SO tired - 13 month old will NOT sleep

[Joy-filled]

Hugs.  It can be so frustrating trying to figure out their sleep.

Short am, long pm didn't work with my DS.  It's too soon to tell if that's the case for your DD but if it does end up being that way, may you know you're not alone.  I tried it for over a week on two separate occasions (10 mths and 11.5 mths I think).  I tried it because with a "long" am nap the pm nap was a regular gong show - he'd resist and scream and scream no matter what A times I used.  But it didn't get better when I tried to switch to short am long pm.  With a short am nap he'd still fight the pm nap and then only short nap that one so we'd end up with two 30 min naps in the day and still the pm nap drama.  It was so frustrating!  It could be that your DD is similar to my DS  .

Can you remind me?  How old is your DD now? 

[fellianne]

She's just now 14 months. She never did nap. I tried for nearly an hour. She woke today at 7, napped 30 min, and was asleep at 6:30. Long, long day for both of us. I had to rock her to sleep for that nap. She was fighting tonight and I held her until she was falling asleep and put her in bed. I had to keep my hand on her back until she was asleep. Are we moving backwards?

[Shdef]

She was fighting tonight and I held her until she was falling asleep and put her in bed. I had to keep my hand on her back until she was asleep. Are we moving backwards?

You are a bit. 

With holding and rocking, there is very little chance you will get a good nap. The catnapping thing didn't work for us either at that age, it was a 1.5 hour nap in the day and a 13 hour night at that age. It slowly shifted to 2 hour naps and 12.5-13 hour nights, but never with rocking or buggy naps (though we had to do loads of buggy naps, not because he wouldn't sleep, but because we were outside so much or travelling/commuting).

[fellianne]

This is definitely hard. Thank you for all the advice!!!!

[fellianne]

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Yesterday I had her in her bed for a nap at 4.5 hours after AM wake up time. She screamed and fought for 1.5 hours!!! We took a break after about 45 min. She had a snack and stayed out of her room for about 15 min. Then we read a book and tried again. She would not go to sleep and just screamed. I finally held her and she was asleep within 3 min. So today, I had her A time be 4.5 hr again. She's been screaming and fighting. And she is soooo tired. She had a rough night. We've been at it for 35 min. I sing, go in to calm when she is really screaming, and right now she is just sitting in her bed. I don't know gets else to do. She is so stubborn!

[Shdef]

One-year-olds are rather smart. She knows that if she screams long enough, she will be held to go to sleep and will not not make an attempt to settle herself. Daytime sleep and nights are completely different and require different training, too.

She might be doing well at night, but know, that if she fights long enough at a day time nap, she will be held and APed to sleep, so she will keep doing it if you keep giving in.

Try a bit more lovey-play and talk about naps with the lovey. Put her down only for one nap and don't give in, don't hold her to go off to sleep, as you will be guaranteed a shorter nap and an OT baby.

What worked for you was gentle removal, so sit next to her for nap and then move away, she has to fall asleep independently to ensure a good nap and no fright or fear when she wakes after 45 min or an hour.

How are the nights now?

[fellianne]

Nights are pretty good! She woke a lot last nt but I think it was teeth. I gave her Advil before her nap today. I'm getting ready to go in and sit by her bed. We've been trying for 1 hour and 15 min so far. Makes total sense about the day and teaching her that I'll eventually pick her up. I just peeked in and she's figured out how to reach her laundry hamper and she's quietly pulling all the laundry out now. Funny, but frustrating.

[fellianne]

So how long do we do this? Until she's asleep? She's playing in her bed and then she'll cry a bit and then play some more. She is soooooo tired.

[fellianne]

And she keeps throwing her lovey out like it's a game. Should I just keep giving it back to her?

[Joy-filled]

No, don't give it back to her.  My DS did this too and soon enough he learned that if he throws it out he's not getting it back.  It took about 2 weeks but it's now been a good month and a half since he's last thrown it.  If you give it back to her she'll learn that's how she can get interaction from you and/or get you back in the room.

[fellianne]

It's been 2 hr and 20 min. We took a break for diaper, snack, water and snuggled and read again. I put her in her bed and stayed. I finally had to walk out cause she was just laughing and trying to get my attention. Now she's crying. This is so hard!

[Joy-filled]

Wow....she sure is persistent.  But I understand.  My DS was too but he now goes to sleep independently 100% of the time.  TBH I think you're going in too much. I wonder if WIWO is better than GW?  GW did not work with my DS. My presence in the room was very unhelpful for him, even though he "wanted" it.  He'd would scream furiously with anger but it was really important to not give in to the temper tantrum.  It has to be an "I need you" cry for you to go in.  If you do decide to stick with GW I think you need to interact with her less. Otherwise, she's going to learn she can just scream sing, soothe, give her back her lovey, etc.  It's much harder when it drags on for 2+ hrs because you're giving her mixed messages telling her both that she can do this on her own, but then interacting with her which tells her that you're going to help her.  I don't know...just my thoughts.  Feel free to disregard.

You're doing well but I do think you need to pull back your interventions  .  What do you think?

[fellianne]

She's got a bit of a strong will. It took 3 hours but she is asleep. Her lovey is on the floor. Did that go on too long? I was afraid to give in and have her think I always would. But my heart was breaking. I do think I intervened too much. I won't go in as much. It makes sense that she is confused. I wish this was easier!! She goes down much easier at night. Thank goodness! Why is that?

[fellianne]

I truly, truly cannot thank you ladies enough for taking your time to help moms like me! You are amazing!! Thank you!!

So, after the miserable nap situation on Friday, she has proved immensely. She went to sleep Friday night with no fussing at all. Saturday she fussed for 15 minutes in her bed for her nap. Then slept for 1.5 hours, woke and fussed for 10 minutes, then slept 45 more minutes! She fussed for 15 minutes at bedtime. Today she napped for 3 hours!!!! She woke at 1.5 hours and fussed for about 10 minutes then slept for 1.5 more hours!! I definitely think I was intervening too much. She still wakes a bit at night, but resettles herself. I hardly have to sing or anything. I didn't think we would ever get here. I really hope it continues.

[Shdef]

You are doing amazing! That is good news. Kids don't like going to sleep in one situation (like being held or rocked) and then stirring or waking in another (alone in their cot). Gives them a  fright, rightly so.

Imagine you fell asleep cuddled into something and then woke somewhere completely different.
Self soothing is the key, so is getting there with as little trauma as possible, but also with less and less intervention.

The more consistent you are, the better she will sleep. But there will always be small relapses, like illness, teething, separation anxiety when it starts again.