Good napper gone bad!

[sherilee]

Hi all
My 26 month old ds used to go down so easily for his lunchtime nap but the last few weeks are getting more and more difficult. Today he screamed the place down for over an hour, every time I left the room he went mad and its like this every day. Ive tried night lights, leaving the door open, sitting in a chair next to him ( he just starts chatting to me!), standing outside his door and reassuring him and wi/wo which just makes him laugh and think its a game. Ive a new baby coming in three months and I really want him to keep his nap but I dont know if its a losing battle. He will still sleep in the car but not buggy or bed. ive even tried changing his times both earlier and later!
Please help!

Thanks, Sherilee xxx

[momofclaire]

Sherilee,
Can you post his routine?  It seems that many kids his age are trying to drop that nap.  I have seen quiet time work really well.  You can take him to his room and tell him that he can read or listen to music but that he must rest.  Generally they fall asleep but if he doesn't everyday it will still do him some good (and you)  to have quiet time.   I also wonder if he sense that there is a change coming and is reacting to that. 

[Layla]

Sherilee - he might need more A time... what does his day look like?

[sherilee]

Hi

His day is something like this

7.15-7.45 wake up, have breakfast, get dressed
9.30 either go out for a walk/visit friends or play in garden/with toys at home
10.30 small snack
11.45 lunch
12.30 upstairs for sleep (ha!), get a nappy on and read a bedtime story and cuddle for ten mins
1.00 spend an hour trying to get him to sleep then give up.
2.00 come downstairs and either play or go out (if we go in car he will fall asleep grr!)
3.00 small snack
5.30-6ish dinner
7.00 bath, book and milk
7.30 bedtime but we have to lately either sit in a chair next to him or go in about 3 times before he finally goes to sleep around 8ish

Hope it all makes sense! I must say that one day last week he went mental with his friends in the garden for a few hours and did sleep that day but we cant see people every day and there are not toddler groups every day. I cant really run round with him either at nearly 7 months pregnant so a bit stuck on what to do.

Cheers
Sherilee

[Layla]

Could you try tiring him out by taking him to the park & giving him the chance to run around there?
Also if he wakes at 7.30am then it could be that he needs close to 6hrs A time to be tired enough for a nap. At 26months Isabella was doing 6.5hrs A time... fairly long but it worked really well for us. Any earlier & she was playing around rather than falling asleep. So I would try for a nap at 1pm & maybe even 1:15-1:30pm

Also when you say that you spent 1hr trying to nap him what do you mean? Do you sit there with him or do you put him in cot & leave & then keep coming back???

[sherilee]

Hi

He is in a big bed now as he is a very long child and was kind of couped up in the cot! He was doing really well sleeping in toddler bed with side bar to stop him falling out and then it suddenly went all wrong. Ive tried all sorts, staying in there one day, wi/wo for a few days etc. At first the staying in there worked but then he started just laughing and chatting to me instead of getting sleepy so i decided it was a bad idea to stay in there. Ive also tried standing outside his room and reassuring him every few minutes as he gets upset when I leave. Thing is, by his night bedtime now he is so over tired he is running around like a lunatic and takes ages to settle down - hence stressfull evenings!

Sherilee xx

[Layla]

Have you tried giving him books & talking about quiet time? Like Myia said he might not fall asleep but at least he is getting some break (& so are you). Would he stay in the room then?

Believe me.... I understand about the stressful evenings!!! Isabella is no longer napping consistently. Sometimes she'll sleep for 30mins, sometimes 45mins & yesterday she fell asleep with her dad on our bed. Some days I've been reading to her until she passes out & some days I've put a video on for her (if I'm with #2 & busy). We do dinner waaay earlier on the days she doens't nap (like 3.30-4pm) because any later & she can't handle it. Then we do a super long bath & bedtime routine, supper before bed (porridge or toast), milk & bed at 6pm (she's out like a light at 6pm). So I keep things fairly low key towards the end of the day (since she is already running on adrenaline from no nap) & I put her to bed super early. She wakes at 6am. Try bumping everything up & aim for him to be in bed already by 7pm

[sherilee]

I tried reading to him yesterday and he was just ging absolutely mental running around like a maniac. Me and hubby ended up having a massive argument as he says he no longer needs to nap, well he isnt the one who will be home all day with a new baby and a toddler  . In the end I had to get to get him up again after an hour of trying to settle him as he had pooed. I dont think he heard us arguing as we kept it pretty low key as I dont like him hearing rowing, shouting etc. He then fell asleep in the car at 4.45! I woke him staright away and he didnt grumble or anything and ate his dinner fine at 6. Bathed him at 7.15 and put him to bed and then at 8 I had to go in and sit in the chair by his bed till he fell asleep and then again at 4.30 this morning. Luckily he went back to sleep till 8.15 and so did I cos I was knackered! I feel like Im losing control of the situation and its not helping that dh doesnt want us to put him to bed in the day anyway, I feel like Im fighting a losing battle and I really dont know what to do now! Should I just keep trying and hope its a phase?

