how long to wait when he's crying

[marie7041]

I have been all over these boards for a few weeks now and I apologize if you have read about my issues before.  I am not sure where to post anymore and feel that I am probably driving everyone on here nuts.

But 5 mo. DS has gotten worse.  He is now waking every hour from 1 am until 6 am.  I have stopped feeding him after his DF so that may be the issue--that he is wondering why he isn't eating--although I don't think he is hungry b/c when he does eat his first meal at 7am he isn't necessarily hungry for it. 

We are working on a 4 hour EASY although its tough b/c if I don't sh/pat him through the 45min. mark of his naps he will wake up early and the whole schedule is off, although I still try to keep him at 4 hours for eating. 

I have tried sh/patting him when he wakes up (although he is not really awake, he is crying but his eyes are closed like his naps) at night and it seems to work great--except that he then wakes up an hour later--not sure if I have become a prop, although I have only done this for 2 nights...so I think I need to let him cry a bit and see if he will re-settle himself...but for how long? 

Should I not sh/pat him through his naps--is he trying to tell me that he doesn't need 2 2hr. naps?  I don't really have to sh/pat him for that long but i do have to keep my hands on him so he doesn't throw his arms around and wake himself up.

He can go to sleep on his own no problem.  Is strictly BF and we are trying to get our schedule to look like this:

7 Eat
9-11 Sleep (will only really go till 11 if i go in at 35 min. to get him to the next cycle)
11 Eat
1-3 Sleep (will only really go till 11 if i go in at 35 min. to get him to the next cycle)
3 Eat
5-6 cat nap
6 Eat
Bath, etc.
7 Top off with bottle (i was doing this b/c I was afraid he wasn't eating enough since I stopped feeding him at night)
7:15 in bed
10:15 DF

Some days the afternoon gets wacky b/c he wakes up early from him nap....and I don't want him to be awake more than 2 hours before he goes to bed for the night.

I am pretty much losing my mind--I am not only waking every hour with him, but I stay in the room an additional 20 minutes to make sure he has fallen asleep only to have to go back in 20 minutes later.

my questions:

1. I think I need to let him cry a bit and see if he will re-settle himself...but for how long?
2. Should I not sh/pat him through his naps--is he trying to tell me that he doesn't need 2 2hr. naps?
3. am I totally obsessing and shoudl just let nature takes it course--I am kinda at the end of my rope.

Again--I am sorry for being on every board and asking the same questions over and over--something just isn't right!

[Jocasta]

Here's my 2ps worth but I'm no expert...

1.  I would let him cry for about five minutes.  Doesn't sound like a long time but when a baby's crying it can seem like an eternity lol!  Five mins is a perfect time for my DD as if she goes past this point and is still crying, I know for certain that she'll need help.   

2. I don't know about the length of naps - I've always been of the belief that a baby will take the sleep they need unless OT.  I'd try not pt/sh-ing an see how you get on - it may be that he's actually able to settle himself back off...?

3.  I *personally* would let nature take it's course.  I doubt very much that his NW'ings are down to hunger. 

Is he quieting down as soon as you enter the room?  This could be SA (although he seems a little young).

Hugs honey.  I know this can be so confusing and sure as Hell I'll be on here in a few weeks (lets hope not before ) at the end of my rope needing answers!

Take care and let us know how you get on!

[Lana]

Is it his mantra cry?  I know for the longest time B would wake in the night and cry so I would go to him, once i realised that I should just go in make sure he was not stuck in a corner or anything recover him and then step back life got much easier. 

Also at this age they can have a lot going on developmentally that will make their sleep crazy. 

[momofclaire]

Marie,
When he wakes and cries does it sound like an "I need you cry?"  If so, I wouldn't let him cry at all.  If you think he is just fussing and trying to resettle himself you can wait a bit. The repeated waking in the early morning hours sounds a bit like overtired to me.  Is he getting 2 long naps and a short one everyday?  On average how much daytime sleep is he getting.  Can you tell me a little about how he goes to sleep for naps and bedtime? 

[Bryony]

I would agree with PPs - I would leave my LO if I thought it was a mantra / settling cry, or a bit of a grizzle, but not if it's a more desparate cry.

On the naps personally I would extend them - I had to extend my LOs naps as she was (and still is  ) a chronic 45 minute napper. OR if you choose not to extend them - I know it's a real bore - you have to pack in a lot more naps to make sure your LO does not get overtired....

Is OT a possibility if some days he is only getting 45 mins naps?

HTH

Bryony

PS Myia we posted at the same time