HELP: Swaddling causingNW?? But helps with naps

[Lace]

My 3 month old has been struggling with 45 min naps for the last two months. We have finally been making some great progress with her naps but now at night she seems to be fighting the swaddle in her sleep and waking every two hours straining and irritable. This has been going on for about a week and a half. I don't know what to do because her arms still seem to be all over the place and I am scared to quit swaddling for the sake of messing up naps again. The only way I am able to get her back to sleep during the night is to nurse her and I know theis is a big problem of AP starting. SHe used to go from 9:30 DF to about 4 or 4:30 but we haven't seen those days in awhile. What should I do?? Help..so frustrated!!!

[claires mum]

Do you think she's struggling because she's too hot/too cold...or does she just want to break free?  You could try leaving one are out of the swaddle tonight and see if that helps or hinders.  Sometimes it gives them enough freedom to be happy...or they can start flailing about and wake up a little more 

[Bryony]

Do you think it is the swaddle, or is she waking up for some other reason?  Do you want to post your routine to see if there is something that needs a tweak?  Also can she get to sleep on her own for naptime and bedtime or does she need some help from you?

Bryony

[Lace]

Okay here goes.. first of all she has always slept swaddled since birth. SHe is 14 weeks old but really just made 3 months on the 24th.(unsure of what to go by). SHe is on a 3 hour EASY since birth but seems not as hungry now at 3 hours but I don't know if she is ready for a 4 hour easy wake time yet. the 3.5 hour easy interferes with her naps due to my 3 year olds schedule.(I know I sound difficult already). She was doing the 45 min nap but the last two weeks have been great so I am hesitant about losing the swaddle since that has improved but nights are terrible..waking every few hours seems to fight the swaddle and is straining with her arms and kicking her legs. Weeks ago she was going from DF to 4:30??I have been getting her up and doing anything to get her back to sleep so she doesn't disrupt the entire house. That means letting her nurse and laying her in bed with me so I can give her her paci or nurse her quickly. So BIG AP going on here but I  doing know what else to do. I have a bad back so I don't know if I can do PUPD but she will still be crying and I am scared of waking my DH and DS. I am such a trainwreck I know. Sorry!!!
Going down for naps and betime is usually pretty easy. I swaddle her which is a big sleep cue but now she begins to cry when I begin to wrap her. Then we walk upstairs in her dark room I turn on her white noise and little ceiling projector, hold her and sway for just a few minutes and lay her down and she usually drifts off in minutes. ALot of times as soon as we walk in her room her eyes begin to get heavy as she loves the real dark room. Every once in a while I will have to shh/pat for a minute or two or if she gets really upset I'll pick her up sway for a minute then put her right back down and she will go to sleep. Okay after all that here is the routine.
7am E
A
8:30 S ( now usually 1.5 hours)sometimes we are out and about for either this nap or the next one depending on that days schedule so one is usually short and in carseat.
10 E
A
11:30 S ( now 1.5)  or shorter if out at this time
1 E
2 or 2:30 S ( usually 1.5-2 hours) depending if last nap was short due to being out
4 E
A (bath)
5:15 or 5:30 S ( Catnap till 6 or 6:15)
7 E
7:30 bedtime
9:30-10 Dreamfeed

I know I am a huge mess but any help or direction would be great. I really want to get rid of the swaddle before training so I don't have to re do it again if I have success. Also, do you think at 14 weeks she can go on a 4 hour easy??

[Lace]

since the last post.. I have put her down for one nap and bedtime unswaddled. SHe was a little hard to settle. More swaying/patting/sushing than normal. Her arm kept raising up and down ( she is on her side so the other arm isn't much trouble) She was really drowsy(eyes closed but body still moving) when I put her down so I guess that wasn't going down on her own but...I just patted her bottom for a few minutes. That was 10 minutes ago for bedtime so we will see what happens. For the nap she ended up waking after about an hour and I tried patting and giving the paci but ended up picking her up swaying then laying her back down after about 5 min. then she slept abput another hour. ( our schedule was way off today due to some unexpected events so I just let her last nap be from 3-5 with no catnap and then she went to bed at 7.) I am dreading the middle of the night!!!! Maybe she'll surprise me. Can't wait to hear what sugesstions someone may have. I know there is some AP going on but I need a plan because I feel like ther are so many factors right now..I don't know where to start.

[Bryony]

Hi there

First of all, well done on beating the 45-ers - it took us until Katie was 8 months old to get rid of them!!

My guess is that it's not the swaddle, but some other reason that's causing her to wake and fight it. I could be wrong, but that would be my guess!  We all wake up several times a night, and if she knows how to get herself back to sleep and is nice and relaxed she should just be able to go back to sleep herself without fighting the swaddle.

Your routine looks great - except I would put her to bed at 7pm rather than 7:30pm. 2hrs A time seems too long after a 45 min catnap especially when her A time is only 1.5hrs earlier in the day after shorter naps....   do you bring her naps earlier if she has a shorter nap due to being out and about?  You want to make sure she's not overtired as OT is a really common cause of NW.

Now in terms of some of your other points - she's too young for PU/PD so you have an excuse not to do this for a while longer yet!  You would use shh/pat at her age.

If you are getting into the habit of lying in bed with her and BF in the night then she may decide that this is worth waking up for - she gets a cuddle with mummy and some nice milk!   I can understand you not wanting to wake your son and DH, but if your DH is anything like mine he will sleep through the loudest cries - and anyway if he wakes up, maybe he could help out?

