Ta-daaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!
A fair bit of searching but now found! But it is long... it's copied and pasted from another thread so it any references to *you* might be a bit wrong... sorry for not carefully re-edting.
Might be worth taking a peak at the thread it was posted on before as Mashimaro shares her GW experience there too:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=146933.0Here's what we did. First of all, I very very very gradually started doing less and less of the things to get him to sleep. So, say when he was holding my hand to go to sleep, I gradually started removing my hand a little before he dropped off to sleep. Yep, he'd protest a little but I kept going, very gently. Shhing or something else. Went on like this for a while to get from me lying next to him with my arms through the bars literally stroking and holding him to sleep, to him sleeping with me next to him or my hand on his chest.
Then moved him into his own room (he had been in a crib next to my bed up until 7 months). In this move, I moved to his room with him. I put a douvet folded up on the floor and then another to wrap myself in. Lay next to him for all naps and through the night for the first day. I just did whatever it was we were currently doing to help him to sleep (hand on chest or something).
For the next day, I stayed with him while we fell asleep for naps, then left. Again at night, I stayed with him until he fell asleep initially, then when I turned in I went and slept in his room, gave DF and curled up on his floor to sleep so that any NWs he knew I was there.
I slept on his floor for a week. After the first few days I did go back to my own bed for a few hours, but once he'd had NW I stayed with him. During this time, I tried to do less and less to help him to sleep. So eventually, it was just my being there that was the prop. With milestones such as standing (all the time during the night) and teething and rotten coughs and colds, GW didn't progress much for a while. He was always going into bed awake though. Always.
Then I found a 2 week GW plan and we commited to putting it in place over the Xmas break while we were both off. It went like this:
* I honed down my bedtime routine so that it was always always the same. Tidy away toys, upstairs for play while I run the bath, bath and then a 20 / 30 min WD routine of teeth brushing, drying off, putting on PJs, story, (music now starts & light set to dim on timer), BF then into bed ending with Good nights and prayer.
* Days 1, 2 & 3: I stayed next to DS as he went to sleep. I didn't make up a bed on the floor. I sat next to him on the floor, said 'time to sleep now'. And stayed there until he went to sleep. If you've got a chair there, sit in that. I think the crying went on for almost an hour the first night, on and off. Heartbreaking but I was there the whole time and comforting him. Just not the way he was used to going to sleep. So, he'd cry cry cry (standing ). I would comfort by soothing him with my voice, stroking his cheek briefly but I didn't pick up - up to you though, just be consistent in putting them back in bed awake.
With my DS, my main trouble was that he would stand up the whole time. So I would keep patting his mattress where his head should be, saying 'lie down'. I used to lay down on the floor next to him previously so I was confident that he knew what he should do.
So he would cry cry cry. I would stick to key phrases 'lie down' and 'time to sleep' and say nothing else. Sometimes I would say nothing for a track or 2 of his music, so it was quiet. I was there, next to him. Reassuring, just not talking (because that isn't what you do when you're trying to sleep).
Over the first few nights, I moved a little away from his crib. Only tiny amounts as the evening drew on, but by the end of the first phase, I was in the middle of his room (it's a small room) sitting on the floor. I would still crawl forward to pat his mattress and say lie down. When he lay down, I would comfort him (stroke his head a few times) and plenty of praise (good boy, clever boy) and then 'time to sleep', sneakily and gently moving back a little to my base (point in the room where I thought I should be).
Right, then was on to the next few nights. BTW, the crying was lasting less and less by this point and he was lying down more frequently and with less fuss.
* Days 4, 5 & 6: Did pretty much the same as before, but tried to speak less and less, leave it longer until I patted his mattress to encourage him to lie down and over these 3 days I moved closer and closer to his door until I was pretty much there by day 6.