[Layla]

Ok.... this sounds VERY familiar cause as I mentioned my 29mo is doing something very similar & I am sorry you are going through this at the moment

I feel like Im losing control of the situation and its not helping that dh doesnt want us to put him to bed in the day anyway, I feel like Im fighting a losing battle and I really dont know what to do now! Should I just keep trying and hope its a phase?

No, it wouldn't help that your DH thinks he no longer needs a nap. Even though for the last 3 weeks my 2.5yo has been trying to convince me she doesn't need a nap... I KNOW she needs something (even if its a 20min catnap) to get her through the evening. The tantrum-like behaviour towards the end of the day (& sometimes as early as 9am) told me she needed a nap.

He does seem a little young to be giving up altogether. What time did you try the nap yesterday? Have you tried putting him down slightly later so that he is a little more tired? When Isabella is up from chair & running around or jumping around when I am reading, I simply STOP & tell her... "I am here to help you relax & if you don't want me to be here reading to you, I can leave". I stand up & usually at this point she will lie down again or sit down & will listen. Its not that she HAS to listen to me but if my reading is causing her to get excited rather than relax then whats the point (if you know what I mean).

I would definitely keep trying for a nap OR some sort of rest. He has reached a stage where he is trying to get some control of his life (well mine is) & with us it was simply a matter of her being stubborn & her gaining control. She would wake up & the 1st thing that would come out of her mouth would be "I'm NOT taking a nap today mummy". It was a power struggle & one that she wanted to win. Sometime re-wording things can help.. so rather than saying its "nap time" you could maybe say "its quiet time... mummy needs her rest & so do you". Read some books to him & then leave him for an hour. Mine was jumping up & down & it was anything BUT quiet time & at the end of the day I gave up... well not gave up but realised I can't make her sleep & I've been trying for the last 2 weeks so now if she's showing me tired signs towards noon - its quiet time with mummy/daddy in our bed. Yesterday she fell asleep with DH & today again with DH. To be honest I was & still slightly worried about her turning around one night & asking to sleep with us (something I really don't want to do since our bed is small & dh is on the larger size so no one will sleep well).. but right now I will do whatever it takes for her to get rest. She's only napping 45mins a day but thats enough for her & she manages afternoons MUCH better than she used to before when she wasn't napping at all. Is that something you would consider trying??? For us it was either leaving her in the cot for 1hr screaming "I WANT TO GET OUT!!!" or putting some dvd on & she would fall asleep or sleeping with me.

If no nap in this house - I "try" & avoid car rides or always watch out that she's not falling asleep at like 3pm cause then I am afraid it will interfere with bedtime. Again, I would do an earlier bedtime if he's not napping. Mine has added onto night sleep. She's doing 12hrs at night on no nap & 11.5hrs at night on 45min nap whereas before it used to be 10.5hrs with 1.5hr nap.

I am not even sure if I am helping here. I would say its just a phase... you know some toddlers give up napping altogether when a new baby is born but nap or no nap he needs to understand quiet time... so I would work on giving him books after you've done your windown & leaving him alone to rest.

hth
Layla

[sherilee]

Hi again, thank you so much for your help.

Bit of a result today (I think!). I took him up at 1.15 and read to him quietly and then sang a lullaby and he looked tired so I put him in bed and then the usual happened - got up and ran around like a loony! I tried twice to leave but he went berserk so in the end I got in his bed and said he could play if he wanted to but I was going to lie down as I was tired, at almost half 2 he climbed in and headbutted me and I told him off, to which he cried and this made me realise he was in need of a rest so I cuddled him and by 2.40 he was asleep! I was going to wake him after 45 mins as I dont want him sleeping too late but he woke up himself at 3.25 and was a bit grizzly (cheered up when I gave him a biscuit tho!).

So is this a break through and should I continue down this line? Also, how can make the nap time a bit earlier and so that it doesnt take an hour and a half before he goes to sleep?

Cheers. xx

[Layla]

I would personally continue down this line but you might want to take him upstairs a little sooner... read books etc & be in bed by around 1ish pm. Then close your eyes & tell him its not "your" quiet time. He'll get the idea that no one is going to play with him or pay attention to him & will hopefully fall asleep as well. Once he is asleep you can leave

[sherilee]

Right, Ive all but given up on the day time nap now. He just refuses. If im in the room he jumps all over me and being 7 months pregnant its painfull! If I leave the room he screams the house down. The only time he will fall asleep is in the car and thats after driving round for almost an hour to get him that far. Now we have night problems too. Used to just do our routine, put him in bed and say night night and that was that. Now Dh puts him to bed and says he going to the toilet and will sit on the stairs and ds is fine, sometimes only getting up once to ask for a milk refill. If I do it he has a melt down as soon as I go anywhere near the door. Last night I was up and down the stairs putting him back in bed for over two hours. He now also wakes twice in the night. The first time is around 2am and I have to go and sit in his room till he is asleep. Then its between 4 and 5 and I end up getting in with him as by the time Ive spent up to 45 mins sitting there and finally got back to sleep myself he is getting up for the day. Im getting hardly any sleep at the minute or time to myself in the evenings to wind down and its really starting to have an effect on me. Dh is away at the minute so Im all alone please help!