You say that you give her a dummy when she wakes in the night - does she need it to go to sleep always?  If so this may be the problem - it's common to get dependent on the dummy around 3-4 months of age.

So, in terms of a plan - personally I would go with a 7pm bedtime to make sure she's not OT, make sure you adjust your naps if one gets cut short (it sounds as though you are doing this already), and agree with your DH a plan for getting her back to sleep without using a boobie or getting her into bed with you. Probably just shh/pat. It will take longer initially but once she realises she's not going to get fed it will get quicker. Obviously feed her at 4am or whenever you think she's hungry.

And it's a good idea to try nights without the swaddle if you think this will help - we stopped swaddling at night at 3 months but carried on for naps until about 6 months as we always had problems with naps and the swaddling helped

HTH!

Bryony

[Lace]

Thanks Byrony for all of the sugestions. I know I have alot of issues to address. FIrst question  the bedtime?? She is only up for 1hour and 15 min before bedtime( catnap from 5:30 until 6:15 then bed at 7:30) not 2 hours. Is that okay. I am confused about where you are seeing the longer A time?
I did not swaddle last night and she made it until 2 then was difficult to settle from 2 to 4. I ended up feeding her at three and then haveing to swaddle at 3:30. She never really cried she was just awake and not able to relax and settle. I tried to shh/pat but it wasn't helping her relax she kept dropping off then waking again so I ended up picking her up But it still wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be without the swaddle. She woke again at 5:50 and I fed again. Then slept until 7. What should I have done?? I like having a detailed plan:) The dummy may be part of the problem too but I am scared to get rid of that just yet??!! Yikes

I do move the nap up if the prior one ends up short..I like the idea of trying at night to lose the swaddle since I feel like she is tired of being in the same position but still use it for naps so we continue with the progress there. What about moving to 4 hour easy since she is 14 weeks(3.5 months)  Thanks so much!! Lots of help already.

[Bryony]

Oh sorry, my mental arithmetic is terrible!     1hr 15 mins sounds perfect!

If she's just awake and not crying - I would just leave her, otherwise she will think it's party time!  Only go to hear if she's crying for you - otherwise leave her be as she may well go back to sleep on her own.  It only counts as a NW if you have to get out of bed, in my books 

In terms of moving to 4 hourly EASY - yes this time may well be coming up!  If she's wide awake and restless it may well be that she needs longer A times. A 4 hourly EASY needs 2 hr A times - I assume she's currently on 1.5hrs A time - do you think she could handle a little longer than this?  Make any increases slowly - 5-10 mins every few days or even weeks - otherwise you can end up with an overtired LO.

What do you think?

Bryony

[Lace]

Okay glad to know the routine looks good. I definately think on the feeding part she is ready for 4 hours or very close...I am scared about the A time, but I'll try to increase gradually. If I put her down for a nap at 1 hour and 45 min of A time ( currently we are at 1.5 maybe a tad more if we are in the middle of something but I try really hard to watch it) is it okay if she sleeps 2hours and 15 min. to lead right up to the next feed or will that be too much daytime sleep and mess with the nights??

WHen you asked if she was wide awake and restless..did you mean during the night last night. If so..yes she was stirring and I looked in and she was moving around with arms kind of waving with big eyes.and I guess I just wanted to help settle her to prevent waking too much but I should have left her right? Until she began crying..then shuu/pat. What idf shhh/ pat doesn't work then what since pu/pd isn't an option?? It did seem to take her a while to go back to sleep even with me holding her and the nursing her it took 30 minutes and the swaddle after all that so she must have really been wide awake. Thanks so much..hope to hear back before my night begins.. I know we have a pretty drastic time difference I hope I catch you before

[Bryony]

If she can do 1hr 45 mins A time you can do a 3.5hr EASY - I think there is an example in the EASY board. I wouldn't do 2hr 15 naps - she may end up with too much daytime sleep and not sleep well at night.

Yes I would leave her till she starts crying. She will cry if she needs you I am sure!  Sometimes at that age all LOs wake up and will be awake for 1-2hrs at night (mine certanly used to) then will go back to sleep on thier own. For us it did largely resolve once we went to 4hourly EASY but it took us a while to get there as Katie couldn't manage 2hrs A time until she was a bit over 4 months old.

Then if she starts crying you would use shh/pat....  if it doesn't work keep trying!  PU/PD is a fairly last resort anyway even when they are older - if shh/pat still works then you use shh/pat. We still use our version of shhh/pat so I have not had to use PU/PD yet - and hoping to keep it that way     

HTH!

Bryony

[Lace]

rough evening and bedtime tonight. Today we found out she has an ear infection..pretty bad one and is on antibiotics so she was really difficult to put down. Tried swaddled to see if she would settle better but she got even madder. Ended up having to walk her/rock her to sleep then laid her down unswaddled. SHe has been sleeping for about 1.5 hours now and I am about to DF. (I hate the thought of disturbung good reat but I know I need to stick with the DF) Thanks for the help today. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully she will be ebtter soon so I can train without worrying about her hurting.

[Bryony]

Oh poor Madison!  Yes you've just got to do what you can when they are ill - and start again when they are well.

I was also thikning about your Q about what to do when shh/pat doesn't work...  I guess it depends if shh/pat works for your child in general. If it works in general then you would continue, unless you think she's hungry or in pain...  if shh/pat doesn't work for her in general then you need to find some other way of soothing (hand on chest?  talking to her gently?) that works for her

But as I say, wait till she's well