in which case sleep training will not work, it will only frustrate both of you.  Given your routine though, I think he's definitely OT.  Hopefully this morning is better.

I hope your day goes OK today.  Sometimes when I'm expecting the worst, I'm pleasantly surprised.

Let me know how it goes.

Just posted as you did, FWIW I don't believe there are babies who aren't good sleepers.  It may be naive, but if I can turn my touchy/spirited refluxer into a 2 hour napper with a 12 hr night (OK, so she still wakes once, but she goes right back down), I think it just takes work and patience.  Some babies are short nappers, but they are happy with that amount of sleep, so I consider that a good sleeper too.

[texasmom]

I'm a bit reassured by your saying it's just the OT--I feel like it's a problem I can solve as opposed to just, "He's not a good napper."  Or even worse (and what my inlaws say), "He's not a good sleeper."  I just will not be satisfied by that, and though I've never met her, I can't imagine the original Baby Whisperer herself would have accepted that, either.

I don't think it's that he's not a good napper.  More likely could be that he is sensitive to becoming OT.  It's so annoying when people make negative generalizations - "He's not a good sleeper."     That kind of negativity really got me down when I was going through the stuff with Claire.  I had difficulties with Collin too.  I think both of them are pretty good sleepers now.  I'd like a routine with Claire, but we're doing ok.  I really think a lot of the problems that people have with kids' sleep are problems that can be solved. 

This is in the E.A.S.Y. section of the website, but I thought I'd copy/paste it here for you:

Here is a general guideline of what you can expect regarding awake time for your lo: (remember some babies get a little more, some a little less. It's just a rough guideline)

Awake time for babies
Newborn 50-60 mins
1 month 60 mins-hour and 15
2 months 1 hour and 15 - 20 mins
3 months 1 hour and 20 - 30 mins
4 months 1 hour and 45 - 2 hours
5 months 2 hours - 2.25 hours
Late 5 months/early 6 months 2.25-2.5 hours
6.5 - 7 months 2.75-3 hours. Some are getting more.
8 - 10 months 3 - 4 hours. Some are getting more.
11 - 12 months 3.5 -4.5 hours. Some are getting more if moved early to 1 nap

***Remember these are guidelines, NOT rules, so if you feel that your baby is not yet ready for these A times, please do not force them, as this will cause further problems***

Claire was always going longer than the A times posted above, but I thought it'd give you somewhere to start.  So you could start with 1 hour 15 min A time (after a good nap, shorter for a short nap), and if that is not long enough, increase in 5-10 min increments. 

Now if I can get through this, I'll need to work on getting some rest.  I don't want to have this short fuse anymore!

 

Oh my... once I started getting more sleep, I wasn't a raving lunatic anymore!  If there is any way you can get sleep, get some!  It will make your world a whole new place!!    

I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better. 

x Brooke




 

[texasmom]

I was thinking later, are you able to read sleepy signs?  I assume that all LO's are as difficult to read as mine!

[Joey'sMom]

Yesterday was a much better day, though from the bday party he was a bit OS (both boys were, actually) and it was a less than perfect night.

Today, I got Noah in for a pretty decent nap first thing in the morning, BUT not so much luck at midday.  With Joey, I was amazing at reading cues, and always got him into nap before the "too-late" mark.  However, with Noah, it just seems like one minute he's cooing and smiling (he's actually quite silly, it's cute) and the next minute he's almost asleep.  Joey and I were playing with him, and then I left to go to the bathroom, came back, and his eyes were little slits.  I got him upstairs right away, but it was too late.  He did sleep for about 30 minutes, but then the whole running up and down the stairs cycle began.

I tried to just take him downstairs and give him 10 minutes of awake time and then retry the nap.  He was furious.  So I just rocked him until it was time to eat, and then he ate, and became sleepy almost instantly.  I rushed him to the crib again, but again, it was too late.  This time though, I walked away and waited longer, and he fell asleep.  Fingers crossed again!  Unfortunately, that walking away bit only works one out of ten times.  Sometimes I walk away and he just cries and cries. 

I know I'm just learning how to make this work, but it's tough.  And then there's the fact that my beautiful, beautiful 3 year old stands at the back door looking completely forlorn and sad because he wants to go out and play, and I'm too busy working on naps to be able to take him (we live on a busy road and can't afford to fence in). 

But having you guys is making a huge difference in my sanity.  It's also helping me think more about what I'm doing...I'm actually writing the next post in my head as I'm working with Noah.  I'm very grateful.

[texasmom]

Mary Pat,
Where do you live?  Just curious...  U.S.?  I was thinking you lived in the U.S. 

Anyway, I know EXACTLY what you are going through.  I felt like everything had to be PERFECT (timing, etc) or Claire could not sleep well.  It was MADDENING.  I wonder if some LO's are like that in the beginning or if it's something we do or don't do.  I had to stop wondering that, though b/c it was making me crazy that I could not time the naps JUST right.  I just started GOING WITH IT!  Whatever happened.  If it sucked, it sucked.  Oh well.  Seriously, what can you do?  You are working at this really hard, so don't be hard on yourself.  I think babies can be hard to figure out.  The older they get the easier to figure out what they need, IMO. 

That said, I was usually too late too.  Claire would smile and laugh all day on no nap!  A blessing, really and nothing to complain about.  I discovered that I had to use the clock.  Then for a while I was too early!!  Ha!    I also found that the first nap went really well, and the day fell apart from there.  I think b/c they get more and more tired as the day goes on.

So for Claire the first A time has always been the shortest.  Then if she took a good nap (1 1/2 hours), she would have an A time a BIT longer.  But if a short nap, the A time needed to be decreased by about 30 min.  (She's not like that now.  If she sleeps 40 min and wakes happy, she can go the full A time.) 

About your forlorn little 3 year old...  I could not have felt guiltier about leaving mine.  And the babysitters, etc, etc, etc...  Just please try not be sad.  He is learning important life lessons.  Give him all the love you have when you're not working with Noah, and let him learn to understand that he does have to let you love Noah too.  It's good for him to learn that.  I think it's worse if we grow up thinking we are the center of the world. 

Hang in there.  I think if you can figure out what A time Noah needs, things will get better.  I hope I'm giving you the right advice!!  I know all bubs are different, so I can only go on my experience. 

x
Brooke