desperately need support ... feeling very low (5 week old) sorry long

[NikG]

Hi all,

sorry to rant but need to get this out of my system, i'm sorry if i make any spelling mistakes but typing one handed as i am nursing my dd and i can hardly see the keyboard through my tears.

I'm a mum of 2, a 4 year old (ds)and a 5 week old(dd)and i feel like i'm starting to go crazy.  My 5 week old dd is sending me crazy at bedtimes and i know its my fault but i cant see a way out of the pattern we have got ourselves into.  i had breastfed her on demand (and shes gaining weight brilliantly) and now she follows a loose EASY rountine, but i have found it near on impossible to stop her falling asleep on the breast, esp in the first few weeks. consequentley she takes hours to go to sleep at night and i have 2 hours plus crying trying to get  her to go to sleep in her moses basket.  She sleeps in a pram or a chair during the day, and goes for naps quite freely, occasional crying but settles with shhh/pat after a few minutes.

trying to get her to sleep at night is much worse than naps in to day - i guess by night time she is more tired, poss OT.  My hubby works  nights at the mo so i have to get them both bathed and read for bed etc and also try to keep them quiet during the day as he is sleeping and i'm plain knackered.  i cant be supermum anymore, and even though my mum has helped get ds ready for bed from time-to -time, i cant get much help at night as my mum has other commitments, i dont have any sisters and my cousin (who is an angel) has 3 of her own to get to bed so cant really help me.  my ds is loosing out on quality nighttime with me as i'm trying to shush a baby or i have her hanging off my boob. my loose routine is... (breast feeding single sides until eve then give both (as she never seems satisfied at night)  (this is a very loose EASY, shes only 5 weeks old and occ she has had frantic feeding due to growth spurts followed by a few days of sleepyness after the growth spurt)

6.30am ish wake - has feed - 15-20 mins
7am wash/dress then play
9am nap
10am feed - 10-15 mins
10.30 mummy time (play)
11am nap
1pm feed - 10-15 mins
1.30 activity
1.45 nap
4pm feed 10- 15mins
4.15 activity
5pm nap
6pm feed on and off till 8pm ish - takes both sides (but trying to get son to bed at same time) Includes eve routine of bath/book/quiet time/bed etc but hard to do when ds keeps trying to play up and extend his night time routine by stalling when he gets into bed.
8pm try to settle to sleep - will cry, wont let me put her down etc etc
9pm will offer boob if seems hungry - but seems like all the crying gives her an appetite.
10-11pm will eventually fall asleep after screaming (her and me)

Pretty good at night (touch wood) will wake 2 or 3 times for a feed - mostly goes 4-5 hours once asleep then every 2 hours after that till 6.30 - 7am ish.  seems to be able to go to sleep after night feeds (thats if I dont fall asleep when i'm feeding her - i have to make sure i'm surrounded by pillows so she cant roll away just incase).  Then the day starts again..... I dread nightimes now.

the crying is really getting me down - i dont know what else to do.  I have tried the shh/pat as night as it seems to work during the day but to no avail.  Doesnt seem like colic, not drawing legs up etc  - she just gets soo angry... flails her arms and legs about and cries so much...she cries lots of tears too and ends up soaked.  Sorry its so long but hubby doesnt understand how hard it is and other mums i know all have perfect kids that go to sleep on cue etc etc and i cant be bothered with all that competitive parenting.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

I couldn't read and not post.  My 2 are upset with me right now.  Bad timing on my part. 

You will get brilliant help from the others on this site.  Glad you came to us.

I will check in later.  Hugs to you!

Charlotte

[andibig]

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
I think some of the problems may be caused by her awake times during the day.Most LOs of that age can manage about 1hr-1hr15.
I've noticed some of hers are over 2hrs.
Basically although she is going down well for her naps she could be accumalting tirdeness and is then overtired by bedtime hence the struggle.
At this age they normally get naps sorted out then a few months later night sleep.
And for what its worth my DD was a bear at bedtime at that age and most mums will tell you the same about their LOs.You are doing brilliantly with her naps so don't be too hard on yourself honey.

