Why is it Getting HARDER? 9 week old issues

[zayneegirl]

I am so frustrated. Right now, my DH is walking/shushing my baby around as we try to get him calm and ready for a nap. It seems that when things get the worst, there is no time to write anyone for advice, so I am frantically trying to remember what it is I want to ask about (darn sleep deprivation) and get it typed before my son needs me again.

My baby, 9 weeks old, is fighting naps. What has worked in the past seems to have lost its power. White noise is sort of helpful right now, we swaddle every time, we sway, shush, pat, put him down drowsy, etc.   But currently, he SCREAMS at the swaddle and can’t be soothed… sometimes I wonder if all of our calming is directly related to the swaddle issue and that we are actually calming him down from hating the swaddle, not being tired. Too, he has been harder to put down drowsy. I find that in order for him to get any sleep at all, I have to let him doze off in my arms (cradle hold, with a patting motion and a paci) and then ever-so-gently put him down and pray he doesn’t rouse.

He seems more upset these days… Seems to fight everything we are trying for him… Ugh. I am so sad and tired and overwhelmed and helpless that I don’t even know what to ask now. All the advice I get from books and from friends sounds really good at the time, but then seems completely irrelevant when we’re in the midst of his desperate cries. I don’t know what to believe, who to follow, how to help him, and NOW I’m worried that if we keep trying “new” things, we’re just making it harder for him to figure things out and we’re actually making it worse.

Anyone? Help? Or should I just cry for a while and let him cry in my arms with me and wait until… oh, I don’t know, age 7?

[awfkaf]

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice but really sympathize with your post.  I also feel it's getting harder with my 8 week old.  He's now crying each time we try to put him down awake but drowsy, so we've also resorted to letting him fall asleep on us first.  After all that, he only sleeps for 40 minutes!  I'm so worried about his lack of sleep (and mine too).  I also feel like there's mixed advice out there in all the books/websites.  I have made a phone consultation with a 'sleep expert' tomorrow.  We'll see how that goes.

Best of luck...hang in there.

[zayneegirl]

let me know how that sleep expert call goes! My situation sounds VERY similar. (hmm.. I wonder if St. Louis Missouri has a sleep expert I can call? I'd pay ANYTHING at this point!)

 

[ever55]

Hi,I feel your pain, I also have a 8 week old who after all the shhing and patting and crying only sleeps for 30-40 min. or I give in and let her sleep on me.
The BW said it would take 3 days, i've been at it for 10 and I have very mixed results. It is an emotional roller coaster. I have a 3 year old who also needs me which is tough, but I also know from her that it does get better. I wish you luck.

[*Nicola*]

Huge ((Hugs))

Can you post your routine in EAS format so we can see if anything needs tweaking.  It might be that his A time is too long or too short.  Can you also post your wind down routine 

Sleep cycles last 45 minutes. The first 20 mins are light sleep with big jolts at 10 and 20 mins.  Lots of babies wake at these jolts and need to be soothed back to sleep or sh'd, held to prevent them waking in the first place.  Then there is a big jolt at 30 mins, again a typical time for babies to wake.  They then start to move into a lighter sleep again and at 45 mins the sleep cycle ends and most babies wake up at this point as they are unable to fall back asleep themselves.  Babies need to be taught to do this and pat/shh is a great way to do it. 

Big (((Hugs)))

[releathe]

Just wanted to chime in and let you know that you are definitely not alone.  My DD is just 10 weeks today and ever since last week when she was 9 weeks old she's been really awful at naps.  I used to be able to put her down and she'd completely settle herself to sleep.  Now she seems fussy all the time during the day and our schedule is totally out of wack.  I too would love some advice if anyone out there is listening!

[zayneegirl]

Nicola-- I'll get that routine typed soon, I promise! Fussy baby at the moment....

