Thank you all again.
I have tried many of your great suggestions. Both boys have air purifiers in their rooms which act as great white noise. With Joey, I have sat him down many times and given him the talking to, and when he does bad things it is definitely handled. I am a teacher, so I am pretty familiar with all that.
As far as the awake time in the morning, that's pretty much the way it has to be if I want to shower. And it's worse today, just as an example, because Noah woke up at 6, and he doesn't eat until 8. So now he's going to be up for 2 hours, eat, and then what? It's Joey's 3rd bday party today, and we're in a new house, so there's a lot of work to do. I'm pretty much just expecting a bad day. Awesome.
Anyway, I definitely try to work on Noah's sleep during Joey's nap, but their rooms are very close together and I fear that the screaming will wake Joey (it usually does). Two OT boys is the last thing I want.
Noah has mild reflux and he's very happy after he's been fed. He does seem to be a bit spirited and VERY touchy. He did well on the schedule for about three weeks, but now he's just anti-nap. I was laying him down and walking away and it was great and I thought, "I am SUCH a baby whisperer." But now, well, things are a mess. And having a babysitter is not working out right now because our baby sitters are a bit underqualified and no matter what I ask of them they seem to just think Joey running wild is okay. If I push it with them, I'll probably start crying or yelling so I just have stopped asking them to come.
As for Noah's wind-down, we do very well at night when Joey is already in bed. It's mostly because my head is clear enough then to think and do things that make sense. As for wind-down before naps, I have been turning out the lights, turning the fan on, and then slowly tucking him into his swaddle sack, explaining the whole time, "Now I'm making you all snug, I'm tucking in your foot, now the other foot...It's time for your nap now," etc.. Sometimes, if he gets really crazy, I undo his swaddle (which tends to enrage him when he's fighting sleep) and then re-do it to relax him, but it only works about 30% of the time. He usually falls asleep right away, and then wakes anywhere from 10-45 minutes later. Then I go in (I'm not in a medical state to be running, unfortunately). I sh-pat, I pick up, put down. I snuggle. I get desperate, and I rock him. Usually, he just keeps crying. Even his mantra cry leads to melt-downs.
At this point, my 3YO starts running thunderously downstairs, screeching or singing loudly. We have the TV on, but he's not really satisfied by that when he knows that I'm upstairs occupied by someone else. I tell him, "Sit right here till Mommy comes back," but even I would start to wonder afte 30-40 minutes has passed.
