We are winding down.....please help me do it right./rarely documented bf problem

[benandmichelle]

Well I have made the decision to stop bf. Unfortunately 6 weeks or so before I wanted to. It has been a hard but amazing experience but I just can't fight anymore. I have done everything in my power.
I don't know when it started but my LO started severly fussing at the breast about 2 months ago now. I kept persevering. I  considered  pretty much everything. I cut out so many foods out of my diet and nothing made a difference. Our sleep problems and lack of naps during the day meant that he was so overtitred he was not drinking properly.

I was so scared I started pumping and adding ebm to a lot of feeds. It was ok for a couple of weeks and he even had feeds that were 20 mins on the breast but then it became extreme again a weeks ago. My supply was dwindling so I was pumping after every feed. I could not put him back on to feed...I tried but he would not have it. Weeks ago I took the attitude tha if he needed more he would take it but now I just have the gut feeling that he has not been getting enough and it is really making our life hell.
Perhaps I am not being patient enough but after trying for months on end to get an EASY routine going properly it has come to the point where I feel I need to know how much he is getting each feed and am convinced that many other things will fall into place from that. I know that he doesn't need a night feed anymore and is only waking from habit. Funnily enough, yesterday when he got a bottle of ebm every feed he woke once and hardly fed in the night when I got him up for a feed.
I know Tracey says to up their calories in the day anhd put them on the other breast etc... but you can't force someone to do something they won't!
It has come to the point where he cries everytime I sit down to try to breastfeed before my breast is even out.
That can't be good for him or us.
I thought initially I would pump every feed and give him the bottle and have done that for a few days but today I could not get more than 100ml. I know it seems like that is all he needs but I have messed with my supply so much it is all over the place. It is just too latr I feel. I can't pump every meal 30 mins before to get enough when I have to entertain him because he has had a short nap and he is crying or whinging etc.... It is just not possible for me to do that all day anymore. It is hard enough bringing up a baby.
I do feel guilty but just have to accept that it is over. My goal was always 6 months anyway and it is not so far off.

Anyway, I have read on page 126 BWSAYP about winding down. I pump every feed less and less over 12 days right? Can anyone offer specific advice for a 4 hour EASY and how I should go about this.
This whole process is much more emotional than I though it would be. Tonioght I even cried that that time is over and will never be back.
Sorry for my ranting on.....

Michelle

[LucyA]

No advice, but {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
You have done everything you could to make this work, and if it's making you both unhappy, there's no reason to feel guilty about deciding to stop.

[em_here]

Hugs to you and well done for trying so hard, please do not feel bad, you did your best

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Samuel's mum]

BIG HUG from me.

I pump every feed less and less over 12 days right? Can anyone offer specific advice for a 4 hour EASY and how I should go about this.

I would probably suggest rather than pump for every feed less and less you take the approach of 'dropping' a feed. So choose a mid-day feed like mid-morning or mid-afternoon and plan to take 3-4 days to 'drop it'. Offer formula at that time instead and see how your breasts feel. Pump if you feel particularly uncomfortable but don't pump unless you feel it's really needed. Then after 4 days or so - pick the next feed to 'drop' and do the same thing again - I wouldn't automatically pump at the same time - plenty of weaning mothers don't.
Then when that is one done keep going until you get down to first feed in the morning and last at night - with these ones I probably would taper off by pumping at the equivalent time and gradually pumping less and less - until you just get down to a squirt and then pump only every alternate day and then only if you feel really uncomfortable. Then by the end you may only be pumping a little once a day - perhaps when you wake up. Pay attention to any lumps and if you feel you might have blocked ducts - use some massage and warm compresses before you pump.
It's never worth rushing. If someone is very prone to blocked ducts or has a tendency to mastitis then it's sometimes advised to go more slowly in between dropping feeds but every 3-4 days should be OK.

Has he had some formula already? Have a chat with the ladies on the bottlefeeding board too.

No, this time will not be back. But there will be great and happy times ahead. Motherhood is always about 'saying goodbye' to one stage and welcoming the next. Don't feel badly - you've tried hard.

[benandmichelle]

Thank you all.
Emma- I think your advice is good because often I don't get much every 4 hours anyway and my breasts practically don't feel at all full at every feed but everay second feed there is more but still engorgement is never an issue these days for me. After all, the more pumping the more the message is going out to produce more milk.
He had one formula meal yesterday for the first time I could only pump 100ml for the bedtime feed and he was still hungry. I just don't accept that that is enough for a 4 month old baby anymore.
I will let you know how it goes.
After fighting through a week of mastitis at the beginning and severly cracked nipples I can still say I am proud that we finally 'got it' and I could offer bm for this long. It is amazing how there is so much focus on technique and latch on etc... but hardly and books mention temprement of a baby and that 2 people are involved in the relationship and the emotional dynamics of bf.  So many later bf problems involve this relationship and you rarely hear or read about when your baby just does not want it anymore.
I thought our biggest challenge was learning the physical technique of bf but I so had not banked on this!
Just shows you that you have to be flexible and follow LO signs.

Michelle

[Layla]

HUGS Michelle

When I was weaning Jasmine I only pumped when my breasts felt full & pumped just enough to feel comfotable again. So at the start I didn't feel full until the 2nd feed (so 8hrs later) & thats when I would pump.... I got that "full" feeling about once a day for about 3 days in a row after that.... & then I think I only pumped one more time after that. So overall it took me about a week before my milk dried up.

I never had mastitis or blocked ducts though...

hth & well done for BF as long as you have!!!
Layla 

[NoelleChristine]

Michelle,

You've done a great job and should be proud of yourself.  I'm a mom of 4 and have both formula fed and breastfed.  It's not until my most recent baby that I've been totally successful in breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding is hard, parenting is hard and at the end of the day we all just do what we can do to be the best parents we can be.  And like Emma said, motherhood is all about saying goodbye to one stage and hello to the next...you'll be doing it his whole life.   

Look at it as a positive..."WOW, I breastfed my baby for almost 5 months!"  How awesome is that!?

Hugs to you!

Noelle

[Taji07]

Michelle I think you have done so fantastic. It is obvious how much this means to you.

Best wishes to you and I hope Ben will enjoy nuzzling into your breast from now on instead of drinking from it. That's got to be a nice feeling hasn't it?

Take care

[benandmichelle]

Thanks so much for youir support...much appreciated.

Michelle