[awfkaf]

I spoke with a 'sleep expert' today and here are some suggestions she gave:

- If it's the on and off cry (not the screaming) - don't interfere with this as it may be their way of settling themselves.
- If it's the screaming cry, go in and pick them up (one hand under head, the other under bottom) and just lift them 6-12" over their mattress instead of putting them to your chest. She says this will usually stop the crying and then you can continue with the shh/pat.
- She was more concerned about my LO's night sleep since he isn't doing well at that either, so we talked a lot about that.  She said no diaper changes in the middle of the night, offer bottle for last feeding (I'm exclusively breast feeding) so that we can monitor how much he's getting at that time.
- She's also a fan of the EASY schedule and wind down routine.  Altering the schedule will alter the sleep.

Here are some of the things that have worked for me in the past 24 hours:
- Does your LO use a pacifier?  I was totally against using pacifiers, but I tried it yesterday and it REALLY helped.  He allowed me to put him in his crib awake but drowsy without screaming, so then I was able to do pat/shh until he fell asleep.  He still woke up at the 45 minute mark, but once today I was able to get him right back to sleep with the paci and shh/pat
- I found he likes to be put down in stage 2 (the long stare) instead of stage 3. 
- He prefers my shh'ing to be more of a constant shh, shh, shh instead of shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I've even shh'ed to the beat of a song and he's responded better to that.  I also use white noise so that may be the constant shhhhh that he needs.
- I limited in his first activity time today and we had a much better day.  I started the wind down routine after he'd only been up for 45 minutes (he also didn't sleep well last night though).

I think consistency is key (something I have not mastered yet) - picking a method/routine and sticking to it for at least a week.  I've been sitting in his room this entire week trying to put him back down as soon as he wakes up hoping that over time, it will work.

Best of luck....

[Gawblyn]

Oh my darling, darling lady...do I ever feel your pain. Days of just breaking down on the kitchen floor and bawling!!! She is now 9 weeks old and I just got back from the pediatrition's office. My lovely little girl is in the same boat and I have found out that she is perfectly healthy she is just very sensitive and "having a difficult time with her development" according to her Dr. And maybe a bit of colic? but really what is colic other than a dr saying..."I don't know....there is nothing medically wrong with the babe". I have given up on trying to get her to sleep in her crib for naps for now. In her "Maya" wrap in the upright position....as if I were holding her to my shoulder with her head on the shouder with my hand under her bum....she sleeps like a dream until I try to loosen the sling ( she has not even left my body, I am still holding her very tightly and she has been asleep for over an hour) she starts jerking and moving her arms/legs/head and wakes up crying or I instantly re-tighten the sling and off to sleep she goes....Dr's solution? "so, can you carry her in the sling?" She is still so young she just needs to be held and loved. she will re-learn how to sleep as she gets older. Today I was able to transfer her to the crib after an hour and quickly took off my shirt and put it in with her in front of her face(she likes to sleep with her nose buried in my armpit or right up into my chest so I figured it could help) My nephew also likes his mother's shirt in his crib with him to get him to sleep. I wish you all the best and just keep loving your babe!!!

[Gawblyn]

Oh yah check out my post "8 week old cries hyterically...."

[macsmom]

I also wanted to tell you that i feel your pain! as i am writing i am trying to get my 9 wk old down for a nap! he also has had some of the same problems...I used to be able to put him down in his crib for his naps and it was like clockwork..now it is completely different! he almost refuses to sleep in his crib for naps..(he doesn't have a problem at night)but he will sleep in your arms in a second! right now i am watching him squirm and fuss on the video monitor. he will drift off with his paci..but if he is not out and drops his paci he wakes up and has a hard time getting back to sleep. i hope that since your last post you have had some better luck. i try to be consistent, but i work from home and sometimes i just can't. please let me know if you have found something that works. good luck!!

