Would it be so terrible?

[appletree]

Bella is still waking between 1 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. consistently. She wakes before this and is easily settled however, between these hours she will sleep for about 10 mins. then get up, walk around her bed, basically throw a fit crying and screaming, etc.  She's had a bunch of intolerances to dairy, soy, lactose-free, and goat's milk products. The only thing that works ok for her right now is Rice Milk. When she would have her tummy aches, it was usually during those hours so at first I thought she was waking out of habit. But, it hasn't gotten better.  She's not screaming like she's in pain (like when her tummy hurt) it's more like "I want your attention NOW". But it goes on and on and on and on................seriously, for like 3 1/2 to 4 hours.    I know she's teething and have been using baby orajel and tylenol but obviously it's not helping with this issue.

Here's my question.................... I was so tired of doing pd's for 2 1/2 hrs. solid last night that I pu to do pd the last time and accidentally fell asleep holding her. When I woke up (to my alarm that had been going off for 45 mins. & I didn't even hear it) we were both cuddling and she was sound asleep - til I tried to move her to her bed.     I've been trying so hard with this sleep training stuff & I know when she goes home to biomom it won't matter cuz she'll do whatever is easiest.  As it is Bella refused to sleep for a nap at her visit on Sat. & Sun.  That was like ALL DAY with no nap.      So..........would it be so terrible to have her sleep in her bed til 1ish a.m. then try pd's for a short period of time and then say forget it & put her in bed with me so we could maybe get some sleep? I'm tired. Actually, exhausted. I think I look way old cuz I have these bags under my eyes and sometimes it's hard to stay awake at work - especially during naptime.  I just want easy or simple or something along those lines so I have some energy.

If you have ideas or just want to tell me that's an awful thought, please just let me know because (once again) I'm at a loss. 

Wendee

[em_here]

Hi there, if you are ok with it then there is no problem, if you do not feel ok with it, then try and change it  hugs hun

[yaya]

You know what? Go with your instict.... DS NEVER slept in our bed, i couldnt even sleep with him there. DD...seems to need the closeness, and i sleep like a log with her next to me when it happens so i wonder the same as you....

[appletree]

You don't think it would be bad? I really want to but I wonder if it would be messing her up even more or cause more problems for her. I mean, Tracy, the real BW, did she think it was ok? It's definitely not that I don't want to - I do but don't know given all the circumstances.

My oldest was a cuddler and he slept with me for like 5 yrs.   (I know...) But I was a single parent so figured it was ok. My youngest son kicked and hit in his sleep but he needed the closeness in proximity so he slept on our floor til he was 7 or 8 yrs. (once again, I know   )

That's probably why I'm having trouble with this thought cuz I just don't know if it's a good idea or bad idea. Everyone here has been helping me so much with her sleep issues and I don't want them to feel like I've let them down and am just taking the easy way out. KWIM?  

Wendee

[LLLena]

I agree w/ pps.  At this point, Wendee, you have to do what you feel is right. 

Given the circumstances, I do have to ask if you think biomom will co-sleep?  That answer may change things a little, but if she's willing to whatever makes life easier for herself, then maybe that's the answer. 

What it comes down to IMO is just what you can do for your own sanity too.  I know you've mentioned your lack of sleep and exhaustion before.  It surely can take its toll too. 

Is your dh on board w/ co-sleeping? 

Good luck!
Lena

[Katet]

Wendee... your life has been hard enough, do what works for you & the one thing I remember about Tracy's book was "if it is working for you then do it" her methods are for people who want things to change.
Hey I often cuddle my 2yo to sleep in the chair, he mostly sleeps through the night & it actually works for both of us to have the snuggle time before he goes to sleep.

I have to ask WHY do you put the rolling eyes for things you did with your Bio children... that worked for you, only because of social conditioning if they worked for you then they are the RIGHT method.

[Peek-a-boo]

Wendee--

My only concerns would be saftey--is your bed away from the wall? etc . . . Perhaps check out site with safety tips for co-sleepers. 

And--there's a possibility she might start waking earlier and earlier to come to bed with you?  If she does will that be a problem? 

Tracy advocated for independent sleep, but in the BWSAYP book she gives an example of a co-sleeper who was feeding all night.  Tracy helped them end all the night feeds and then the parents decided that rather than sleep training, the would keep co-sleeping . . .and that was fine because it was now working for their family.

I think a big thing that concerned Tracy was the "accidental" parenting--making the decisison to co-sleep without considering the ramifications and then being upset when those ramifications cropped up.  You're considering the ramifications right now.

No one here is going to be dissapointed in you if you decide not to continue pushing for independent sleep.  I for one am in awe of your patience and persistence to this point.   

[Layla]

Wendee - I am ALL for doing what works for you. When my Bella wasn't napping I was pushing & pushing for her to sleep in her cot but almost 3 weeks of no naps... I knew there was something that had to give. As you know she started napping when I would lay with her... then briefly went to her cot but now its back in my bed . I am not ashamed that I have "given in"... what works for you. Even if you have to do it for a little while until she catches up on sleep & then see how you feel about it.

I agree on the safety issue. Just make sure that all 3 of you will fit in the bed

It would not be terrible. I slept with my mum until I was 11yo.

[appletree]

You guys are so great! Thank you! 

My bed is big enough, not against a wall, and dh doesn't know I'm checking this out with you but he's asked me several times (like 100 actually) why it is she can't sleep with us cuz he thinks it would work better and he won't get woken up by her screaming. I will go check out a co-sleepers site though to be sure. I'm ok if she wakes earlier and earlier. I actually think it will help her (maybe?) with her SA issues.

Kate, I put the rolling eyes cuz I caught a lot of crap from family for letting the boys have those sleeping arrangements.  I was ok with it but questionned if I was doing the right thing becuz I felt maybe I wasn't. I think there are 2 movements with this issue and they're both pretty extreme -either it's ok or definetely is not healthy. The most I hear about is the latter and I think that's why I have such a hard time with it.

Bethany, I don't know what biomom will do. My guess is co-sleeping............although she does have a new boyfriend and that may not work out for that relationship.

Layla, thank you for posting back. I was really concerned with your opinion since you've been helping me out with this SO MUCH and I didn't want you to think all your advice & hard work was for nothing.

I won't do pd's then, when she wakes I'll just move her then and we'll see how it goes.  You guys have truly been so wonderful and helpful, I don't know how I could've gotten through this sleep (or non-sleep) issue without all of you.                  Wendee

[appletree]

I just wanted to let you all know that last night I decided to try co-sleeping. (talked with dh and he said "if she'll sleep and not wake up every 5 mins. then I'll do whatever --lol, yah, cuz he was the one up  ) Anyhow, she went to sleep in her own bed and then when she woke up at 11:30 p.m., I moved her in with us. She only stirred 3x and the 4th time she jumped in her sleep and started crying. I just snuggled with her and rubbed her back and she was out in under a minute!  We both slept so well it was unbelievable! Poor girl, it's probably the best sleep she's had in her life - at least since Dec.   She was in such a good mood this a.m. She got back into her bed and played with toys while I got ready for work and it was just so pleasant this a.m.   

So, thank you all for your support and opinions. It helped tremendously!    Wendee

[LLLena]

Wendee-

I'll just repeat myself here.... I am so pleased that you all were able to finally sleep through the night (reasonably, anyway ).  You deserve kuddos for trying so hard to make it all work out for Bella.

xx
Lena