Help!!

[kylesmummy]

Hi all. My son is 18mths old, he slept all night up untill he was 10mths old and had a nasty tummy bug. Ever since then, his been waking up 4 or 5 times a night. I've tried leaving him to settle himself, giving him a drink of water....i just don't know what else to try. It's driving me potty now, because he is getting so grumpy in the daytime because he is tired! He wakes up between 5 and 6 am, his bedtime hour starts at 6 for his bath, then cuddles and bedtime stories, in his cot for 7. What am i doing wrong?

[Peek-a-boo]

Hi there!  Welcome to the Babywhisperer forums.   

Is he still napping?  How long/when is his nap?  Are you out of the room before he falls asleep?

We'll do our best to help you get things figured out.   

[kylesmummy]

Hi, thanks for your reply. He has a nap around 11, no longer than an hour. I have to rock him to sleep, as he cries and gets himself that worked up his sick. Also, my neighbours have complained twice. He used to wake up in a good playful mood, now he just wakes up constantly grumpy and crying 

[Layla]

Do you have to rock him to sleep for naps & bedtime? Are you rocking him at night everytime he wakes?

If yes, then I would say the rocking has alot to do with the night wakings as well as the shorter nap. Ideally he should be sleeping about 1.5-2hrs during the day & 11hr night so to start with I would do an earlier bedtime. Try to be in cot by 6.30pm so that he catches up on some lost sleep & is hopefully better rested.

At night when he wakes (as well as all other times he needs to sleep... nap & bedtime) I would do some sleep training. I would have a chat to your neighbours (if they are friendly enough) & explain to them that he is not sleeping well & you will need to help him out but you can't be rocking him to sleep either cause at the end of the day you & your sleep (not to mention your son's sleep) is just as important as their sleep.

Here's a link for sleep training for toddlers: - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0. I would suggest the wi/wo method. YES he will cry at night but by going back to him you are reassuring him that you won't leave him to cry on his own (hopefully he won't get so worked up that he will get sick) & at the same time you will be teaching him how to fall asleep on his own.

Has he always been rocked to sleep? If he was an indepenadnt sleeper in the past, it would probably only take you a few weeks to teach him again....

Have a look at the link & let me know what you think
Layla

[kylesmummy]

Thank you! That was brilliant advice, i did it tonight, and only took 45mins to fall asleep. He used to fall asleep by himself, but stopped at 10mths. After a few sleepless nights, i took the easy option and started rocking him.
If he does get so worked up he makes himself sick, do i continue with it? after cleaning him up, i mean.

[Peek-a-boo]

I would clean up and continue.     I'd layer his bed: waterproof pad/sheet/waterproof pad/sheet etc.  That way you can peel off the top layer if necessary for quick clean up. 

[Layla]

I'd also clean up but I'd like to think that he won't get so worked up as you will keep coming back to reassure him

I hope he goes back to independant sleeping soon & gives you a much needed rest

[kylesmummy]

  I've been doing this now for almost 3weeks, the first night was great.....but, now his taking about 3 hrs to fall asleep, his waking aprox every 1-1.5hrs in the night, then his awake at 5.30am. Eventually, the neighbours have complained underneath me. I don't know what else to do, his so moody and whinges all day because his not getting enough sleep. He got so bad, i had to phone my dad (i'm a single mum) and my dad had him overnight....would you believe he slept all night for my dad! What am i doing wrong? Why is he doing it for my dad, not for me? 

[Layla]

When he wakes at night can you tell me what happens... how do you respond? How long is him nap? Is it still around 11am?

[kylesmummy]

His nap is still around 11am, but his nap seems to be getting shorter, he rarely naps for an hour now. When he wakes in the night, he stands in his cot and screams. I go in to him, lie him back down and he just continues to scream. I've tried leaving his night light on, but that made no difference.

[Layla]

And then do you continue to do pd or do you eventually pick him up & rock him? What time do you put him to bed if he's only slept for an hour?

[kylesmummy]

His usual bedtime is 7, but with him only having a short nap i bought it forward to 6, but by the time his getting to sleep its gone 9. I haven't picked him up and rocked him since i started this because i didn't want to confuse him. Is that what i should do? Ive been going in to him, lying him back down, patting his back then walking out.

[Peek-a-boo]

I haven't picked him up and rocked him since i started this because i didn't want to confuse him. Is that what i should do?

You are right that rocking him would be confusing.  You want to be very consistent with your sleep training--good job sticking with it, even though it's been tough. 

Ive been going in to him, lying him back down, patting his back then walking out.

Then when if his cry continues/escalates you return and repeat?  Correct?


Hmmm . . . .my  only thought is that perhaps you should try the gradual removal method.  I usually think wi/wo works better, but three weeks of no progress makes me wonder if he's having some separation anxiety or something that is complicating things.     Here's a description of how to do gradual removal: 

The Gradual Withdrawl Method

The key to Gradual Withdrawl is to take tiny steps and make the changes very small at first so the child barely notices them.  Create a plan, broken into small steps of how you will reduce the parental dependence and work towards independence.  For example, patting on the back becomes lighter and lighter until the hand barely brushes the child's back, but is poised just above it.

To implement, follow your bedtime routine being certain that your child has sufficiently wound down from the day.  When wind down is completed, lay your child down, tuck them in and use a phrase they can associate with it's sleep time such as "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep." Settle your child in their crib/bed and comfort as you normally would, then implement the first step in your plan.  Depending upon your child's temprament, you may be able to tackle more in less nights, or need to do less over the course of more nights.

The Gradual Withdrawl Method is intended for children that are reliant upon a parent's presence to calm them and help them settle for sleep. Examples are: sitting in the room, holding a child's hand, laying down with a child, patting to sleep, among others.  The idea is to simply reduce the reliance on parental presence gradually and in very small increments so the child continues to settle well and gains confidence in their ability to fall asleep independently.  The parent is there to assist the child in sleeping, but slowly reduces the dependence.  Examples might be: moving a chair closer and closer to the door until out of the room over the course of a few weeks, moving out a child's bed to an air mattress on the floor, then slowly move farther and farther towards the door over time, reducing the length of time patting though still staying with the child - then slowly working closer and closer towards the door.

This is also the best method for a child:

who's undergone controlled crying or crying it out as it helps to regain any trust that may have been broken
who gets very upset, sometimes to the point of vomiting
who does not settle after hours/days/weeks of walk in/walk out

This may also be a good method for a child who is not necessarily dependant on any one thing, but who needs some fundamental training to learn how to sleep independently.


My only other thought is to make sure that he's healthy and that he's not recently been introduced to any new foods that might be causing tummy issues.   Please defer to Isabella&Jamine'si mum's advice if it differs from mine--she's really great with toddler sleep stuff.