Hope to hear from you soon
 

[*Natasha*]

Wanted to send you more HUGS. I agree with Andrea in regards to awake time my DD2 is 2weeks and her awake time is generally 45mins. Even though my DD2 has good naps during the day she is also a bear at bedtime and my DD1 was the same at this age. I use Shh/Patt to get her to settle and it is working great. She is also unsettled after her night feed last night taking 2hrs to settle. Even though it can be hard i am persisting with the Shh/Patt as i know it will be worth it in the end. Remember it gets worse before it gets better. We persisted with DD1 and she is now a fantastic sleeper.

[gleek]

i agree with the previous poster.. wow, she does have long A times between her naps and i definitely think that's what's causing her ovetiredness at bedtime. also, she IS only 5 weeks old and hasn't yet reach the height of fussiness which is around 6 weeks so it may get a little worse before it gets better. i remember that we didn't even start EASY until my LO was 6 weeks old and it was a struggle for a long time but totally worth it. my LO is 7 months now and a great sleeper!

be sure to keep the morning A time between waking and her first nap really short.. like 1hr tops and that includes feeding time. from there aim for 1hr20min to 1hr30min between naps and 1hr to 1hr30min naps each naptime. at this age, sleep cues can sometimes be hard to notice. i remember that my LO didn't yawn! but her eyes turned red. i mostly went by the clock though. also, every minute counts! if you go 5 minutes past her nap or sleep time, it can be a horrible experience. better to get her down sooner rather than later. i know it's tough with a second child but try to get big brother involved as much as possible. have him help change diapers and do bath time, anything really. then save DD's naptime for quality time with your son.

[pbmom]

NikG - Just read your post and wondering how you are doing?  I completely understand your dilemma...I have 2 under 2 and it was a big struggle in the beginning.  Also give yourself a break - you just gave birth 5 weeks ago and your hormones/emotions are probably still all over the place.  Plus add to it being exhausted from NW and having 2 children and no help!  You are doing a great job and this site is so incredibly supportive - check back often   We are here! 

Re: your EASY - agree that your A time for the baby is probably too long.  Hope you have some success in shortening it. Remember sleep begets sleep.  Good daytime sleep will lead to good nighttime sleep. 

Let us know how you are. 

[NikG]

Thanks guys.... now i'm crying due to the messages i have received!   You have no idea how much i really appreciate your messages of support - i felt like im the only person going through this but now I know thats not the case.  I dont want to wish this precious time away as they are not babies long and we wont be having anymore children so i really want to enjoy it this time (had terrible PND last time and can bearly remember ds first 4 months)

Last night she finally got to sleep at 12.30am and slept till 6am when I fed her - bless her she went straight back to sleep.  Ive had to get up (its 6.30am) as ds is at nursery school at 8am but will try to shorten her awake times.  Funny thing is that i dont encourage her to stay awake the little minx!  i will keep posting to update...

thanks again
Nik

[elmarie]

Hi Nic and welcome to BW 

Do so agree with pp's and good advice.  You have start aiming for a 3h EASY.  I think that will help you alot to get her settled. She is definitely OT with the long A time.  Have you maybe tried shh/pat when getting her ready to sleep, it is a good method to calm your lo

{{{hugs}}]

Elmarie XX

[andibig]

Let us know how you get on Nic.
We are always here to offer plenty of (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Take care of yourself honey.

[NikG]

Thanks to you all for the posts and support.....Ive been trying to make sure she is having good naps in the day and things are starting to improve (have also started to use a paci only at night too, as she was using me as one!!)

[gleek]

it does get better!! and easier and harder at the same time just different things during different growth periods. at least the emotions you're feeling will start to get less intense. that time right after birth is killer with all of the hormones. hang in there!

[andibig]

glad things are improving .
keep up the good work!!!