[koakitty]

Wow, I am there with all of you too...DS is now 9 almost 10 weeks and a week or so ago I noticed the naps were a struggle...same thing, he used be put down at the "long stare" stage and would just drift off like an angel to sleep, now it's more like a possesed demon at times!  Ughhh I have commented to my best friend that between the 2 year old and my 9 week old and mom there has been a lot of crying in our house!  I am totally exhausted somedays, and I find that I don't know whether to laugh or cry when my DH calls to see "how our day is going". It's so frustrating!  I went through this with my DD and she finally outgrew the 45 min naps at 9 months....UUGHHH I really was hoping for a baby who would nap better, and sleep better at night. My DD was a great night sleeper (7-8 hrs+ form 6 weeks on), but my DS (who is a giant baby for his age 16lb , 24") doesn't sleep longer than 5 hrs at night.  He refuese the paci now, he used to be coaxed to take it when really fussy, but not anymore.  He hardly ever gets a bottle, so maybe that has something to do with the paci problem. I have to say though that in the last 5 days I have been able to extend one of his naps (usually the midmorning one) from 45min-2+ hours!  VICTORY! I use the shh/pat and jiggle his bassinett, it's quite the sight I'm sure as I sit on the floor with one hand on his tummy and the other on the edge of the bass. and jiggle for at least 20 mins....what a workout, but it truly has paid off!  I was just wondering if anyone else has had success with this and how long do I have to do the shh/pat for it to pay off? I could never extend naps with my DD, I tried everything and beat myself up about it too..I just felt like "what was I doing wrong"?, I became a bit obsessive with her and finally gave up trying and just put her down 5 times a day to keep her rested. I HATE when naps are a struggle, it's bad enough getting up 2x a night and then have to really work at naps all day long....I feel like I'm in a bad dream some days or on one of those gerbil wheels that just goes round and round and roound without getting anywhere. But like I said I have had success with one nap a day so far for almost a week...but that does mean it's any easier to get him down for that nap.  I have to tighly swaddle and get him mellow, then wait for him to close his eyes in my arms and put him down. Then he usually wakes and screams/fusses for 1-3 mins which I let him and then he's out....don't know what else to do for him, sometimes he doesn't even want me to rock him...sorry I don't really have any advice, but I'm glad to read aboutawfkafs sleep expert's advice. Hang in there!

[zayneegirl]

so, i am pretty tardy in coming back to this post... I've been very busy focusing on my baby and watching the changes he is going through. He is now 10 weeks, and after several "off" days, he is a bit more "workable" again. We have been able to put him down drowsy but awake about 50% of the time. The rest of the time, we get him asleep, then lay him down carefully. We've been really needing his swing for naps, and while I know that's a prop, it is one I am more than willing to compromise with right now and work on later. *Sorry, Experts!* He does well in his crib for nighttimes, so I feel like he is not 100% reliant on one way or another.

I LOVED reading the sleep expert stuff, thank you awfkaf-- very reassuring, useful, informative. It is nice that his/her advice is in keeping with the BabyWhisperer stuff we are trying to stick to.

That said, honestly, all of the sympathy and support I have received from you ladies has been instrumental in keeping me sane through the rough patches. Really. It's amazing how strangers can make me feel so loved and cared for.

So, since Noah is doing better, here is what we have found works--

We still swaddle, and he still screams. But he sleeps so well with it that we are not ready for him to wean, and honestly, I think he is not ready either. Since he has gotten bigger, he has gotten better at breaking out of the swaddle, unfortunately, so we have taken to "double-swaddling", wrapping him in the flannel swaddle first, then using a velcro-Swaddle-Me to "seal it". He has done MUCH better since this switch. I think he likes the tighter fit.