* Days 7, 8, 9: Sat by the door (make sure that they can still see you). At this point I tried to do even less talking. My aim was to be saying and doing nothing at all, but reassuring him by my being there but caved and continued to talk to him (key phrases over and over) but waiting 4 mins or so between saying anything sometimes. By day 9, I was sat in the doorway (on the other side of the door but where he could still see part of me from where he was).
* Days 10, 11 & 12: the plan was to be leaving him in the room awake at this point and only coming back if he cried. But didn't seem right for me at the time - he still seemed to need reassurance. So I sat on the other side of the door, popping my head around the door now and again to reassure him that I was there, repeating my phrases now and then. Leaving once he was asleep.
* Days 13 onwards: I would put him down to sleep in his bed following his routine, say good-night and leave. I'd leave the door fairly ajar, so he could see light and I could bob my head around it if needed. I'd do a few chores upstairs while he settled - folding washing etc in another room. Every now and then, I'd go to his door and say my 'lie down' (if I thought he was standing) or 'time to sleep'. Would usually settle within 10 mins, and usually wasn't crying so much as blowing raspberries etc, grizzling towards the end (when I'd reassure that I was still around).
We did great with that for a while then he regressed when he got ill. Wouldn't go to sleep and I ended up having to sit on the other side of his door for 20 mins a night while he cried out on and off. Sticking to your guns is pretty key.
Recently, he's got fantastic at this. I leave him in the room, door ajar and he'll babble away having a crib party until he goes to sleep. I've heard it all go quiet a few times and bobbed in to check on him / shut the door a few times only to find him lying there, eyes open patiently waiting to go to sleep!! Hurrah for Charles!!
If he woke in the night: I would do the usual to resettle him (meds, comfort, sip of water, etc) then would slowly leave the room when I was sure he had what he needed. I would sit on the other side of the door, bobbing my head around it when needed. This took a lot longer to work - and still is an issue for us now from time to time when he wakes. I ended up sleeping on the landing floor many many many times (v. uncomfortable) as was sat there so long saying 'time to sleep' etc that we'd both eventually fall asleep. And he'd wake crying not long after to go through it all again.
But as time has gone on, that has got better. Colds, conjunctivitis, coughs, teething haven't helped with this.
What else?
Erm...... up until day 13, I left only once he was asleep. I worked on making his room friendly and familiar. So I'd let him play in there more in the day (but I won't keep toys in there) and really explore it so that he knew it, was comfortable and confident there and felt he 'owned' it. I made sure that it was light enough for him to see in there when he woke, in case he was scared. So a nightlight (I have a groegg thermometer that's a light too). I also put a little extra heater in there so that when our heating goes off, the little one comes on and keeps the room temp consistent all through the night. Just so I could rule out cold as a reason for his waking really.
I leave the door ajar while he nods off, and I keep a little light on in our bedroom (so there's light outside his room too).
...
I wasn't a fan of his crying which is why I worked on really delicate gradual withdrawl initially until I felt he could lie down to sleep without much assistance from me and that it was just my presence that he was relying on. If that's what you're aiming for, then sounds like you're making great progress.
When we did GW a little more aggressively (the 14 day plan I had), the crying was initially hard. I'd recommend buddying up with DH. So pick a time limit for yourselves that you can cope with, then they come and take over at that time if needed. Say 20 mins after bedtime and still crying, DH comes up (already arranged) and swaps with you, doing the exact same thing. You go take a break, recharge. If another 20 mins passes and still crying, you swap with DH again. And so on. Really helped us in the first few days.
I guess what's important to remember is that they are crying because this isn't what they are used to. By not caving in, you are making it clear to them that this new way is okay, not to be frightened, and not going to change. Consistency or they get confused and the effort (their's and your's) is for nothing. By being in the room, initially right next to them offering physical and verbal comfort as needed, you are reassuring them. And that shouldn't break their trust.
How does that all sound so far to you? Do you feel you've got ideas from us that you can work with? Do you feel supported (here and IRL)?
What do you think?
Charlotte