My hubby and I really hate the idea of CIO. So my hubby decided he had the patience to try a different version of it. Previously, when Noah would fuss and continue to fuss, we would shift his position, change our rhythm, switch parents, add a binkie, ANYthing to get his behaviour to change. My hubby started to wonder if all the switching was actually contributing to the problem, so he decided to watch the clock one day while he maintained a steady cradle-hold "sh/pat". Sure, my LO cried and cried. So, in a way, he was CIO. But he was in my DH's arms, not left alone, so it doesn't REALLY count as CIO. My DH maintained his exact motion and rhythm, didn't deviate from his efforts, no switching positions, and after nearly 15 full minutes of pretty solid crying and wailing, miraculously my son calmed down. Within 3-4 more minutes, my hubby had him in the 7-mile stare and was able to lay him down awake. Less than 10 minutes later, he was asleep. Since then, my hubby has made this his permanent technique for putting our LO to bed and it is highly successful. Amazing.

As for me, I am learning to watch for a mantra-style cry versus a REAL cry, so I have stood back and waited for the mid-nap fusses to subside. Sometimes they actually DO, and he puts himself back to sleep! Amazing! Before, I would immediately pick him up, robbing him of the chance to self-soothe. Now, many times, this DOESN'T work, so then I DO pick him up and re-rock him back to drowsiness. Sometimes, there is just no putting him back to sleep. *sigh*

Still, we have had some MAJOR successes, and I am fairly confident again. So, until his NEXT growth spurt/developmental freakout/whatever you want to call it, we are doing okay.

Thanks again, everyone.

[*Nicola*]

Thanks for sharing your success    It is great to read. 

CIO is when you leave your LO alone to cry without your love and support.  If you are right there with him, holding him etc then it is not CIO  . Having a plan/technique to stick to is great as it allows you to see what works/doesnt work and adjust from there to suit your LO.  Changing things every 2 mins in response to cries is just confusing for LO and parents.  I am glad it has worked for you.

Great news on identifying the mantra cry too! I remember when I realised DD was mantra crying and thought 'why have I been going to 'rescue' her!!

Enjoy the time until the next growth spurt/milestones switches it all around again 

[christiewi]

Just one more person jumping in to offer support!  I have a Noah as well, and he just passed the 10 week mark (born November 22nd...probably very close to your Noah :-) and although his nights are pretty darn good now, his naps are horrible too.  Some days he'll go from 7:30 am to 7:30 pm with I swear MAYBE 1.5 hours of (interrupted) sleep in there.  Gotta love the 30 minute naps. ;-)  Everything you write sounds like I could have written it myself.  Our poor nursery ottoman is getting beat up by my frustration when it's been an hour and NOTHING is working, and now it's time to get him up to eat again, and the overtired cycle continues.  UGH.  Sounds like you have a great hubby working alongside you; I do as well, and am so thankful.  Can you imagine what we would do if we had no one to hand the babies off to when we are at our witts end??    I just recently began really utilizing this site (in the last week) and wanted to share something I read that was posted about 2.5 years ago.  A new mom was sharing her experience with horrible napping (like the rest of us!) and another mom responded by saying to remember to soak up some of this time, as they will grow up so quickly and this is such a small portion of it.  She had said that sometimes, after trying and trying and trying to get them to fall back to sleep while they scream, etc. to screw the "experts" and strategies and just hold them for a while.  Just love on them for who they are and for this moment in time.  Not to make a habit out of not teaching them healthy sleep habits, but just because sometimes it's best for the both of you.  "Soon" we won't be able to get them out of bed for school, and they'll be wanting to nap instead of do their homework.   These times where they want us to hold them all day and cuddle with them aren't going to be here forever!

NOW, I must also say that the ONLY reason I am posting this is because last night was the first night in 10 weeks that I actually got quality sleep, so for ONCE my brain is in a state where I can for a moment pause and think about things like that and try to imagine that my mother's advice sometimes IS right after all!!    So, in a way, I'm posting it so that I can come back and read it tomorrow when I am back to being sleep-deprived! 

Keep us posted on how your little Noah is doing!!  "They" all say it will get so much better, and I have to believe that...this can't go on forever right?  I mean, eventually they will be adults like us DREAMING of a 2 hour nap! Not sure if I want to wait 18 years for one...but at least SOMEDAY it will be in the realm of possibility once again!!!    Best of luck!!